If you have teenage daughters ...

[89VERT]

If you have teenage daughters who occasionly have young "Gentleman " arriving to take them out , you might want to remeber this line ....


"If you pull into the driveway and honk the horn.
You better be dropping something off, cause you sure aren't picking something up."

[FordNut]

If you have teenage daughters who occasionly have young "Gentleman " arriving to take them out , you might want to remeber this line ....


"If you pull into the driveway and honk the horn.
You better be dropping something off, cause you sure aren't picking something up."
The way I grew up it didn't matter if it was sons or daughters. If you pull in the driveway and honk the horn, you might as well be backing on out and leaving. Dad's thoughts were if you didn't have the decency to come to the door and knock then you got no business here anyway. The life lessons that stick with you, kind of amazing.

[Gre8one7]

yea....ive never honked...but then again im not scared of parents.

[Donny Carlson]

I picked her up up th street a ways. After the parental units went to bed, it was out the window, Donny waiting up the street a bit with the lights out and dome light shut off (nice feature on VW's), then back before daylight.

Ah, my misspent youth. Was hell to get up for school or work the next day, but worth it.

[mcb26]

Pull in my driveway and honk expect gunfire.:uzi: until the anoying noise is silenced.

[spiders]

well having teenaged sons and daughters, I both shoot first then take tag info and request proof of identity! heh heh
Actually, I do. I expect them to come in, meet me, and show me some proof that they're who and what they say they are... also cuts down on driving without a license in the case of my son's friends!
But then in my misspent youth I lost the license twelve days after getting it in VA for speeding with intent to ellude... 4 counts because I crossed counties. Taught me to drive faster!!

[spub]

If you have teenage daughters who occasionly have young "Gentleman " arriving to take them out , you might want to remeber this line ....


"If you pull into the driveway and honk the horn.
You better be dropping something off, cause you sure aren't picking something up."

As of today (my youngests birthday) I have three teenage daughters. Lordy help me.


Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter :nono:


Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will
remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age
to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling
off their hips. I want to be fair and open minded about this
issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with
your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I
will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes
do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my
daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your
trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without
utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate. When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill
you.


Rule Five:
I am not interested in hearing your opinions on sports, politics,
or any other issues of the day. The only information I require
from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is
"early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities
to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay
with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little
girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is
finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If
you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful,
like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer
than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen,
or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places
where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where
the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to
wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than
overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her
throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be
avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games
are okay. Old folk's homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my
daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If
I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance
to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I
have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not
trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake
the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over
a rice paddy outside of Saigon. When my Agent Orange starts acting
up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as
I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into
the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain
sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice
that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then
return to your car- there is no need for you to come inside. The
camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[Bluerauder]

yea....ive never honked...but then again im not scared of parents.
Apparently, you haven't met the right ones yet !! :rolleyes:

When my daughter was dating, I would often meet "the new guy" on his first visit at the door and ask "... if he was ready for the test. Written test - only 100 questions". Their reaction to that simple statement provided alot of insight into their character and who they were. Some came back ... some didn't. :rolleyes: However, one day a couple years back, one of the guys shows up for the 2nd date with two #2 pencils with newly sharpened points announcing that he was "Prepared to take the test". They were married last June. :D

[spiders]

I like that, and the rules were hysterical... wherever did you find them???
Wish I had posted them when the oldest was less than 20!

[mcb26]

Rule 11 I don't mind going back to jail:D

[Gre8one7]

Apparently, you haven't met the right ones yet !! :rolleyes:

When my daughter was dating, I would often meet "the new guy" on his first visit at the door and ask "... if he was ready for the test. Written test - only 100 questions". Their reaction to that simple statement provided alot of insight into their character and who they were. Some came back ... some didn't. :rolleyes: However, one day a couple years back, one of the guys shows up for the 2nd date with two #2 pencils with newly sharpened points announcing that he was "Prepared to take the test". They were married last June. :D

Haha...my last gfs parents wouldnt let me inside the house for the longest time...her dad liked me...but then hated me...then torwards the end of are relationship he really started liking me again...he will be the guy working on my Marauder lol. Im one of the good kids around here, clean, preppy, actually nice and i have had a job since i was 12(only 18 now though lol). And spub...with a little changing of rule 8 can i meet your daughters?(god hes going to kill me!)

