fastblackmerc
10-03-2006, 01:26 PM
:beer: ENJOY :beer:
ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19) Drinking style:
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to
call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to
closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get
mighty flirty after a couple of tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a
good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can
become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and
done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) Drinking style:
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is
a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who
spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers,
the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots
and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say
that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus
will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and
is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21) Drinking style:
Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard
to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and
allusion, then doing something unbelievable in an extremely advanced
state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the
magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very
tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different
cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow
drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22) Drinking style:
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine
with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't
it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs
must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood
style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better
than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine
with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do.
The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you
served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22) Drinking style:
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their
commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware
they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their
limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
one who brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when
drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish
(and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Drinking style:
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order
onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to
drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to
drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand
loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do!
Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast
lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy
(and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23) Drinking style:
"I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's justthat
I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle
and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with
Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side
(they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a
room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in
self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including
wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with
their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely.
Oops!
SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21) Drinking style:
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll
smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're
hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink,
and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the
sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool
though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration.
But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything,
especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Drinking style:
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink
with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect
from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna
Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room,
then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a
nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure
to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping;
spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Drinking style:
Capricorn is usually described as practical,steadfast,
money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the
astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie
and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to
quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or
totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to
loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up
with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Drinking style:
Aquarius and drinking don 't go together that well(except for water,
that is). They have an innate tendency towardknow-it-allism, and if
they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a
stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however,
they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they
make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually
capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if
you can get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is
fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations
with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Drinking style:
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt
Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy,
out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a
mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or
in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase
"addictive personality" can be read two ways you know.
ARIES (Mar 21- Apr 19) Drinking style:
Impulsive Aries people like to party and sometimes don't know when to
call it a night. Their competitive streak makes them prone to
closing-time shot contests. They're sloppy, fun drunks, and they get
mighty flirty after a couple of tipples. Getting Aries people drunk is a
good way to get what you want out of them, should other methods fail. Aries can
become bellicose when blotto, but they will assume that whatever
happened should be forgiven (if not forgotten) by sunrise. They can be
counted on to do the same for you -- so long as you haven't gone and
done anything really horrible to them last night, you sneaky Gemini.
TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) Drinking style:
Taurus prefers to drink at a leisurely pace, aiming for a mellow glow
rather than a full-on zonk. Since a truly intoxicated Taurus is
a one-person stampede, the kind of bull-in-a-china-shop inebriate who
spills red wine on white carpets and tells fart jokes to employers,
the preference for wining and dining (or Bud and buddies) to body shots
and barfing is quite fortunate for the rest of us. This is not to say
that the Bull is by any means a teetotaler -- god, no. A squiffy Taurus
will get, er, gregarious (full of loudmouth soup, some would say) and
is extremely amusing to drag to a karaoke bar when intoxicated.
GEMINI (May 21 - Jun 21) Drinking style:
Gemini's can drink without changing their behavior much-- they're so
naturally chatty and short-attention-spanned that it's just hard
to tell sometimes. They can amaze you by conversing with finesse and
allusion, then doing something unbelievable in an extremely advanced
state of intoxication, like puking in your shoe. Gemini's possess the
magic ability to flirt successfully (and uninfuriatingly, which is very
tricky) with several people at once. They like to order different
cocktails every round -- repetition is boring -- and may create a theme (like yellow
drinks: beer, sauvignon blanc and limoncello) for their own amusement.
CANCER (Jun 22 - Jul 22) Drinking style:
Cancer is a comfort drinker -- and an extra wine
with dinner or an after-work beer or six can be extra comforting, can't
it, Cancer darling? Like fellow water signs Scorpio and Pisces, Crabs
must guard against lushery. Cancers are brilliant at ferreting out secret
parties and insinuating themselves on VIP lists -- and, in true Hollywood
style, Cancers are never really drunk; instead, they get "tired and
emotional" (read: weepy when lubricated). But there's nothing better
than swapping stories (and spit) over a few bottles of inky red wine
with your favorite Cancer. Even your second-favorite Cancer will do.
The sign also rules the flavor vanilla, and you'd be adored if you
served up a vanilla vodka and soda.
LEO (Jul 23 - Aug 22) Drinking style:
Leo likes to drink and dance -- they're often
fabulous dancers, and usually pretty good drinkers as well, losing their
commanding dignity and turning kittenish. Of course, they're quite aware
they're darling - Leos will be Leos, after all. They generally know their
limit, probably because they loathe losing self-control. When they get
over-refreshed, expect flirting to ensue -- and perhaps not with the
one who brought them. But Leo's not the type to break rules even when
drunk, so just try to ignore it (try harder, Cancer) and expect a sheepish
(and hung over) Lion to make it up to you the next day.
VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Drinking style:
Cerebral Virgos are compelled to impose order
onto their bender. Their famously fussy quest for purity could lead to
drinking less than other signs, sure -- but it could also lead to
drinking booze neat, to sucking down organic wine or just to brand
loyalty. They rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when they do!
Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast
lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy
(and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend
used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of
intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!
LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23) Drinking style:
"I'm just a social drinker," slurs Libra, "it's justthat
I'm so damn social." Libra loves nothing more than to party, mingle
and relate to everyone. Whether dipped in favor of Good Libra (with
Insta-Friend device set to "on") or heavier on the Evil Libra side
(they are little instigators when bored), the Scales can really work a
room. Charming as they are, Libras are notoriously lacking in
self-control, however, which can get them into all sorts of trouble -- including
wearing their wobbly boots waaaay too early in the evening, flirting with
their best friend's beau or even blacking out the night's events entirely.
Oops!
SCORPIO (Oct 24 - Nov 21) Drinking style:
Don't ever tell Scorpios they've had enough, for they'll
smirk at you and quietly but intentionally keep tippling till they're
hog-whimpering drunk, out of 100-proof spite. Scorpios like to drink,
and screw you if you have a problem with that. Most of them see the
sauce as something to savor in itself, and not as a personality-altering tool
though if depressed, self-loathing Scorps seek total obliteration.
But generally, they're fascinating drinking pals, brilliant
conversationalists and dizzying flirts. They also remember everything,
especially what you did when you were blitzed. Only drink with a Scorpio who likes you.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21) Drinking style:
In vino veritas -- and, for Sagittarius, in booze
blurtiness: When buttered, they'll spill all your secrets and many of
their own. Tactlessness aside, Sagittarius is just plain fun to drink
with. This is a sign of serious partying (what else would you expect
from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna
Nicole Smith?). They're the people who chat up everyone in the room,
then persuade the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a
nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun. Good-natured hi-jinks are sure
to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping;
spontaneous Sag is a brilliant booty call).
CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19) Drinking style:
Capricorn is usually described as practical,steadfast,
money-hungry and status-thirsty -- no wonder they get left off the
astrological cocktail-party list. But this is the sign of David Bowie
and Annie Lennox, not to mention Elvis. Capricorn is the true rock star:
independent, powerful and seriously charismatic, not too eager to
please. And if they make money being themselves, who are you to
quibble? But just like most rock stars, they're either totally on or
totally off, and they generally need a little social lubricant to
loosen up and enjoy the after party, especially if they can hook up
with a cute groupie.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Drinking style:
Aquarius and drinking don 't go together that well(except for water,
that is). They have an innate tendency towardknow-it-allism, and if
they get an idea while sizzled, they're more stubborn than a stain or a
stone. If they're throwing a party or organizing an outing, however,
they're too preoccupied with their duties to get combative and they
make perfectly charming drunks in that case. Fortunately, they're usually
capital drink-nursers. They also make the best designated drivers (if
you can get them before they start raising their wrist) Aquarius is
fascinated by drunk people and capable of holding interesting conversations
with soused strangers while sober.
PISCES (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Drinking style:
If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign
and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt
Cobain. Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy,
out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but they build up a
mighty tolerance fast. Who needs an expensive date like that? On the other
hand, they're fabulously enchanting partners, whether in conversation or
in crime. With the right Pisces, you can start out sharing a pitcher of
margaritas and wind up in bed together for days. The phrase
"addictive personality" can be read two ways you know.