AstroVic
11-26-2006, 02:43 PM
Narcotics units
- Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
- Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
- Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
- Make every case involve overtime. ($$$)
- Buy lots of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
- Learn to play golf drunk.
SWAT units
- Wear UnderArmor t-shirts, Oakley sunglasses, and police boots everyday.
- Try to fit the word "breach" into every conversation.
- Have a mirror handy to check hair (if you have hair).
- Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just issue your "SWAT head nod" in response.
- Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness magazines.
- Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
Community Service units
- Hate SWAT.
- Work to make everybody love you.
- Paint your office in pastel colors.
- Think: Feng Shui.
- Subscribe to Psychology Today magazine.
- Learn to play miniature golf.
Traffic units
- Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
- Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing your boots.
- Annoy everyone on the radio by calling out each of your traffic stops.
- Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day and how you'd gladly write your mother a ticket if given the chance.
- Ride by buildings with big windows to see your reflection.
- Golf is lame, motorcycle rodeos are cool.
Administrative Units
- Three-hour lunches everyday. Tell everybody it's a "meeting".
- Upgrade department cell phone every month.
- Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
- Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
- Golf Rules! Play lots of golf. Take lessons. Start tracking your handicap & work to improve it.
Patrol Units
- Has nerves of steel.
- In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
- Inability to keep mouth shut.
- Has defining tastes in alcohol.
- Is respected by peers.
- Gets drunk on the golf course and beats the crap out of his smartass caddy at the 19th hole bar after knocking back a few more drinks.
Investigators
- Come in at 0800 hours.
- "Breakfast" from 0815 to 1030 hours.
- Work from 1030 hours to Noon. From noon to 1400 hours, work out and lunch.
- 1400-1700 hours, sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn't know.
- Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.
Patrol Sergeant
- Remembers very well "how we used to do it."
- Always willing to tell his officers the above.
- Tries to fit the word "liability" into every sentence.
- Talks about "what he's hearing from upstairs."
Trainee
- Unable to grow facial hair.
- Watches every episode of COPS.
- Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
- Arrives for work three hours early. Wants no overtime pay. Just does it for the love of what he's doing.
- Thinks the sergeant is thrilled to see him.
- Won't drink on the golf course because it violates the city's open container ordinance.
FEDS
- Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven with a short almost military style haircut).
- Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
- Arrive at work at 8AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments. Then go with another agent to Starbucks "to discuss your a new case."
- After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT,SWAT, etc., to "properly utilize your superior tactical skills."
- After doing your first buy-bust, immediately begin asking the boss about "long term undercover" jobs.
- Refuse to play golf with "the locals."
- Immediately grow facial hair, tell everybody you were ordered to.
- Start watching every episode of Monster Garage.
- Buy a biker wallet with a big chain.
- Make every case involve overtime. ($$$)
- Buy lots of boats, RV's, and motorcycles with that overtime.
- Learn to play golf drunk.
SWAT units
- Wear UnderArmor t-shirts, Oakley sunglasses, and police boots everyday.
- Try to fit the word "breach" into every conversation.
- Have a mirror handy to check hair (if you have hair).
- Never say hello to anyone who is not an operator, just issue your "SWAT head nod" in response.
- Subscribe to Soldier of Fortune and Muscle and Fitness magazines.
- Learn to play golf wearing a gun.
Community Service units
- Hate SWAT.
- Work to make everybody love you.
- Paint your office in pastel colors.
- Think: Feng Shui.
- Subscribe to Psychology Today magazine.
- Learn to play miniature golf.
Traffic units
- Write tickets to EVERYBODY.
- Spend every weekend cleaning your bike and polishing your boots.
- Annoy everyone on the radio by calling out each of your traffic stops.
- Talk about nothing but how many tickets you wrote in one day and how you'd gladly write your mother a ticket if given the chance.
- Ride by buildings with big windows to see your reflection.
- Golf is lame, motorcycle rodeos are cool.
Administrative Units
- Three-hour lunches everyday. Tell everybody it's a "meeting".
- Upgrade department cell phone every month.
- Tell everybody you are published in a national law enforcement magazine.
- Update your revenge list on a weekly basis.
- Golf Rules! Play lots of golf. Take lessons. Start tracking your handicap & work to improve it.
Patrol Units
- Has nerves of steel.
- In a terminal state of nausea from department politics.
- Inability to keep mouth shut.
- Has defining tastes in alcohol.
- Is respected by peers.
- Gets drunk on the golf course and beats the crap out of his smartass caddy at the 19th hole bar after knocking back a few more drinks.
Investigators
- Come in at 0800 hours.
- "Breakfast" from 0815 to 1030 hours.
- Work from 1030 hours to Noon. From noon to 1400 hours, work out and lunch.
- 1400-1700 hours, sit in CID and talk about how many girlfriends you have and how the wife doesn't know.
- Plan your next RV, fishing, motorcycle trip.
Patrol Sergeant
- Remembers very well "how we used to do it."
- Always willing to tell his officers the above.
- Tries to fit the word "liability" into every sentence.
- Talks about "what he's hearing from upstairs."
Trainee
- Unable to grow facial hair.
- Watches every episode of COPS.
- Worships the ground the SWAT guys walk on.
- Arrives for work three hours early. Wants no overtime pay. Just does it for the love of what he's doing.
- Thinks the sergeant is thrilled to see him.
- Won't drink on the golf course because it violates the city's open container ordinance.
FEDS
- Shave head, and grow goatee (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you are clean shaven with a short almost military style haircut).
- Wear 5.11 pants, and polo with agency logo (unless you want to be a management weenie, then make sure you always have a shirt and pants to which a jacket and tie can be quickly added for when the boss might be around).
- Arrive at work at 8AM, spend one hour answering useless emails, and 30 minutes checking your retirement investments. Then go with another agent to Starbucks "to discuss your a new case."
- After participating in your first warrant service (as outside cover) make plans to join the agency SRT,SWAT, etc., to "properly utilize your superior tactical skills."
- After doing your first buy-bust, immediately begin asking the boss about "long term undercover" jobs.
- Refuse to play golf with "the locals."