You Might Have To Much Horsepower If ...

[twolow]

(pardon me if this has been posted)

YOU MIGHT HAVE TOO MUCH HORSEPOWER IF ...

1. The emissions test guy starts laughing as soon as you pull onto the rollers.
2. You can't drive your car in the rain.
3. Your 'significant other' is afraid to drive your car.
4. You are afraid to drive your car.
5. You spend more on tires than on food.
6. You spend more on car insurance than on house payments.
7. You look in a state police car and see a picture of your car taped to the dash.
8. You throw your underwear in the garbage rather than the hamper.
9. You have to go to the track to buy gas.
10. Your mechanic names the new wing of his shop after you.
11. Jacques Villeneuve and Michael Schumacher wave you by.
12. You can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
13. You're tempted to wear your fire suit just to drive to the office.
14. Red signal lights shift to green as you're approaching then shift back to red as you're receding.
15. You arrive somewhere before you left.
16. You get pulled over for doing 155 in a 35 but the cops will let you go if "they can look under the hood."
17. You remove the $2000 stereo system to save 6 lb. of weight.
18. You are not allowed to run in the Silver State Challenge.
19. You get an anonymous phone call asking if you are interested in being in the Cannonball Run.
20. Your face looks like you are riding a NASA centrifuge when you drive the car.
22. You need parachute braking.
23. Your 'significant other' won't even ride in the car.
24. There is no possible way to "sneak out" of your neighborhood at 6 am.
25. Your pets scramble for their hiding spots as soon as the garage door is opened. (Pets, and all the neighbors...)
26. Family photos throughout the house are replaced with life-sized posters of your car.
27. Fuel is delivered to your home: in 55 gallon drums!
28. You carry earplugs in your car.(doesn't everybody???)
29. The only spot on the car which receives any regular cleaning is the windshield. (what else is there to clean???)
30. You find out that side mirrors don't hold up at speeds exceeding 145 mph.
31. Young children cling to their mommies in fear when you round the corner.
32. Birds fall out of their nests from the rumble of your 5" dual exhaust.
33. All the major Tire makers are sending you free slicks in hopes of endorsment deal.
34. The UPS guy took to taking Steroids so he could keep up with your shipments.
35. The Fed Ex guy had a nervous breakdown.
36. All the wildlife within a 800ft radius around your house got the HELLOUT.
37. The nearest Geological Seismic Surveying Station Operator knows your address by heart.
38. A booming voice greets potential passengers with, "That's right ....you paid for the whole seat but you'll only need the EDGE.
39. The earth slows in rotation when you hook up on your new slicks and head east.
40. You have to screw your slicks to the wheels.
41. Your exhaust pipes are larger in diameter than your driveline.
42. Your fuel pump flows enough to water a golf course.
43. Your compression's high enough you could run diesel fuel.
44. The sparks from your wheelie bars start grass fires on the side of the road.
45. Your engine idles at 2800 rpm.
46. You measure the fuel you use in "gallons per mile."

[STLR FN]

47.NASA contacts you about using your car as the shuttle's next replacement.

[Captain Steve]

47.NASA contacts you about using your car as the shuttle's next replacement.48. Your boost guage reads higher than your tire guage.

[twolow]

Lets keep it going ;)

49. You crawl through window v/s using the doors

[twolow]

50. You can't reach the radio until you come to a stop

[LordVader]

:) 51. NASCAR fines you for dropping the "F"-bomb.

[twolow]

52. You replace your driver's side window with a net.

[Bluerauder]

52. You replace your driver's side window with a net.
53. You have to install a restrictor plate each morning before your normal commute.

[grampaws]

54. officer asks for your "Pilots licence and registration"

[STLR FN]

55. Oxygen masks are required for breathing.

[Fourth Horseman]

56. Drive line loops? You've had the entire under body of your car covered in kevlar!

[teamrope]

57. NHRA requires that your fuel ratio can not contain more than 70% nitro while the rest of the field is allowed 80%. :)

[twolow]

Cool responses :)

58. You change your clutch more than you change your oil.

[Smokie]

59. You have to get the front end repainted after each 1/4 mile run.

[twolow]

60. You have to lightly feather the gas through neighborhoods to keep from breaking the speed limit.

[Logan]

61. You had to park your car permanently. Every time you tapped the gas, it involved a jump to light speed and you ended up on the other side of the globe.

