New Poll Results

[N40GL]

POLL: IN MATCH-UP BETWEEN HILLARY AND KERRY, MOST DEMOCRATS WOULD CHOOSE SUICIDE

Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says

[January 7, 2005; BorowitzReport.com] A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

"Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus" was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with "jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge" coming in second at 17%.

According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008.

"It's still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn't be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers," Mr. Pritchard said.

Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he doesn't do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, "That's better than a sharp stick in the eye."

But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry's upbeat assessment: "In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin."

Elsewhere, at his confirmation hearings yesterday, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales said, "You call this an interrogation? Where the heck are the hoods?"

[hitchhiker]

This political post is really off topic for this site.

Democrats have lessons to learn from the last election cycle. The most important is to return to their pro-labor/people roots and stop representing the fringe elements of our society.

Best Regards,

David

[Bigdogjim]

How about ...None of the above?

[klmore]

This political post is really off topic for this site.

Democrats have lessons to learn from the last election cycle. The most important is to return to their pro-labor/people roots and stop representing the fringe elements of our society.

Best Regards,

David It's a joke BorowitzReport.com is a political satire site.

Although I agree with your statement for the most part. :)

I'll take Poke in the Eye with a Sharp Stick.

[Petrograde]

go ahead,.... poke 'em out before this thread gets closed! :rofl:

[Joe Walsh]

It's WAY TOO EARLY to 'stir the political pot'....

But hang on to your wallets in '08...cause here comes Hillary! :puke:

[bigslim]

I won't even comment on your political humor! :mad:

[DEFYANT]

:bop: (hilary) :bop: (kerry) :poke: (klmore)

[Slowpoke]

Poke........... just because I like the word 'poke'

[Haggis]

:bop: (hilary) :bop: (kerry) :poke: (klmore)


:high5: :laugh: :corner:

[Two Hawks]

It's WAY TOO EARLY to 'stir the political pot'....

But hang on to your wallets in '08...cause here comes Hillary! :puke:
Better hang on to your wallets in '08, no matter who comes from that camp.

Your so right about not stiring that political pot. All we need to do is wait for the :censor: bodies to float to the serfice. :rofl:

Sorry bout that bigslim


I won't even comment on your political humor! :mad:

Disclaimer:
The opinions expressed here are strictly those of the poster and may not be shared by uninformed.
they are :rolleyes: not meant to bring on an :argue: or cause anyone to get :mad2:. :hmmm: Maybe :D :D

[GA-Marauder]

Heard it on talk radio this morning. Great satire, no matter which side of the aisle you're on. IMO Hillary's the man next election cycle. Pubbies better get ready, and not run some "it's my turn" candidate like Bob Dole (a great American, anyway). :P


POLL: IN MATCH-UP BETWEEN HILLARY AND KERRY, MOST DEMOCRATS WOULD CHOOSE SUICIDE

Survey Spells Trouble for Dems, Pollster Says

[January 7, 2005; BorowitzReport.com] A new survey of Democratic voters indicates that in a hypothetical match-up between Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and former presidential nominee John Kerry, most Democrats would choose suicide over either candidate.

The poll, conducted by the University of Minnesota's Opinion Research Institute, shows Mr. Kerry drawing 21%, Sen. Clinton 18%, and various forms of suicide 61%.

"Throwing yourself in front of a speeding city bus" was the most popular means of suicide at 22%, with "jumping off the roof of a really tall building or bridge" coming in second at 17%.

According to pollster Rockwell Pritchard, the surging popularity of suicide bodes ill for both Sen. Clinton and Sen. Kerry as potential presidential candidates in 2008.

"It's still very early, but even at this stage of the game the prospect of one of those two being nominated shouldn't be making Democrats want to kill themselves in these numbers," Mr. Pritchard said.

Reached at his home in Massachusetts, Sen. Kerry pointed out that while he doesn't do as well as suicide, he still polled higher than Sen. Clinton, adding, "That's better than a sharp stick in the eye."

But Mr. Pritchard was quick to throw cold water on Mr. Kerry's upbeat assessment: "In a head-to-head match-up, a sharp stick in the eye beats Sen. Kerry by a two-to-one margin."

Elsewhere, at his confirmation hearings yesterday, Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales said, "You call this an interrogation? Where the heck are the hoods?"

[Bradley G]

That's a laugh:rolleyes: have you looked at what this administration spends? Don't concern yourself,I doubt thier will be any money left by '08

Bradley G


It's WAY TOO EARLY to 'stir the political pot'....

But hang on to your wallets in '08...cause here comes Hillary! :puke:

[hitchhiker]

I wish we could find a Vulcan to run for president!

:D

The partisan @#$% is getting real old.

Best Regards,

David

[Bluerauder]

I wish we could find a Vulcan to run for president!

:D

The partisan @#$% is getting real old.

Best Regards,

David
I think any Vulcan worth his salt would find politics to be "Illogical" .....:lol:

[Bradley G]

Yeah,...Just what we need, another one who likes to dressing in tight little suits and playing war!:bs: :tantrum: :gunfire:

Bradley G


I wish we could find a Vulcan to run for president!

:D

The partisan @#$% is getting real old.

Best Regards,

David