[wsmylie]

Pretty funny post SPUB.... brings back a flood of "dealing with the parents" teenage dating memories from the Cleveland area (I see you're in Rocky River). For some reason the dads in that region seemed to be tougher on the young gents who came calling I think. Our favorite 1960's parking spots were in the Brecksville Reservation (now called Cuyahoga Vallley Conservation Region IIRC). I too had to resort to the parking down the street tactic and other subterfuge to avoid having to deal with dads. Back then most of the fathers were salty old war vets (WW II) and were not men to be trifled with; they certainly were not above carrying out a little neighborhood surveillance activity in search of suspicious parked cars when the daughter innocently said she was going out for a walk. Moved to south Florida in 1970 as a young adult and having come from the Cleveland area had never had much exposure to the Hispanic culture. The first time I asked a Cuban girl out I had to go through the whole parent meeting thing as usual. What happened next was unusual.... when we were leaving her house to drive to the movies her spinster older cousin (in her forties probably, didn't speak any english and real homely) got in the car too and accompanied as a chaperone for the entire evening. She sat directly behind us at the theater. And I had thought things were tough in Cleveland! :D

[Brutus]

Knew I'd seen these before!

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/forums/showthread.php?t=7193

[duhtroll]

You'd be amazed at the stuff that gets reposted every year or two.

The joke of the day thread I bet has at least a dozen repeats in that one thread alone.

-A

[dok]

Once when I was dating a girl for the first time, her father answered the door and invited me in. We had some pleasant chit chat until my date was ready. When she appeared, he looked at me and said "I'll get the cheese". When I looked at him strangely, he said "nobody dates my daughter until they eat a big hunk of limburger cheese".

Fortunately he was joking, but I got the message.

[twolow]

When I was a bit younger I dated chicks with kids already. The parents really didn't give a damn what we did :rolleyes:

[David Morton]

When you have a son, you know that 15 years later there will be another prick in your life to worry about.

Having a daughter is a day for mourning because you know that 15 years later, there's going to be a hundred pricks to worry about.

This reminds me of the farmer that had three daughters. One friday night came a knock on the door...

"Hi! I'm Eddie. Come to get Betty. We're goin' for spaghetti. Is she ready?"

Ten minutes later, another knock...

"Hello, I'm Joe. Come to get Flo. We're goin to the show. Tell her it's time to go."

Ten minutes later...

"Hi, I'm Chuck! Came to.."

Didn't finish because he started running when he saw the farmer reaching for his shotgun.

:lol:

[Hotrauder]

Knew I'd seen these before!

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/forums/showthread.php?t=7193

oooppps! Plagiarism on the internet! Imagine that...but from a brother? tisk, tisk.

[MI2QWK4U]

My 8 year old daughter is learning well, when recently asked what she would do if a boy said he liked her...."My daddy has a shotgun and a shovel, and isn't afraid to use 'em." Thats my girl...

[spiders]

smart girl!

[spub]

oooppps! Plagiarism on the internet! Imagine that...but from a brother? tisk, tisk.

Actually, this has been in my files for the last five or six years. I do check most of the posts here, but ya can't read everything :rolleyes: .

[spub]

Actually, this has been in my files for the last five or six years. I do check most of the posts here, but ya can't read everything :rolleyes: .

And on the same subject :)


Permission Slip

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, school history, job history, ancestral
lineage, DMV printout, and a current medical report from your doctor.
NAME__________________________ ____________ DATE OF BIRTH______________
HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________
SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________
BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES________________________ ______________________
HOME ADDRESS_______________________ ___ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____
Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________
If NO, please explain ______________________________ ___________________
Number of years they have been married ______________________________ __
If less than your age, explain ______________________________ __________
Do you own a van? _____________A truck with oversized tires?___________
A waterbed?_____________A pickup with a mattress in the back?__________
A condom?_______________Pornogra phy?_______________Do you have an
earring,
nose ring, or a belly button ring? ______________A tattoo?_____________
(IF YES TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)
In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?_______________________
In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
______________________________ ______________________________ ____________
In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?__________________
Church you attend ______________________________ ________________________
How often you attend ______________________________ _____________________
When would be the best time to interview your:
father? _____________ priest? _______________
mother? _____________ parole officer? _______
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are
confidential.
A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
______________________________ ______________________________ _________
B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
______________________________ ______________________________ _________
C: A woman's place is in the:__________________________ ______________
D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
______________________________ ______________________________ _________
E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
______________________________ ______________________________ _________
NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises
keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.
What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________
______________________________ ______________________________ _________
What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________
Condoms come in packages of (circle one)
A: 3
B: 6
C: 9
D: 12
E: ALL OF THE ABOVE
How do you know?_________________________ ____________________________
I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN
ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT
POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
______________________________ _____________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron)
Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.
You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try
to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury).
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman
wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases (you might want
to watch your back).
Have a nice day.

