dwasson
11-07-2005, 11:54 PM
WASHINGTON (AP) — The investigation into who leaked the name of a covert CIA agent in an apparent effort to punish a critic of the Bush administration’s justification for war in Iraq took a shocking turn when Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald indicted Scooter, the long-time gofer on The Muppet Show.
The indictment of the 43-year-old muppet — long the right-hand man to Muppet Show host Kermit T. Frog — sent shockwaves through both Washington and the Muppet Theater, as the investigation moved closer to implicating other muppets, including Dr. Teeth, Sam the Eagle, and George W. Bush.
“For Scooter, it is not time to play the music, nor is it time to light the lights,” Fitzgerald said, at a hastily called press conference. “Rather, it is time to get things started and co-operate fully with this investigation.”
Scooter was charged with three counts — giving false testimony, impeding a federal investigation, and hitting The Great Gonzo over the head with an oversized novelty mallet during one of the latter muppet’s trademark ill-considered stunts. If convicted, Scooter faces 30 years in federal prison, a $1 million fine, and an embarrassing duet with one of the Fraggles in the next muppet holiday special.
Scooter is the first muppet indicted since Big Bird was charged for perjury after denying under oath that he had a relationship with an intern at Mr. Hooper’s Store. Bird later pled guilty to a lesser charge and remains a popular muppet to this day.
Immediately following his indictment, Scooter tendered his resignation to Frog, which the Muppet Show host accepted “reluctantly.” “I would also remind people that Scooter is innocent until proven guilty,” Frog said in a statement. “And I would like to remind Scooter that loyal Republicans don’t finger their Commander in Chief.”
Fitzgerald’s investigation stems from a June 2003 episode of The Muppet Show in which the opening music number contained the lyrics, “It’s time to put on make-up/It’s time to dress up right/It’s time to reveal that former Ambassador Joe Wilson’s wife is, in fact, Valerie Palme, a covert CIA operative/on The Muppet Show tonight.” The lyrics were thought to be planted by a Bush administration official or muppet to retaliate against Wilson for disputing the president’s justification for invading Iraq and for heckling Fozzie Bear.
Despite the indictment of Scooter, Fitzgerald’s investigation is expected to continue. The prosecutor is paying special attention to the Swedish Chef to see if his now-famous note to jailed New York Times reporter Judith Miller — “Ooot Vest, vhere-a yuoo feceshun, zee espens veell elreedy be-a toorneeng. Zeey toorn in cloosters, becoose-a zeeur ruuts cunnect zeem. Boork Bork Bork!” — contained any concealed messages.
Fitzgerald stopped short of indicting another Scooter — the talking baseball who delights children and irritates baseball fans with his unenlightening explanations of baseball pitches during Fox telecasts. “Hey, gang, Scooter here,” the talking baseball said, as he left the federal courthouse flanked by his legal team. “Today, I’m going to teach you about Testifying in Exchange for Immunity from Prosecution.”
The indictment of the 43-year-old muppet — long the right-hand man to Muppet Show host Kermit T. Frog — sent shockwaves through both Washington and the Muppet Theater, as the investigation moved closer to implicating other muppets, including Dr. Teeth, Sam the Eagle, and George W. Bush.
“For Scooter, it is not time to play the music, nor is it time to light the lights,” Fitzgerald said, at a hastily called press conference. “Rather, it is time to get things started and co-operate fully with this investigation.”
Scooter was charged with three counts — giving false testimony, impeding a federal investigation, and hitting The Great Gonzo over the head with an oversized novelty mallet during one of the latter muppet’s trademark ill-considered stunts. If convicted, Scooter faces 30 years in federal prison, a $1 million fine, and an embarrassing duet with one of the Fraggles in the next muppet holiday special.
Scooter is the first muppet indicted since Big Bird was charged for perjury after denying under oath that he had a relationship with an intern at Mr. Hooper’s Store. Bird later pled guilty to a lesser charge and remains a popular muppet to this day.
Immediately following his indictment, Scooter tendered his resignation to Frog, which the Muppet Show host accepted “reluctantly.” “I would also remind people that Scooter is innocent until proven guilty,” Frog said in a statement. “And I would like to remind Scooter that loyal Republicans don’t finger their Commander in Chief.”
Fitzgerald’s investigation stems from a June 2003 episode of The Muppet Show in which the opening music number contained the lyrics, “It’s time to put on make-up/It’s time to dress up right/It’s time to reveal that former Ambassador Joe Wilson’s wife is, in fact, Valerie Palme, a covert CIA operative/on The Muppet Show tonight.” The lyrics were thought to be planted by a Bush administration official or muppet to retaliate against Wilson for disputing the president’s justification for invading Iraq and for heckling Fozzie Bear.
Despite the indictment of Scooter, Fitzgerald’s investigation is expected to continue. The prosecutor is paying special attention to the Swedish Chef to see if his now-famous note to jailed New York Times reporter Judith Miller — “Ooot Vest, vhere-a yuoo feceshun, zee espens veell elreedy be-a toorneeng. Zeey toorn in cloosters, becoose-a zeeur ruuts cunnect zeem. Boork Bork Bork!” — contained any concealed messages.
Fitzgerald stopped short of indicting another Scooter — the talking baseball who delights children and irritates baseball fans with his unenlightening explanations of baseball pitches during Fox telecasts. “Hey, gang, Scooter here,” the talking baseball said, as he left the federal courthouse flanked by his legal team. “Today, I’m going to teach you about Testifying in Exchange for Immunity from Prosecution.”