MAD-3R
09-27-2004, 06:07 AM
Darth Vader is so bad-a$$…
1. He will walk straight into the sites of ferocious battles, just minutes after they've been settled. Be it Hoth or Princess Leia's ship, the guy is not afraid to get his hands dirty and bat clean-up.
2. He'll kill more Imperial officers in one morning than Luke did with his exhaust port torpedo bullseye.
3. He can wear a cape and still inspire fear and dread.
4. He can alter a deal multiple times on Billy Dee Williams.
5. His personal starship is the size of Nebraska.
6. Besides that crusty governor who evaporated in a ball of fire, he takes orders only from The Emperor, who, by the way, can shoot lightning out of his fingertips.
7. He'll slice off his son's right arm, throw appliances at him, then watch him plummet down a giant hole, all while undiplomatically breaking some big family news.
8. The guy will leap into a TIE fighter himself and enter the heat of interstellar battle, flanked by only a couple of pilots, who, as the records show, have an excellent chance of flying into each other.
9. He'll lay the attitude on Boba Fett, knowing the guy has a rope he can shoot from his wrist at any moment.
10. Blaster bolts are impervious to his palms.
11. His son won't talk back to him, even after the hundredth time he's been lectured about "destiny" and "Obi-Wan's failure, which is complete by the way."
12. He sounds like James Earl Jones.
13. He'll listen to his master yak on and on about his son taking his place, and how his son should kill him, and how he's a punk-ass ***** for not eviscerating him with a lightsaber, and still wait until Luke is almost deep-fried before realizing that the evil thing is not all it's cracked up to be.
14. He's unopposed to forcefully probing a 19-year-old girl.
15. He lives in what appears to be a snow globe or an oversized Easter egg.
16. He's losing his hair, and he's okay with that, thank you.
17. He is responsible for the wholesale slaughter of the Jedi order, which we know for a fact included small children.
18. He opts for murder by "slow, horrible, mystical asphyxiation" versus a quick thrust of the lightsaber or laser blast to the forehead.
19. Did I mention he has a cape? Well, he does.
20. His chest-mounted life support computer also doubles as an electronic day planner.
1. He will walk straight into the sites of ferocious battles, just minutes after they've been settled. Be it Hoth or Princess Leia's ship, the guy is not afraid to get his hands dirty and bat clean-up.
2. He'll kill more Imperial officers in one morning than Luke did with his exhaust port torpedo bullseye.
3. He can wear a cape and still inspire fear and dread.
4. He can alter a deal multiple times on Billy Dee Williams.
5. His personal starship is the size of Nebraska.
6. Besides that crusty governor who evaporated in a ball of fire, he takes orders only from The Emperor, who, by the way, can shoot lightning out of his fingertips.
7. He'll slice off his son's right arm, throw appliances at him, then watch him plummet down a giant hole, all while undiplomatically breaking some big family news.
8. The guy will leap into a TIE fighter himself and enter the heat of interstellar battle, flanked by only a couple of pilots, who, as the records show, have an excellent chance of flying into each other.
9. He'll lay the attitude on Boba Fett, knowing the guy has a rope he can shoot from his wrist at any moment.
10. Blaster bolts are impervious to his palms.
11. His son won't talk back to him, even after the hundredth time he's been lectured about "destiny" and "Obi-Wan's failure, which is complete by the way."
12. He sounds like James Earl Jones.
13. He'll listen to his master yak on and on about his son taking his place, and how his son should kill him, and how he's a punk-ass ***** for not eviscerating him with a lightsaber, and still wait until Luke is almost deep-fried before realizing that the evil thing is not all it's cracked up to be.
14. He's unopposed to forcefully probing a 19-year-old girl.
15. He lives in what appears to be a snow globe or an oversized Easter egg.
16. He's losing his hair, and he's okay with that, thank you.
17. He is responsible for the wholesale slaughter of the Jedi order, which we know for a fact included small children.
18. He opts for murder by "slow, horrible, mystical asphyxiation" versus a quick thrust of the lightsaber or laser blast to the forehead.
19. Did I mention he has a cape? Well, he does.
20. His chest-mounted life support computer also doubles as an electronic day planner.