[spub]

And one for those of you with boys :D


Raising Boys - 25 key points to ponder
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is
hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a
Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can,
to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few
times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long
way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already
too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though
a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still
can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials
show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do
not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or
without kids.

How many things could we add to this? Aren't boys great?

[spiders]

I kinda feel for my son now... he's dated a few girls with Dad's like that! heh heh

[Ken]

Actually, this has been in my files for the last five or six years. I do check most of the posts here, but ya can't read everything :rolleyes: .I missed it the first time too! Glad that it was reposted. I've also got three daughters, 11, 12, and 14. Need to print it out and post it on the front door.:D

[Gre8one7]

"24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid."

does this work? lol....for some odd reason i will try it :)

[spiders]

liked the boys post too, thanks!

[Ken]

The permission slips are printing as I type:D Spub, I need to talk to you for more tips:bows: . You da man:beer:

[spub]

And finally, two for those of you with toddlers :P

Toddler’s Creed
If I want it, it’s mine
If I give it to you and change my mind later, it’s mine.
If I can take it away from you, it’s mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.
If it’s mine, it will never belong to anybody else, no matter what.
If we are building something together, all the pieces are mine.
If it looks just like mine, it is mine.


A Toddler's Creed
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is folded, I must unfold it.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is high, it must be reached.
If it is shelved, it must be unshelved.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is not trash, it must be thrown away.
If it is in the trash, it must be removed, inspected, and thrown on the floor.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it has drawers, they must be rifled.
If it is a pencil, it must write on the refrigerator, monitor, or table.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is empty, it will be more interesting full.
If it is a pile of dirt, it must be laid upon.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.
It must be pushed by me instead.
If it has a flat surface, it must be banged upon.
If Mommy's hands are full, I must be carried.
If Mommy is in a hurry and wants to carry me, I must walk alone.
If it is paper, it must be torn.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If the volume is low, it must go high.
If it is toilet paper, it must be unrolled on the floor.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it is a toothbrush, it must be inserted into my mouth.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it is a phone, I must talk to it.
If it is a bug, it must be swallowed.
If it doesn't stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is dry, it must be made wet with drool, milk, or toilet water.
If it is a carseat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am toddler!

[twolow]

"24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake
fluid."

does this work? lol....for some odd reason i will try it :)

I wanna try it to. Is it harmful?? Do it outside? I need some 411 on this :)

[BruteForce]

Is it harmful?? Do it outside?

Heck no! Do it in the front seat of your car. Be sure to setup the video camera first. :P

[LiLWrink]

I had my own place from the time I was 16, and worked very hard to keep the farm going and finish school at the same time. That was when my grandmother passed, and I was the only one in the family who wanted the farm...I am still here.
I didnt have time to chase women, or date some little "pampered floozy-whom daddy was convince was an angel."
I simply did not have the luxury, If I took time off, I did not eat...

I was discovered in the middle of harvest in 92...My wife found me. Our first cruise was in a combine cutting wheat, supper that night was homeade tamales with our fingers, and Coors beer iced in a water cooler. Our dates were simple and sincere, and country, If it had been any other way, i would not be here now.

She brought her mom and dad out to my place for our first introduction. We flipped steaks and he discovered my Hot Rods in the barn...we spent the next six hours discussing cars and racing.
They are great people, He says that he never had a doubt, after meeting me...of course I never went so far as trying to interprit that...

I very much enjoy the company of my inlaws, and I was always very open, and forward about my intentions.
I dont believe that many young men have the maturity to work for a claimstake, to educate themselves, to be determined to be successful, so there is something of value to show for themselves.
I was a little differant.