[martyo]

Bull****!

Horesepower is like money. It is not possible to have too much of either.

[twolow]

Bull****!

Horesepower is like money. It is not possible to have too much of either.
62. Marty envys you and always asks for you to drive. :P

[STLR FN]

:laugh:
62. Marty envys you and always asks for you to drive. :P
63. You take seriously the slogan: "Sit down and hold on tight"

[twolow]

64. You decide you need a five point harness racing seat after on a drag run you ended up in the back seat.

[Fourth Horseman]

65. The government has had to restrict your access to machined parts for your car in order to have sufficient industrial capacity to supply the troops in Iraq.

[SergntMac]

66. You have "no smoking dangerous fumes present" bumper stickers above each tailpipe.

[twolow]

65. The government has had to restrict your access to machined parts for your car in order to have sufficient industrial capacity to supply the troops in Iraq.
LOL, thats some serious hardware

[SergntMac]

67. Your exhaust is so loud, the EPA declared you a winner over Woodstock, class of '68

[SergntMac]

68. Your blower whine attracts female Dolphins in heat.

[SergntMac]

69. Simpson's restraints are now up to ten points, and they're not done.

[twolow]

70. You break the sound barrier to impress your friends

[NAVCHAP]

69. Test drivers need to change their drawers after they take it around the block.

70. Valet parkers have the "carsick" look on their faces when they hand you the keys.

-kjs-

[twolow]

71. Calculators error out and cannot display your total displacement

[SergntMac]

72. On your last run to pick up the office lunch, everything came back raw. BTW, that secretary you took out last Friday night is a virgin again too.

[twolow]

72. On your last run to pick up the office lunch, everything came back raw. BTW, that secretary you took out last Friday night is a virgin again too.
Horsepower is all the Doc needed in his Delorean...not plutonium. :D

[SergntMac]

73. The FAA just called, what do they mean "you're done, azzhole, that wasn't funny"?

[STLR FN]

74. Local DOT's send you the bill after your hot lap to the supermarket.

[SergntMac]

75. The DEA just called, they have a warrant for your rolling "meth" lab, care to discuss surrender?

[martyo]

75. The DEA just called, they have a warrant for your rolling "meth" lab, care to discuss surrender?

I wanted a choclate lab but I was too poor. And, I couldn't afford a black lab either. So, I bought a meth lab. Now, I can buy any damn dog I want.

[Logan]

I wanted a choclate lab but I was too poor. And, I couldn't afford a black lab either. So, I bought a meth lab. Now, I can buy any damn dog I want.
bwhahahahhahahahahahh:lol:

[SergntMac]

I wanted a choclate lab but I was too poor. And, I couldn't afford a black lab either. So, I bought a meth lab. Now, I can buy any damn dog I want.
Hehehe...

After I posted #75, I wondered if anyone would get it, only to realize just a bit later that few here would. It's time stamped humor, you would have had to spend some time on a crew nursing a nitro-methane gasser of the late '60s to catch my meaning, perhaps laugh with me. In the end, it's a sour post, but MartyO pulled it together after all. Thanks.

#76. The NHTSB just called, and they want you to know that you are now considered a convicted sex offender in 17 states, and must register with local police. Must be that secretary from your office, eh?

[Captain Steve]

#77 Ricers put little pictures of your car in their window to increase their horsepower... and it WORKS.

#78 You think your horn is broken because you can't hear it until the sound catches up at the next light.

[LCSO34]

#78 The local airport calls to see if you would be interested in racing an F-18 Hornet and Jet Truck at the next airshow.:D

[cyclone03]

#77 Ricers put little pictures of your car in their window to increase their horsepower... and it WORKS.

.
Good one Capt.

#80 All the windows on your house are cracked,and every window on your street too.

[LimoMerc]

#81 You are banned from all of your local Drive-Thru Restraunts.

[cyclone03]

#81 You are banned from all of your local Drive-Thru Restraunts.

I had a Mustang I had to turn off to order!

