dwasson
11-22-2005, 09:51 AM
* The first controlled nuclear chain reaction took place in Chicago in 1942, and ushered in a new era of cheap, sustainable electric power and protests by filthy hippies.
* Coal- and oil-fired power plants burn "fossil fuels" which come from the remains of prehistoric dinosaurs. By contrast, nuclear power plants burn radioactive dinosaurs like Godzilla and Rodan.
* Just kidding. The TRUE source of nuclear power is a mysterious green ooze found in New York sewers.
* No, wait... That's TURTLE power. Nevermind.
* There have been no recorded deaths in the United States from nuclear power plants. This is due to stringent operational procedures and the fact that the safety records keep getting vaporized by atomic fireballs.
* No, NOT the candy.
* Nuclear waste can be safely and permanently disposed of by transporting it in Ted Kennedy's car.
* The source of nuclear power is nuclear fission - the result of subatomic particles coming together energetically. It should only be done by particles who love each other very much and have had their union blessed by the Church.
* The result of fission is the creation of numerous, smaller, high-energy, subatomic particles called "neutrons", or - if the union hasn't been blessed by the Church - "bastardons".
* When most Americans think of nuclear power, they think of Russia's horrific Chernobyl disaster. However, it's not a fair comparison, because - unlike safety-conscious American reactor operators - Commies can't hold their liquor.
* Despite the massive amounts of radiation released in the accident at Three Mile Island, recent studies have found that it was actually less damaging to human beings than exposure to a Half-Time wardrobe malfunction.
* As a nuclear power plant ages, constant exposure to radiation causes the surrounding containment structure to become weak and brittle, like the bones of the elderly. To avoid this problem, modern reactor containment systems are constructed only with the bones of young children.
* If a nuclear power plant bites you, you become an evil, mindless, flesh-eating zombie, just like in that movie, "Lady and the Tramp".
* BRAAAAAAAINS...
* Which, speaking from personal experience, isn't NEARLY as bad as it sounds.
* Except for the whole "being owned by Disney" part,
* Coal- and oil-fired power plants burn "fossil fuels" which come from the remains of prehistoric dinosaurs. By contrast, nuclear power plants burn radioactive dinosaurs like Godzilla and Rodan.
* Just kidding. The TRUE source of nuclear power is a mysterious green ooze found in New York sewers.
* No, wait... That's TURTLE power. Nevermind.
* There have been no recorded deaths in the United States from nuclear power plants. This is due to stringent operational procedures and the fact that the safety records keep getting vaporized by atomic fireballs.
* No, NOT the candy.
* Nuclear waste can be safely and permanently disposed of by transporting it in Ted Kennedy's car.
* The source of nuclear power is nuclear fission - the result of subatomic particles coming together energetically. It should only be done by particles who love each other very much and have had their union blessed by the Church.
* The result of fission is the creation of numerous, smaller, high-energy, subatomic particles called "neutrons", or - if the union hasn't been blessed by the Church - "bastardons".
* When most Americans think of nuclear power, they think of Russia's horrific Chernobyl disaster. However, it's not a fair comparison, because - unlike safety-conscious American reactor operators - Commies can't hold their liquor.
* Despite the massive amounts of radiation released in the accident at Three Mile Island, recent studies have found that it was actually less damaging to human beings than exposure to a Half-Time wardrobe malfunction.
* As a nuclear power plant ages, constant exposure to radiation causes the surrounding containment structure to become weak and brittle, like the bones of the elderly. To avoid this problem, modern reactor containment systems are constructed only with the bones of young children.
* If a nuclear power plant bites you, you become an evil, mindless, flesh-eating zombie, just like in that movie, "Lady and the Tramp".
* BRAAAAAAAINS...
* Which, speaking from personal experience, isn't NEARLY as bad as it sounds.
* Except for the whole "being owned by Disney" part,