Democrats Embark On Fact-finding Mission To Nascar

[N40GL]

Ted Kennedy Leads Delegation on Historic Journey

[BorowitzReport.com; 16 December 2004] Boldly going where no member of their party has ever gone before, key Democratic Party leaders embarked today on an historic fact-finding mission to Nascar.

The Nascar visit, the first ever undertaken by Democratic officials, took place only after party leaders devoted several months of research to determine precisely what Nascar was.

"Once we learned that Nascar involved cars and racing, and apparently had millions of fans, we looked at each other and said, 'We must learn more,'" said DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe.

The Democratic delegation to Nascar, headed up by Sen. Edward M. Kennedy (D- Mass), was then selected by "drawing straws," Mr. McAuliffe said.

After undergoing a six-week course in Nascar slang, customs and rituals, Sen. Kennedy and the other Democrats left for their mission in a forty-foot-long Plexiglas camper reminiscent of Pope John Paul II's "Popemobile."

Speaking through a public address system from inside the fortified camper, Sen. Kennedy addressed Nascar fans who had gathered at the Homestead-Miami Speedway.

"Citizens of Nascar, we come in peace," boomed Sen. Kennedy. "Please join us for a wine and cheese reception before this thrilling contest begins."

The Democrats' diplomatic overtures to Nascar were marred somewhat, observers said, when Sen. Kennedy's camper broke down, blocking all access to the speedway's restrooms.

But Mr. McAuliffe still declared the mission a success, adding that the Democrats would soon make historic fact-finding trips to Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Red Lobster.

[N40GL]

Yeah - I know. You're gonna close the thread. But it's funny anyway.

[BillyGman]

uhmm, is this a joke, or did they really do this? perhaps I'm not very up to date w/current news.

[BruteForce]

uhmm, is this a joke, or did they really do this? perhaps I'm not very up to date w/current news.

This is the clue: BorowitzReport.com. Though its a spoof, the concept is pretty close to reality. I wouldn't say its just a Dem problem though. I would think most DC insiders would feel out of place at a NASCAR event.

[Joe Walsh]

They forgot to mention the following:
"Upon hearing the loud exhaust and realizing that the Race Cars were running open pipes, Senator Kennedy announced the immediate need for NASCAR to begin implementing Catalytic Converters!"
Senator Kennedy also suggested that TOYOTA should be allowed to use the PRIUS Hybrid engine in the NASCAR Truck Series but be given a 400 mile head start! :D

[BillyGman]

This is the clue: BorowitzReport.com. Though its a spoof, the concept is pretty close to reality.
LOL...obviously I was a little slow on this one. Thankyou for spelling it out for me, and for having patience w/me because my question. :D

[Festus]

A mortified Sen. Kennedy vowed to craft a new bill imposing federal speed limits, noise and pollution controls on all Nascar vehicles. Sen. Kennedy is quoted as saying, "I see no logical reason why these vehicles need to drive in excess of 55 MPH and make such a noise doing it. After all they aren't going anywhere but around a big circle, much like the rotaries we have in the great state of Massachusetts."

[Mike Poore]

LOL...obviously I was a little slow on this one. Thankyou for spelling it out for me, and for having patience w/me because my question. :D
Hey Billy, you got a 50BMG, ain't nobody giving you no sh$t. ;)

[hitchhiker]

In the spirit of good humor...

Please don't wake Teddy from his alcholic stupor.

Legislation introduced to Outlaw Flintstones:

I think this same source also detailed a story on Tom Delay and fellow Republicans introducing leglistation to outlaw the Flintstones.

Said Delay, "We can't have another generation expecting to earn a good living, buy a home, and raise a family on the income from one American job."

"We must make the world safe for Wal-Mart!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Regards,

David

[Marauder8]

And Teddy Bare is my Senator :gangster:

[Joe Walsh]

A mortified Sen. Kennedy vowed to craft a new bill imposing federal speed limits, noise and pollution controls on all Nascar vehicles. Sen. Kennedy is quoted as saying, "I see no logical reason why these vehicles need to drive in excess of 55 MPH and make such a noise doing it. After all they aren't going anywhere but around a big circle, much like the rotaries we have in the great state of Massachusetts."

"Apparently, the only interest Senator Kennedy took in NASCAR was when a track official informed the Senator that fans could bring in their own BEER!"
NASCAR Officials declined Senator Kennedy's offer to: "Drive everyone around the track in the Pace Car"

[merc406]

In the spirit of good humor...

Please don't wake Teddy from his alcholic stupor.

Legislation introduced to Outlaw Flintstones:

I think this same source also detailed a story on Tom Delay and fellow Republicans introducing leglistation to outlaw the Flintstones.

Said Delay, "We can't have another generation expecting to earn a good living, buy a home, and raise a family on the income from one American job."

"We must make the world safe for Wal-Mart!"

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Regards,

David



You got that right Brotha!....It's happening as we type......

[MyTMerc]

A mortified Sen. Kennedy vowed to craft a new bill imposing federal speed limits, noise and pollution controls on all Nascar vehicles. Sen. Kennedy is quoted as saying, "I see no logical reason why these vehicles need to drive in excess of 55 MPH and make such a noise doing it. After all they aren't going anywhere but around a big circle, much like the rotaries we have in the great state of Massachusetts."

Much like the politicians.

[Mike Poore]

"Apparently, the only interest Senator Kennedy took in NASCAR was when a track official informed the Senator that fans could bring in their own BEER!"
NASCAR Officials declined Senator Kennedy's offer to: "Drive everyone around the track in the Pace Car"
Teddy was heard to say, as he drove towards the exit, " Which way to the ***hick*** Hyannis bridge?".;)

[Bluerauder]

"Upon hearing the loud exhaust and realizing that the Race Cars were running open pipes, ... :D
Joe, loud can't really describe it. Me and the S.O.B. sat in turn 3 at Richmond not too long ago during a Cup race. Because we had our heads turned left to look up the back straightaway, our left ear was facing the turn and the exhaust roar of the cars as they went through the turn. Even though I had earplugs, it took me more than 2 days before I fully recovered in that ear. Next time we take flightline muffs. :rofl: But what a great father-son bonding experience .... :D He is pushing really hard to go to Daytona, Talledega, and Lowe's Motor Speedway. Hey, don't they run at MIS during the Woodward Cruise Week?? :dunno:

[SergntMac]

Teddy was heard to say, as he drove towards the exit, " Which way to the ***hick*** Hyannis bridge?".;)
Yeah...Ted Kennedy having anything to do with driving a car is quite funny.

[hitchhiker]

Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by Joe Walsh

"Upon hearing the loud exhaust and realizing that the Race Cars were running open pipes, ... :D

</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

That was actually Condo-Lease-Ah Rice farting!

Quote:
<TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=6 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR><TD class=alt2 style="BORDER-RIGHT: 1px inset; BORDER-TOP: 1px inset; BORDER-LEFT: 1px inset; BORDER-BOTTOM: 1px inset">Originally Posted by Mike Poore
Teddy was heard to say, as he drove towards the exit, " Which way to the ***hick*** Hyannis bridge?".;)
</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>

I net nobody is willing to car pool with Teddy!

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Bigdogjim]

uhmm, is this a joke, or did they really do this? perhaps I'm not very up to date w/current news.

Good job Mark hooked one already:)

[Bigdogjim]

Ted Kennedy Leads Delegation on Historic Journey

[BorowitzReport.com; 16 December 2004] But Mr. McAuliffe still declared the mission a success, adding that the Democrats would soon make historic fact-finding trips to Wal-Mart, Home Depot and Red Lobster.


I feel for the Red Lobster if all you eat night when Ted arrives:lol:

[Bigdogjim]

Yeah - I know. You're gonna close the thread. But it's funny anyway.


I don't know their is no talk of S/C? Or oil? Or other items:lol:

Good for a laugh thanks:up:

Ps I got the picture cd from Indy thanks :up:

:P :P :P

[Bigdogjim]

Senator Kennedy also suggested that TOYOTA should be allowed to use the PRIUS Hybrid engine in the NASCAR Truck Series but be given a 400 mile head start! :D

Now why do I think this could be a real thing?

Ford would have to use it Except....:tmi:

[Joe Walsh]

Now why do I think this could be a real thing?

Ford would have to use it Except....:tmi:

Hey, Nascar let TOYOTA use their "Create-a-V8" in the Truck Series.......
Ahhhhhhhh....I have so many fond memories of all those Toyota push rod, small block V8s in the Tundras, Land Cruisers, etc.
Weren't they fun to drive and easy to work on! I think Toyota has probably made more push rod small blocks than Ford, Chevy, and Mopar combined! My only regret is that they didn't put one in a Supra and dominate LeMans!!

[hdwrench]

ever see the movie Jerry Maguire with the cheesy " you had me at hello" line?


well this is my version...

"you lost me at democrat."

:D