Joke

[SHERIFF]

Yeah, I saw this on another forum, but I had to share it.

A little old lady walked into the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the window that she wished to take the $3 million she had in the bag and open an account with the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller seemed to think that was a reasonable request and after opening the paper bag and seeing the bundles of $1000 bills which amounted to right around $3 million, telephoned the bank's secretary to obtain an appointment for the lady.

The lady was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made and she stated that she would like to get to know the people she did business with on a more personal level. The bank president then asked her where she came into such a large amount of money. "Was it an inheritance?" he asked.

"No." she answered.

"Was it from playing the stock market?"

"No." she replied.

He was quiet for a minute, trying to think of where this little old lady could possibly come into $3 million.

"I bet." she stated.

"You bet?" repeated the bank president. "As in horses?"

"No." she replied, "I bet people."

Seeing his confusion, she explained that she justs bets different things with people. All of a sudden she said, "I'll bet you $25,000 that by 10:00 o'clock tomorrow morning, your balls will be square."

The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't see how he could lose. For the rest of the day, the bank president was very careful. He decided to stay home that evening and take no chances; there was $25,000 at stake.

When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make sure everything was okay. There was no difference; he looked the same as he always had. He went to work and waited for the little old lady to come in at 10:00 o'clock, humming as he went. He knew this would be a good day; how often do you get handed $25,000 for doing nothing.

At 10:00 o'clock sharp, the little old lady was shown into his office. With her was a younger man. When he inquired as to the man's purpose for being there, she informed him that he was her lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much money involved. "Well," she asked, "what about our bet?"

"I don't know how to tell you this," he replied, "but I am the same as I've always been only $25,000 richer."

The lady seemed to accept this, but requested that she be able to see for herself. The bank president thought this was reasonable and dropped his trousers. She instructed him to bend over and then grabbed a hold of him. Sure enough, everything was fine. The bank president then looked up and saw her lawyer standing across the room banging his head against the wall.

"What's wrong with him?" he inquired.

"Oh him," she replied, "I bet him $100,000 that by 10:00 o'clock this morning that I'd have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."

[SHERIFF]

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn't miss them until after they had been driving about twenty minutes. By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute. To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her...... "Dammit..... While you're in there, you might as well get my hat too!"

[SHERIFF]

The Washington Post held a contest asking for people to send in the most
un-romantic second line that they could think of that rhymes with the
romantic first line....here are the winners:

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Darn, I'm good at telling lies!

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,
the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I see your face when I am dreaming
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way.

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell!"

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

[Bradley G]

stop yer killin us:neener:

[jgc61sr2002]

Very funny. :woohoo: :D

[duhtroll]

Hey -

put these on the "joke of the day" forum. We can get that to 100,000 views! I believe it might be the longest thread ever.

-A

[SHERIFF]

Hey -

put these on the "joke of the day" forum. We can get that to 100,000 views! I believe it might be the longest thread ever.

-A


Threads that go on for page after page after page and millions of views...... usually end up causing quite a glitch in most bulletin board programs. But, correct me if I am wrong. I am basing my view on observations and other forums finally deleting gigantic threads. :fishslap:

[chrish]

.....Knock knock...... :beatnik:

[SHERIFF]

.....Knock knock...... :beatnik:


You wouldn't have that problem if you used premium gasoline! :)

[chrish]

Knock knock.......!!!!!!!!! :tmi: :tmi:

[Patrick]

Knock knock.......!!!!!!!!! :tmi: :tmi:

I am not going there either!!!! Try 93 Octane!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[djmcnary]

Knock knock.......!!!!!!!!! :tmi: :tmi:Oh what the heck.....I'll Bite!


Who's There??

[Patrick]

Oh what the heck.....I'll Bite!


Who's There??

Just waiting for the Bait. You Close to Marion????

[djmcnary]

Just waiting for the Bait. You Close to Marion????
Yep, Murphysboro, about 20 miles west of marion.

[chrish]

Knock knock.......!!!!!!!!! :tmi: :tmi:
Again :blah: :blah: :blah: :nerd:

[Patrick]

Yep, Murphysboro, about 20 miles west of marion.

I was just thier about a month agao (Marion) My uncle lives up thier. Next trip in the spring I give ya a yell!!

[RCSignals]

A very proper lady began planning a week's camping vacation for her and her Baptist Church group.
She wrote to a campground for reservations. She wanted to make sure that the campground was fully equipped and modern, but couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. So, she decided on the old-fashioned term "Bathroom Commode." Once written down she still was not comfortable.
Finally she decided on the abbreviation "B.C." and wrote, "does your campground have its own "B.C.?" When the campground owner received the letter, he couldn't figure out what she meant by "B.C." He showed it to several of the campers, one of whom suggested the lady was obviously referring to a Baptist Church since there was a letterhead on the paper which referred to a Baptist Church. So he sent this reply.

Dear Madam:
The B.C. is located nine miles from the camp ground in a beautiful grove of trees.
I admit it is quite a distance if you are in the habit of going regularly. No doubt you will be pleased to know that it will seat 350 people at one time, and it is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday of each week. Some folks like to take their lunch and make a day of it. The acoustics are very good, so everyone can hear even the quietest
passages. It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband there. We are also having a fund-raiser to purchase new seats, as the old ones have holes in them. Unfortunately my wife is ill and has not been able to attend regularly. It's been a good six months since she last went. It pains her very much not to be able to go more often.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, especially in cold weather. Perhaps I could accompany you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks who will be there. I look forward to your visit. We offer a very friendly campground.

[MapleLeafMerc]

Thanks Sheriff and RC!
:rofl: