dwasson
08-20-2006, 10:23 AM
From: Autoextremist.com
What if the "Ministers of Bark" got into the Happy Meal prize promotion game?
Austin, Texas. I had to laugh at the outrage expended by those dimwits in the Sierra Club over the joint GM-McDonald's promotion going on right now that gives away mini toy Hummers away with kids' Happy Meals. A subversive act on the part of GM? There's no doubt about it according to the "Ministers of Bark" residing in the Sierra Club. I mean, how could a kid possibly not be scarred for life at the mere thought of a mini-Hummer at their disposal? Won't that kid grow up to be a nightmare conglomerate of personal pollution - spending the rest of his or her life idling in the drive-through line at McDonald's, while sitting in their Hummers in 2021? At least that's the scenario the Sierra Club paints. But think if the Sierra Club came up with an "acceptable" list of potential promotions to pitch to McDonald's? Can't you just see it? Imagine, if you will, a meeting at McDonald's headquarters as the best brains of the Sierra Club make their pitch...
"McDonald's Monkeys." The Sierra Club would create mini-monkeys made out of virgin recycled paper and non-threatening food-color-based ink. These mini-monkeys would have little foldout explanations attached to their tales describing which monkey species is represented, etc., etc. (This promotion would end in a about a week, as kids everywhere would shun them like the plague because they look for all the world just like discarded recycled napkins).
"Bark Bites." These would be "natural" kids snacks made up of recycled wood paste and "naturally-occurring" chocolate flavor that would look like mini-pine cones and have the consistency of, well, pine cones. (These would be yanked out of stores in a half a day as mom's everywhere would have to rush their kids to emergency rooms across the country to pull the splinters out of their kids' mouths - sweet!).
"Happy Wheels." Cheerful, 'Toon-like mini-cars painted in dull, inoffensive hues of grays and browns with non-threatening, non-aggressive names such as "Ned," "Maya," "Blue" and "Sara" that would extol the benefits of a non-polluting existence. Before receiving their prize, each kid would have to go through an intensive 15-minute class on how to conduct their lives and what's "reasonable and expected" of them from now on. They would also get an extra Happy Wheel if they ratted out their parents for any wasteful behavior. (This promotion would blow-up in the first ten minutes as angry mothers and fathers start torching various McDonald's around the country - and asking questions later).
"Green Slither." A special Halloween promotion that would be made of a green, slimy gel-like substance made up of recycled leaves, tofu, lima beans and broccoli. The concoction would come in a recycled paper container with a 400-word essay on the dangers of Trick or Treating and perspectives on "Halloween and what it all means" printed on it. (McDonald's would file for Chapter 11 shortly afterwards).
Now, that's a meeting I would like to be a fly on the wall at.
The thing that amazes me about any radicalized special interest group, fringe or otherwise, is their stedfast refusal to acknowledge reality. The leaders of the Sierra Club are so lost in their own narrow perspectives that they can't fathom for the life of them why they are uniformly scorned and laughed at with every new pronouncement.
And that's not likely to change anytime soon.
Next up for GM and McDonald's? Hummer-shaped burger patties!!!
Adios until the next time.
What if the "Ministers of Bark" got into the Happy Meal prize promotion game?
Austin, Texas. I had to laugh at the outrage expended by those dimwits in the Sierra Club over the joint GM-McDonald's promotion going on right now that gives away mini toy Hummers away with kids' Happy Meals. A subversive act on the part of GM? There's no doubt about it according to the "Ministers of Bark" residing in the Sierra Club. I mean, how could a kid possibly not be scarred for life at the mere thought of a mini-Hummer at their disposal? Won't that kid grow up to be a nightmare conglomerate of personal pollution - spending the rest of his or her life idling in the drive-through line at McDonald's, while sitting in their Hummers in 2021? At least that's the scenario the Sierra Club paints. But think if the Sierra Club came up with an "acceptable" list of potential promotions to pitch to McDonald's? Can't you just see it? Imagine, if you will, a meeting at McDonald's headquarters as the best brains of the Sierra Club make their pitch...
"McDonald's Monkeys." The Sierra Club would create mini-monkeys made out of virgin recycled paper and non-threatening food-color-based ink. These mini-monkeys would have little foldout explanations attached to their tales describing which monkey species is represented, etc., etc. (This promotion would end in a about a week, as kids everywhere would shun them like the plague because they look for all the world just like discarded recycled napkins).
"Bark Bites." These would be "natural" kids snacks made up of recycled wood paste and "naturally-occurring" chocolate flavor that would look like mini-pine cones and have the consistency of, well, pine cones. (These would be yanked out of stores in a half a day as mom's everywhere would have to rush their kids to emergency rooms across the country to pull the splinters out of their kids' mouths - sweet!).
"Happy Wheels." Cheerful, 'Toon-like mini-cars painted in dull, inoffensive hues of grays and browns with non-threatening, non-aggressive names such as "Ned," "Maya," "Blue" and "Sara" that would extol the benefits of a non-polluting existence. Before receiving their prize, each kid would have to go through an intensive 15-minute class on how to conduct their lives and what's "reasonable and expected" of them from now on. They would also get an extra Happy Wheel if they ratted out their parents for any wasteful behavior. (This promotion would blow-up in the first ten minutes as angry mothers and fathers start torching various McDonald's around the country - and asking questions later).
"Green Slither." A special Halloween promotion that would be made of a green, slimy gel-like substance made up of recycled leaves, tofu, lima beans and broccoli. The concoction would come in a recycled paper container with a 400-word essay on the dangers of Trick or Treating and perspectives on "Halloween and what it all means" printed on it. (McDonald's would file for Chapter 11 shortly afterwards).
Now, that's a meeting I would like to be a fly on the wall at.
The thing that amazes me about any radicalized special interest group, fringe or otherwise, is their stedfast refusal to acknowledge reality. The leaders of the Sierra Club are so lost in their own narrow perspectives that they can't fathom for the life of them why they are uniformly scorned and laughed at with every new pronouncement.
And that's not likely to change anytime soon.
Next up for GM and McDonald's? Hummer-shaped burger patties!!!
Adios until the next time.