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View Full Version : Standard Disclaimer for the Web Site (part I)



Mark [N4OGL]
04-18-2003, 04:38 PM
It occurred to me that, with all the modifications and enhancements being discussed, endorsed or recommended around here, we could use a "Standard Disclaimer" to protect us all from liability. So, herewith and henceforth, I present the new Standard Disclaimer for the MercuryMarauder.net Web Site (no need to thank me). Best if viewed in very tiny type:

Not intended for off-road use. Best if used before date on carton. May explode if recharged improperly. Contains no artificial colors or ingredients. This product is meant for educational purposes only. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Simulated picture. Times approximate. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. As seen on TV. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Colors may, in time, fade. We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you. For office use only. Not affiliated with the American Red Cross. Edited for television. Post office will not deliver without postage. List was current at time of printing. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Do not write below this line. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. Use only in well-ventilated area. Keep away from fire or flame. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Price does not include taxes. Not recommended for children. No alcohol, dogs, or horses. Restaurant package, not for resale. Packaged by weight, not volume: some settling may occur during shipping. Opened for inspection. Lather, rinse, repeat. Keep out of reach of children. For external use only. Do not exceed recommended dosage. Suggested serving. Do not remove this tag until sold for retail. Dry clean only. Not for use with the Republican party. If left parked for over 10 minutes, may be towed. Ask your doctor or pharmacist. Do not open. Authorized personnel only. You may have additional rights which vary from state to state. Not recommended for children under 12. Parental guidance is irrelevant. Batteries not included. Does not come with any other figures. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle. Postage will be paid by addressee. Address correction requested. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. Not for internal use. May be unsettling to some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational purposes only. Do not disturb. Must be over 18 or have your parent's permission. If condition persists, consult your doctor. Freshest if eaten before date stamped on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. Place stamp here. One backup copy may be made. One size fits all. Colors may, in time, fade. Any imperfections are inherent in the material. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Net weight before cooking. Post Office will not deliver without postage. Keep cool; process promptly. List current at time of printing. At participating locations only. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Licensed for home exhibition only. Copyrighted (c) 1994. Do not write below this line: Avoid contact with skin. Sign here. This signature is not an admission of guilt. For official use only. Your canceled check is your receipt. Tax-deductible if you itemize deductions. Abort, Retry, Fail? Slightly higher in Alaska and Hawaii. Employees and their families are not eligible. You must be present to win. Limited time offer. Must be 21. Picture ID required. No purchase necessary. Keep away from fire or open flame. Price shown does not include tax. Reproduction strictly prohibited. All rights reserved. No soliciting. No shoes, no shirt, please use drive-thru. Not for resale. Call toll-free for more information. Brought to you by the letters J, T, and A. Hellllooooooo Nuurrssse! This is a test, this is only a test. We all live in a yellow submarine. My God, it's full of stars. Ok Love You Bye Bye. :-) Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Void where prohibited. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Batteries not included. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Subject to CAB approval. You need not be present to win. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. If condition persists, consult your physician. No user-serviceable parts inside. Freshest if eaten before date on carton. Subject to change without notice. Times approximate. Simulated picture. No postage necessary if mailed in the United States. Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop. For off-road use only. As seen on TV somewhere, somehow, sometime. One size fits all. Many suitcases look alike. Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients. Slippery when wet. For office use only. Drop in any mailbox. Edited for television. Keep cool; process promptly. Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward. Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform. At participating locations only. Not the Beatles. Penalty for private use. See label for sequence. Substantial penalty for early withdrawal. Falling rock. Lost ticket pays maximum rate. Your canceled check is your receipt. Add toner. Avoid contact with skin. Sanitized for your protection. Be sure each item is properly endorsed. Open this end. Sign here without admitting guilt. Slightly higher west of the Mississippi. Employees and their families are not eligible. Beware of dog. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery. You must be present to win. No passes accepted for this engagement. No purchase necessary. Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton. Shading within a garment may occur. Use only in a well-ventilated are. Keep away from fire or flames. Replace with same type. Approved for veterans. Booths for two or more. Check here if tax deductible. Some equipment shown is optional. Price does not include taxes. No Canadian coins. Not recommended for children. Prerecorded for this time zone. Reproduction strictly prohibited. No solicitors. No alcohol, dogs or horses. No anchovies unless otherwise specified. Restaurant package, not for resale. List at least two alternate dates. First pull up, then pull down. Call toll free number before digging. Hey, come out and play. Welcome to paradise. Driver does not carry cash. Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Record additional transactions on back of previous stub. Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This supersedes all previous notices. This message does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, or my friends; don't quote me on that; don't quote me on anything; all rights reserved; you may distribute this message freely but you may not make a profit from it; terms are subject to change without notice; illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail; any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is unintentional and purely coincidental; do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law; hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat; do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle; your mileage may vary; no substitutions allowed; for a limited time only; this message is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted; caveat emptor; message is provided "as is" without any warranties; reader assumes full responsibility; an equal opportunity message; no shoes, no shirt, no message; quantities are limited while supplies last; if any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center; read at your own risk; parental advisory - explicit lyrics; text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised; keep away from sunlight; keep away from pets and small children; limit one-per-family please; no money down; no purchase necessary.

Mark [N4OGL]
04-18-2003, 04:39 PM
Here's the rest of it:

You need not be present to win; some assembly required; batteries not included; instructions are included; action figures sold separately; no preservatives added; slippery when wet; safety goggles may be required during use; sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken.; call before you dig; not liable for damages arising from use or misuse; for external use only; if rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading; read only with proper ventilation; avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place; keep away from open flames; avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes; do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit; do not place near a flammable or magnetic source; smoking this message could be hazardous to your health; the best safeguard, second only to abstinence; no salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added; if ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician; possible penalties for early withdrawal; offer valid only at participating sites; slightly higher west of the Rockies; allow four to six weeks for delivery; must be 18 to read; disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God, neglect, damage from improper reading, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized reading, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, stones, etc.); other restrictions may apply.

Logan
04-18-2003, 04:40 PM
Hilarious... :lol:

TAF
04-18-2003, 04:44 PM
VERY funny Mark...and in only 26 posts...

RF didn't start to post anything even slightly amusing until 500-525

RF Overlord
04-18-2003, 04:46 PM
You only got one thing wrong...#28...

"As seen on TV"

NOT!

:lol: :lol: :rasta:

TAF
04-18-2003, 04:48 PM
Originally posted by RF Overlord
You only got one thing wrong...#28...

"As seen on TV"

NOT!

:lol: :lol: :rasta:

You actually counted them...Holy Moly!!!

RF Overlord
04-18-2003, 04:54 PM
Originally posted by TAF

RF didn't start to post anything even slightly amusing until 500-525

:censor: :uzi:

LincMercLover
04-18-2003, 05:37 PM
This one too...


One size fits all.

Need I really explain? :D

Mikeenh
04-18-2003, 06:20 PM
A mind is a terrible thing to waste :sleepy:

SergntMac
04-19-2003, 09:28 AM
This man is obviously affected by the one disclaimer he failed to read about red dye #7.

Marty...I have Hunt's on line 2...

Billatpro
04-19-2003, 09:54 AM
I think there is a new "Long winded post" champ? But I'm going to Mac win it back when I post the "SergntMac Congressional charter of Mod's Compendiem" merged with a whole page or two of "White Papers"(a febal plan of mod stages)

Logan will die when this thing goes on line!!!:eek:

CRUZTAKER
04-20-2003, 04:54 AM
Originally posted by Mikeenh
A mind is a terrible thing to waste :sleepy:

A mind is a terrible thing.

MERCMAN
03-30-2004, 07:57 AM
just have to bring this back up from the bowels of the archive for our newer members!!

MAD-3R
03-30-2004, 08:06 AM
just have to bring this back up from the bowels of the archive for our newer members!!

No you didn't...

Bluerauder
03-30-2004, 09:00 AM
A mind is a terrible thing to waste :sleepy:
I thought the actual quote was "It's a terrible thing to lose your mind", Dan Quayle, c. 1992.

And for the record, I did see the Marauder commercial on TV -- twice !! Then gone forever.

Petrograde
03-30-2004, 11:31 AM
wow,... I'm not really expected to read the WHOLE thing am I?

hey computer guys: do archives really have bowels? ewwwww!

gdmjoe
03-30-2004, 07:42 PM
You missed one .....

Close cover before striking.

And for your further listening pleasure and reading amusement ...

DETERIORATA

Go placidly amid the noise & waste, & remember what comfort
there may be in owning a piece thereof. Avoid quiet & passive
persons unless you are in need of sleep. Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself and heed well
their advise even though they be turkeys: know what to kiss and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold. Be comforted that
in the face of all aridity & disillusionment and despite the
changing fortunes of time, there is always a big fortune in
computer maintenance. Remember the Pueblo. Strive
at all times to bend, fold, spindle, & mutilate. Know your-
self; if you need help, call the FBI. Exercise caution in your
daily affairs, especially with those persons closest to you.
That lemon on your left, for instance. Be assured that a
walk through the ocean of most souls would scarcely get
your feet wet. Fall not in love therefore; it will stick to your
face. Gracefully surrender the things of youth, birds, clean
air, tuna, Taiwan; and let not the sands of time get in your
lunch. Hire people with hooks. For a good time, call
606-4311; ask for Ken. Take heart amid the deeping gloom
that your dog is finally getting enough cheese; and reflect that
whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse
in Milwaukee. You are a fluke of the universe; you have
no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the
universe is laughing behind your back. Therefore make
peace with your God whatever you conceive Him to be; Hairy
Thunderer or Cosmic Muffin. With all its hopes, dreams,
promises, & urban renewal, the world continues to deteriorate.
Give up.

BY TONY HENDRA
FOUND IN AN OLD NATIONAL LAMPOON; DATED 1972

teamrope
03-30-2004, 07:48 PM
A waist ia a terible thing to mind :D

hitchhiker
03-30-2004, 08:15 PM
Ah Huh. Ah Huh, Huh

He said bowels...

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: