Joke of the day

[martyo]


CHILDREN'S BOOKS YOU'LL NEVER SEE


1. "You Were an Accident"

2. "Strangers Have the Best Candy"

3. "The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

4. "Some Kittens Can Fly!"

5. "How to Dress Sexy for Grownups"

6. "Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

7. "Where Would You Like to be Buried?"

8. "Katy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

9. "All Dogs Go To Hell"

10. "The Kids Guide To Hitchhiking"

11. "Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

12. "What is That Dog Doing To That Other Dog?"

13. "Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

14. "Bi-Curious George"

15. "Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

16. "Mr. Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

17. "You Are Different and That's Bad"

18. "Fun with Pointy Things"

19. "Keep Picking At It"

20. "It's Your Fault They Got a Divorce"

21. "If it's in a Bottle Drink It"

22. "Eating Glue is Good For You"

23. "You Can Fly Too If You Wear a Cape"

24. "Sharing is For the Weak"

25. "Foreigners are Bad People"

26. "Plastic Bag Space Helmet and Other Fun Activities"

27. "Razor, Razor, Who's Got the Razor?"

28. "Is the Stove Hot Yet?"

29. "Dead Pets Are Fun Too"

30. "The New Baby is Better Than You"


More Titles


"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"Pop! Goes The Hamster....And Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead"

"How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride
Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God did It"

[Paul T. Casey]

A first grade teacher is reading "Chicken Little to her class. To check if anyone was paying attention she asks Johnny, " And what did the farmer say to Chicken Little when he was told of the sky falling?"
Johnny replied, " I think ' holy crap, a talking chicken!'"

[nexstar7]

thats good

[Mark McQuaide]

Guaranteed you'll laugh your a*s off:

A Frank guide to homeland security levels:

http://www.imao.us/archives/000651.html#000651

The whole site is hilarious.

[jrzygrl]

Two blondes walk into a building...you think at least one of them would've seen it...

[jrzygrl]

What do you call a dead blonde in the basement?
Last years hide and go seek winner...

[Menace]

[jrzygrl]

Why do blondes have bruises around thier belly buttons?
'Cause blonde guys are stupid too.........

[kenny2wheels]

Why does a dog lick himself?..........cause he can't make a fist.

[martyo]

When I was married, I was not happy with my wife's mood swings so I bought her a mood ring so that I would be able to monitor her moods.

When she was in a good mood the ring would turn green.

When she was in a bad mood it left a big freakin' red mark on my forehead.

Maybe I should have bought her a diamond?

[martyo]

It's Sunday, the sun is out (finally) and I am working (ugghh!!), so I am going for two today:


An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super."
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground."

She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one."

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. "Tray-up *****".

[martyo]

Two Georgia fans thought they should go to college so they could
get ahead.

Bubba went in first, and the professor advised him to
take Math, History, and Logic.

"What's Logic?" Bubba asked.

"Well, let me give you an example," said the professor.

"Do you own a weed-eater?"

"Sure do," the Georgia fan responded.

"Okay. Then I assume, using logic, that you have a yard," the
professor went on.

"That's real good," said the Georgia fan, in awe.

"Logic also tells me that since you have a yard, you also have a
house. Is that right?"


"GAWL-LEE!" the Georgia fan shouted.

"And since you own a house and a house is tough to take care of
by yourself, logic dictates that you have a wife. Right?"

"Betty Mae! This is incredible!" Bubba is catching on now.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume you are
a heterosexual rather than a homosexual. Is that right?"

"You are absolutely right! Why that's the most fasinatin' thang
I ever heard of. I cant wait to take this here logic class!" Bubba,
proud of the new world opening up to him, walks back into the hallway where Cooter is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'"? Cooter asks.

"Math, History, and Logic," replied Bubba.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asks Cooter.

"Let me give you an example," Bubba says. "Do you own a
weed-eater?"

"No." says Cooter.

"You're Queer, ain'tcha?"

[TAF]

Originally posted by martyo
Bubba says. "Do you own a
weed-eater?"

"No." says Cooter.

so...Bubba says. "You're Queer, ain'tcha?"

Where's the joke?

This is just a statement of fact

And, BTW marty...Cooter is a southern slang/name for something that's G-O-O-D...which if you don't have a weed-eater...you wouldn't care anything about

[martyo]

Originally posted by TAF
...which if you don't have a weed-eater...you wouldn't care anything about

I guess my trip to Texas will truly be an education for me.

[Bigdogjim]

Me thinks Texas will more fun than ?????????