[LimoMerc]

#82 When you tell your wife your gonna go to the store and you'll be "back in second" and your back before she says ok.

[Fourth Horseman]

#77 Ricers put little pictures of your car in their window to increase their horsepower... and it WORKS.

:laugh: :lol:

[LimoMerc]

#83 Your doctor is prescibing you three times the normal amount of Rogaine.

[LimoMerc]

#84 The only hairdo that will work for you is a mullet.

[ex00p71]

#85 You've outrun Motorola more than once.

[LimoMerc]

#86 You bought your house because the driveway is exactly a 1/4 mile long.

[twolow]

#85 You've outrun Motorola more than once.
Good one!

87. Your garage at home has the latest lift and dyno machine

[twolow]

88. Your car just never moves but rather just burns out, despite the thousands spent on drag tires.

[merc]

#89 When NORAD identifies you as a UFO :pimp:

[CBT]

#90 Your Corvette is banned from Norfolk Naval Base for one year.

[twolow]

91. When you crank it, it flips over upside down

[Jerry Barnes]

The office tells you that you did not learn your lesson from the previous 8 officers that gave you a ticket(real world experience, sorry to say).

[LimoMerc]

#92 You find it necessary to strap your feet to the pedals.

[CRUZTAKER]

Bull****!

Horesepower is like money. It is not possible to have too much of either.
Which takes us off to another saying...

There are the HAVE'S, the HAVE NOTS, and the HAVE NOT PAID FOR WHAT THEY HAVE'S.

:P

[Smokie]

.... and the HAVE NOT PAID FOR WHAT THEY HAVE'S.

:P
That would be me.:eek:

[Petrograde]

93.) The A.P.R. for your mods is lower than your house!

[1stMerc]

93.) The A.P.R. for your mods is lower than your house!
94. Fido runs away whenever you try to take him for a ride to the park, but loves the wife's car.

[martyo]

Which takes us off to another saying...

There are the HAVE'S, the HAVE NOTS, and the HAVE NOT PAID FOR WHAT THEY HAVE'S.

:P

Thank God for those folks 'cuz they help me fulfill my quest fro "Too Much Horsepower"!

[merc]

95# When BillyGman asks you for advice on supercharging a marauder and Tire selection.

[marauderboi]

#96.When you back out of your garage theres a guy from the air port with orange sticks waving you out and behind him there is a guy with a megaphone telling people to evacuate there houses.

[gray bear]

#97 When NHRA has to create a special class just for you.

[Pat]

When your car registers on the Ricter scale and you get a call from the government inquiring about damage.

[Two Hawks]

99. You melted the bearings on the chassis dyno, on the last test.

[gray bear]

#100 The night picture from space shows a streak across your state.

[blown & bad]

:coolman: #101-Your traffic court date for speeding involves a jury trial.

[Bobby Clobber]

#102 You have to launch in second gear because Ist gear launches cause you to black out. :burnout:

[Bluerauder]

#103 The 5000 gallon tanker of 93 Octane stops at your private tank before making the rest of his deliveries.

[twolow]

104. The local drag strip installed arresting wires at the end of the track for your tail hook

[twolow]

105. Your car is equipped with a ejection seat in case you miss the arresting wires.

[ckadiddle]

106. You find that a real horse was sucked into your blower and you didn't notice any difference.

[mpearce]

107. People fight eachother to grab your blower belt as a souveneir, because it snaps off during every run.

[LordVader]

108. When Scotty yells at you "I''m trying to hold her together Captain, but she's breaakking apart"!!!

[mpearce]

109. You have to keep your hand off your ratchet shifter, because your launch is so violent, you will shift into second by accident.

[Bootlegger]

110. You tape Twenty Dollar bills to your dash, just to see if your passenger can reach them during launch.

[Fourth Horseman]

110. You tape Twenty Dollar bills to your dash, just to see if your passenger can reach them during launch.

111. The Twenty Dollar bills all end up flat against the rear window anyway.

[Captain Steve]

112. When you feel like messing with your friends, you drop them off at the airport, then pick them up at their destination.

