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dwasson
06-23-2005, 08:43 AM
NO. 3 TERRORIST ACTUALLY NO. 9, BIN LADEN SAYS

Madman Unveils Organizational Chart in Latest Terror Tape

In a new terror tape broadcast today, al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden dismissed the importance of an al-Qaeda terrorist currently in U.S. custody, claiming that the terrorist, Abu Faraj al-Libbi, was not the No. 3 man in al-Qaeda but was actually only No. 9.

Mr. bin Laden took to the airwaves of the Arabic-language al-Jazeera network to downplay Mr. al-Libbi’s capture, saying that the terrorist had been demoted from No. 3 to No. 9 last autumn and that his role in the international terror group was “largely administrative.”

Using a PowerPoint presentation of al-Qaeda’s organizational chart, the world’s most wanted man offered viewers a rare glimpse into the structure of the highly secretive terror network.

According to the chart, Mr. al-Libbi had no terrorists of any consequence reporting to him and had been given the somewhat nebulous title of “community liaison.”

“Furthermore, Abu Faraj al-Libbi no longer has an al-Qaeda expense account and does not get reimbursed for mileage,” Mr. bin Laden said.

But in Washington, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld questioned Mr. bin Laden’s tepid appraisal of Mr. al-Libbi’s importance, saying that if the captured terrorist was not in fact No. 3, he was “at least No. 5 or No. 6.”

Supporting his position, Mr. Rumsfeld added, “We have credible intelligence indicating that Mr. al-Libbi was al-Qaeda’s Employee of the Month in April.”

Fourth Horseman
06-23-2005, 09:47 AM
Supporting his position, Mr. Rumsfeld added, “We have credible intelligence indicating that Mr. al-Libbi was al-Qaeda’s Employee of the Month in April.”

I wonder what their health care package is like. Do they have dental? I could use a career change.

merc
06-23-2005, 10:07 AM
Taliban TV Guide

MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionare"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"

hitchhiker
06-23-2005, 10:21 AM
Taliban TV Guide

MONDAYS:
8:00 - "Husseinfeld"
8:30 - "Mad About Everything"
9:00 - "Suddenly Sanctions"
9:30 - "The Brian Benben Bin Laden Show"
10:00 - "Allah McBeal"

TUESDAYS:
8:00 - "Wheel of Terror and Fortune"
8:30 - "The Price is Right If Usama Says Its Right"
9:00 - "Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
9:30 - "Afganistans Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
10:00 - "Buffy The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"

WEDNESDAYS:
8:00 - "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"
8:30 - "Bowling For Food"
9:00 - "Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pita Bread"
9:30 - "Just Shoot Everyone"
10:00 - "Veilwatch"

THURSDAYS:
8:00 - "Matima Loves Chachi"
8:30 - "M*U*S*T*A*S*H"
9:00 - "Veronicas Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils"
9:30 - "My Two Baghdads"
10:00 - "Diagnosis: Heresy"

FRIDAYS:
8:00 - "Judge Laden"
8:30 - "Funniest Super 8 Home Movies"
9:00 - "Who Wants To Execute A Multimillionare"
9:30 - "Achmeds Creek"
10:00 - "No-witness News"

:lol: :lol: :lol:


A good laugh out of that one!

:D

Breadfan
06-23-2005, 11:07 AM
NO. 3 TERRORIST ACTUALLY NO. 9, BIN LADEN SAYS


Using a PowerPoint presentation of al-Qaeda’s organizational chart, the world’s most wanted man offered viewers a rare glimpse into the structure of the highly secretive terror network.
OK, someone really needs to make a spoof Microsoft commercial, you know with all the white drawings around whats really happening...how they help his organization "reach it's potential" with Microsoft applications, haha!

;)

These were both funny, this story and the Taliban TV listing, cracked me up! :beer:

Dr Caleb
06-23-2005, 02:45 PM
Washington, DC – Porter Goss, the recently appointed director of the CIA says he has an “excellent idea” as to the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. In an interview with TIME magazine, Goss repeatedly made this assertion but claimed that capturing the al Qaeda leader would take time and require greater cooperation from allies in the war on terror.

Withdrawing a map of the solar system from his attaché case, Mr. Goss directed the TIME reporter’s attention to the third planet from the sun – the Earth. “According to the best available intelligence,” explained Goss, “we believe that bin Laden is somewhere on our planet.” This assertion has laid to rest recent speculation that the terrorist mastermind had fled the plant for what was rumored to be a hidden base on one of Saturn’s moons.


http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s2i8508

hitchhiker
06-23-2005, 09:30 PM
I understand that someone from a state that rhymes with taxes thinks they're on Mars. Sorry, no oil there. Satelites, radio, computers, huge rewards, and still they can't catch this guy. Making it up as they go along. Sad.

The Three stooges could do better and at least they are funny.

:D