N40GL
02-04-2005, 09:59 AM
47.2 Million Fat, Stupid Americans May Join Suit
[BorowitzReport.com; 4 February 2005] In what many legal experts are already calling a landmark case, an Illinois man today sued McDonald's and hotel heiress Paris Hilton for making him, in his words, "fat and stupid."
Davis Hopewell, 37, alleges in his legal complaint that he was of average weight and intelligence before eating a steady diet of McDonald's food and watching Paris Hilton's reality show "The Simple Life."
But after several months of ingesting both, Mr. Hopewell said, "I became the fat and stupid person I am today."
According to the complaint, Mr. Hopewell said that he attempted on several occasions to change the channel to something other than Ms. Hilton's television program, but was unable to do so because he became winded when he reached for the remote.
While Mr. Hopewell's legal action is thought to be the first of its kind, legal experts believe that it could become a major class-action lawsuit if an estimated 47.2 million fat and stupid Americans hold McDonald's and Paris Hilton responsible for their condition.
In an official response, McDonald's spokesman Leeza Renfroe said that the company would argue that Mr. Hopewell was well on his way to being both fat and stupid before he was exposed to their product.
Meanwhile, a spokesman for Ms. Hilton said that the hotel heiress will most likely employ the so-called "whatever" defense, meaning that she will reply to all questions in court by saying, "Whatever."
[BorowitzReport.com; 4 February 2005] In what many legal experts are already calling a landmark case, an Illinois man today sued McDonald's and hotel heiress Paris Hilton for making him, in his words, "fat and stupid."
Davis Hopewell, 37, alleges in his legal complaint that he was of average weight and intelligence before eating a steady diet of McDonald's food and watching Paris Hilton's reality show "The Simple Life."
But after several months of ingesting both, Mr. Hopewell said, "I became the fat and stupid person I am today."
According to the complaint, Mr. Hopewell said that he attempted on several occasions to change the channel to something other than Ms. Hilton's television program, but was unable to do so because he became winded when he reached for the remote.
While Mr. Hopewell's legal action is thought to be the first of its kind, legal experts believe that it could become a major class-action lawsuit if an estimated 47.2 million fat and stupid Americans hold McDonald's and Paris Hilton responsible for their condition.
In an official response, McDonald's spokesman Leeza Renfroe said that the company would argue that Mr. Hopewell was well on his way to being both fat and stupid before he was exposed to their product.
Meanwhile, a spokesman for Ms. Hilton said that the hotel heiress will most likely employ the so-called "whatever" defense, meaning that she will reply to all questions in court by saying, "Whatever."