Oil Change instructions

[TripleTransAm]

Don't know if this has been posted previously, but...

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Oil Change instructions for Women:



1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: Oil Change $20.00, Coffee $1.00, Total $21.00.



Oil Change instructions for Men:

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in garbage can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change," Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to liquor store; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27) Drink beer.
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily> patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December 1992... In the left boob.
36) Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer.
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Watch helplessly as car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent: Parts $50.00, DUI $2500.00, Impound fee $75.00, Bail $1500.00, Beer $40.00. Total -- $4165.00
But you know the job was done right!

[RF Overlord]

AH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHA....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA....

HEH....

...whew...

Heh...giggle...snort

Damn, /Steve, that was the funniest and TRUEST thing I've read in a long time...especially steps 32-35...heeheehee

[RCSignals]

Oh Oh Steve. You have tread on the domain of RF. Oil subjects are his

Notice he was first to respond??

[SHERIFF]

Originally posted by RCSignals
Oh Oh Steve. You have tread on the domain of RF. Oil subjects are his

Notice he was first to respond??

Let me guess..... that's Metroplexed?????

[jgc61sr2002]

Steve - Very funny. He He.

[gonzo50]

TripleTrans AM, That is a very accurate imagination to the tee.
Total experience, "Priceless".

[SergntMac]

ROTFLMAO, it's all true!

My first thought as I read through it, was that "this is a joke, and it belonged in the "Joke of the Day" thread."

After reading it through, I thought "no, this deserves better."

Great post, Steve, thanks.

[CRUZTAKER]

I think I just woke up Gage!!! ROTFLMAO

[junehhan]

I guess it's been a very long time since I used to be over on the CVN boards, but Sherriff, is that old coot Metroplex still around? I remember his passion he used to have for running a 10w40 oil or something like that in his 00 CV...............


I've seen that thing several times on the internet, and everytime I see it, more stuff get's added on and changed! Me, I choose to just have someone else change the oil for me, especially since i'm hearing how much of a ***** reaching the oil filter is on the Marauder.

[RCSignals]

Originally posted by SergntMac
ROTFLMAO, it's all true!

Well yes, it is. I wasn't feeling brave enough to say it though

[TripleTransAm]

As I said, I had no idea whether it had been posted on here previously... glad you all enjoyed it (yes, it's an oldie, but still very relevant )

[LincMercLover]

Yah... well... if Jiffy Lube would carry some damn Royal Purple...

[RedMM]

TripleTransAm- I have laughed so hard, that I'm having chest pains! Freakin hysterical!!! Thanks for posting it! Now, I will leave for the ER........

[junehhan]

Dude, i'm not sure if you even want to people at Jiffy Boob to touch your vehicle. I've heard too many horror stories, and i've experienced my own genuine Jiffy Boob horror story as well. Those bastards forgot to tighten an oil filter on my old Chevy van which popped off while I was driving onto the highway and by the time the oil pressure light came on, it was too late as the engine siezed when I finally managed to pull over into the emergency lane. They also stripped the hell out of the drain bolt on that van, as well as stripping the drain bolt on my mom's old 90 Taurus she used to have a while ago. Also, those guys use a Fram filter, and that's a good enough reason alone, to stay away from them.................

[widowmaker]

I work @ a Ford dealership,and recomend you have this done @ the dealer.It's cheaper and a lot cleaner.