A Brief History of Thanksgiving

[dwasson]

When the Pilgrims came to the Americas, the Indians welcomed the new interlopers who had decided not to slaughter all the natives and seize the land... yet. The Pilgrims, the Indians, and the turkeys all worked together in harmony to grow corn and tobacco and drill for oil on the behest of Halliburton. Everyone was happy... until the ninja attack! The Pilgrims fought back with their guns that had barrels shaped like horns while the Indians used their ancient Indian magic and arrows (mainly arrows). And there was much kung fu fighting. Eventually the Pilgrims and the Indians prevailed, but they wondered how had the ninjas found them at all. This was answered when the they saw the turkeys hiding their bags of ninja gold. The Pilgrims and the Indians then slaughtered the traitorous turkeys and prepared them to eat in a feast where they gave thanks to God for their victory over the ninjas. This became known as "Victory Over Ninjas Day" but was changed to "Thanksgiving Day" after the 1679 Ninja Peace Accord.

To this day, the turkeys have never been forgiven.