[dwasson]

113. When you pass that guy in the Corvette, the slipstream sucks his toupee out the window.

[FiveO]

114. Everytime you drive down the interstate the highway department has to repaint the center line.

[ckadiddle]

115. You have to scrape ricers off the windshield instead of lovebugs.

[Merc-O-matic]

No. 116
When the guy in the toll booth closes his window,
so he won't be sucked out when you go by in the E-pass lane!
:lol:

[1stMerc]

No. 116
When the guy in the toll booth closes his window,
so he won't be sucked out when you go by in the E-pass lane!
:lol:
117. When you have to mix hair sprays to hold your hair in place.

[GodOSpeed]

118. The last time you hooked up you shifted the equator 5 ft.

[dwasson]

117. When you have to mix holding sprays to hold your hair in place.When you have to mix holding sprays to hold your hair on your head.

[FiveO]

#118 John Force pulls up next to you and says "Nice car!"

[woaface]

119. When people in Corvetts and Porsches ask "Which cop motor is THAT!"

[SergntMac]

Hehehe...

The Indiana State Police curb you, and strongly reprimand you, and your friends (hehehe), because (hehehe)...

"Those Lincolns are here! And they are tearing up our toll booths!"

Hehehe...

Guess y'all had to be there, to get this. Sorry. Nevermind...

[FiveO]

Hehehe...

The Indiana State Police curb you, and strongly reprimand you, and your friends (hehehe), because (hehehe)...

"Those Lincolns are here! And they are tearing up our toll booths!"

Hehehe...

Guess y'all had to be there, to get this. Sorry. Nevermind...

Some of us heard the story Mac! :)

:beer:

[Big House]

#120

Cops just top trying.

#121

Race fuel is mandatory.

[Ken]

Hehehe...

The Indiana State Police curb you, and strongly reprimand you, and your friends (hehehe), because (hehehe)...

"Those Lincolns are here! And they are tearing up our toll booths!"

Hehehe...

Guess y'all had to be there, to get this. Sorry. Nevermind...:rofl: :burn: :rofl:

[woaface]

I haven't heard this story yet Mac, do tell!

[twolow]

122. The guy at the gas station looks at you funny when you tell him to fill 'er up with JP-5.

123. When the side of your car has a red arrow with the word 'RESCUE' in white pointing to the door handle.

124. When you replace your steering wheel with a flight stick.

125. Instead of a 'red line' you have a mach indicator.

[MENINBLK]

126. When you step on the accelerator and everything goes BLACK...

127. When your headlights can't light past the front bumper.

[Dark_Knight7096]

128. The guy at the gas station looks at you funny when you tell him to fill 'er up with Dilithium Crystals.

[Dark_Knight7096]

129. Even after your request was denied and you were told the pattern was full, you buzz the tower anyway.

130. You have 2 high speed passes past an air traffic control tower and at least 1 past an admirals daughter.

[Leadfoot281]

129. The Sun actually dims when you start your car.

130. Your late getting to work 'cause you had to fill up. (3 times!)

131. Your differential has gears made by John Deere.

132. Your distributor and plug wires interfere with peoples radio's and T.V's. (This one is true, I know the guy).

[CBT]

133. Your ears pop and your sinuses drain everytime your light turns green.

[MyTMerc]

135. Your latest MOD was OBOGS

136. Your preflight checklist includes hooking up to your G-Suit

137. You were banned from California because your last run was recorded not only by track officials but also Seismologist.

[MyTMerc]

134. was just a blur

[CBT]

135. The Blue Angels ask you if you want to apply.

[DEFYANT]

136. The cop who just pulled you over, just laughs, gives you your stuff back and walks away.

[merc]

137. When your car is compared to the Guitar Nebula and Stanford University Scientists ask the question “How do you accelerate 2.4 tons from a standstill to over 1,800 kilometers per second, about one- half of one percent of the speed of light?

[Cheeseheadbob]

138. If after a 1/4 mile run, you have to stick your finger up your a$$ and yell "SNAKE" to get your thing to come back out! :D

[Big House]

139. You have trouble getting paint to stay on at WOT.

[Fastronald]

Too much horse power is a myth. lol

[python357]

140. When the State police radar gun flashes 999 then explodes.:mad2:

[gray bear]

You snap your own neck when you take off.

[MENINBLK]

141. The entire world has to adjust time, every time you launch.