dwasson
05-06-2005, 10:50 PM
BURBANK (IFOC) - The Walt Disney Corporation filed a $100 million lawsuit against Michael Jackson for copyright infringement today after the mother of a victim testified that Neverland Ranch was "the happiest place on earth."
"Everyone knows that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth," said Disney CEO Michael Eisner. "It's on the sign as you walk in. And we have hundreds of thousands of employees to make absolutely sure that we're the happiest place on earth. If still don't agree, then we've got hundreds of lawyers to make anyone who says otherwise absolutely and utterly miserable."
When pressed to compare Neverland Ranch to Disneyland, Eisner brought out several charts detailing happiness levels and attractions, all of which have been filed as part of the lawsuit.
"Plus, we're got a much lower molestations-per-guest coefficient than Neverland Ranch," said Eisner. "Even with three shifts of Goofy, Tigger, and Captain Hook per day and the occasional rejected offer of hush money to a molested guest, you're still looking at least than a tenth of a percent of our guests getting molested or sexually assaulted. We're pretty certain that Neverland Ranch has a factor that's fifty to sixty percent, and that's not including the chimpanzee or that Wesbter kid."
"Everyone knows that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth," said Disney CEO Michael Eisner. "It's on the sign as you walk in. And we have hundreds of thousands of employees to make absolutely sure that we're the happiest place on earth. If still don't agree, then we've got hundreds of lawyers to make anyone who says otherwise absolutely and utterly miserable."
When pressed to compare Neverland Ranch to Disneyland, Eisner brought out several charts detailing happiness levels and attractions, all of which have been filed as part of the lawsuit.
"Plus, we're got a much lower molestations-per-guest coefficient than Neverland Ranch," said Eisner. "Even with three shifts of Goofy, Tigger, and Captain Hook per day and the occasional rejected offer of hush money to a molested guest, you're still looking at least than a tenth of a percent of our guests getting molested or sexually assaulted. We're pretty certain that Neverland Ranch has a factor that's fifty to sixty percent, and that's not including the chimpanzee or that Wesbter kid."