Couples w/big age differences. Whatcha think?

[BillyGman]

I know of someone who is middle aged, and dating a 20 year old woman who he claims to be in Love with. There's a whopping 25 years difference in age! The young lady's parents are very concerned, but from what he says, the young lady is also nuts about him, and she's sick and tired of being lied to by younger guys, just so they can get in her pants. However, FWIW, I do know the guy pretty well, and his track record with women has shown that he isn't a sleeze ball nor a player who manipulates women just to get in their pants from what I know of him. He isn't married, nor does he have kids either. I work with the girl's Mom, and it's a touchy situation for this couple, as well as for the parents too.

From what I was told, the Girl left a much younger guy who also works in the same place as the older guy does, and who makes about the same amount of money as the older guy does too.So apparently this wasn't about gold digging for the young lady.

What are your viewpoints, and/or experiences with couples that have a big age difference between them? I have my doubts about this couple, however, I must also admit, that from what I've heard of other countries, there are certain cultures that do not look down on this type of thing like we do here in America. What do ya think?
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[2003 MIB]

Woody Allen seems happy.

[Blackened300a]

How much money you have determines how big the age gap between you and your woman is.

Unless the chick is very young, then she just dont know any better.

[BillyGman]

But don't you guys think that it's usually going to be a whole different story with older movie stars being with young women since there's always big money invloved? I mean, neither the younger guy nor the older guy in this situation even makes six figures from what I know. They're both of average income levels. I'm just wondering if your analogy is an oversimplification, or perhaps one that doesn't apply to this specific circumstance. Yes? No?

[Blackened300a]

I'm just wondering if your analogy is an oversimplification, or perhaps one that doesn't apply to this specific circumstance. Yes? No?

From what I have seen with older guys with the younger girls, Usually the girl has a issue where her Father wasnt around for her and she needs someone like a father figure in her life.
On the other end, The older guy always wants that younger trophy wife on his arm and they dont come cheap.

[JVJ]

:gunfire: :uzi: I'm watching my "little angel" closely.:uzi::gunfire:

[BillyGman]

:gunfire: :uzi: I'm watching my "little angel" closely.:uzi::gunfire:Good point. So what if your daughter meets a middle aged guy that she becomes nuts about, but the guy is one real respectable and unusually sincere person that you don't find too often? And then when trying to talk some sense into her, she told you that she is tired of immature guys who she's met, who have jealous fits over nothing, and who always want to party and get stoned and who she cannot trust. And she explains to you that this middle aged guy is completely different than that, and even shows her respect and patience when there are disagreements between the two of them?

Then what would you say to her?

[Bigdogjim]

Age is only a number:)

[MERCMAN]

Yeah, and speed-limit is just a number as well. That dog won't hunt with a LEO with radar. :rofl:

[JVJ]

Good point. So what if your daughter meets a middle aged guy that she becomes nuts about, but the guy is one real respectable and unusually sincere person that you don't find too often? And then when trying to talk some sense into her, she told you that she is tired of immature guys who she's met, who have jealous fits over nothing, and who always want to party and get stoned and who she cannot trust. And she explains to you that this middle aged guy is completely different than that, and even shows her respect and patience when there are disagreements between the two of them?

Then what would you say to her? Well, all good and said. I guess, If only our "little angels" can find someone equal to us or even the same. Then that will be great. But every individual is different in many ways. Remember, it takes "TWO" to tango. All we can do is to give them guidance and advice. And wish for the best. There's really not much eles we parents can do. Once they reach they're adult age. I guess they can take it from there.

[MercModifier]

BillyG, this is always a touchy subject.
Unless their relationship concerns your well-being, be happy for them.
I know when Im older I wont mind a young hottie.

[BillyGman]

yeah, I hear what you guys are saying. It's just that I've known the girl's Mom for so long, and I work with her, and she might be on the verge of a kiniption with all of this, so I felt bad about hearing it. Sometimes I'm glad that I don't have daughters. :D

[Blackened300a]

That girl needs to be spoken to as well as the guy. 20yrs old is still a kid and someone that much older should know better then to date someone that young.

On the positive note, its probably a phase and she'll quickly grow out of it. Im surprised her friends havent talked her out of it, or told her how odd it is.

[Power Surge]

I've been involved in age gap relationships, although not a gap that large, after all I'm only 34 now. I don't really take age into consideration when love is involved. There is no reason that a 20 year old woman can't love a 40 year old man and vica versa. There definitely are outside factors that can make that kind of relationship more appealing to each side, but the fact is that for the relationship to work, the two people still must have feelings for each other.

The only thing I can see negative about a relationship with that kind of age gap, is kids. If the woman decides to have a kid at 30, and her spouse is 25 years older (55 at the time), that means he'll be 73 years old when the kid graduates high school. They definitely will not have a typical father-son/daughter relationship.

For the parents of the 20 year old girl, this can be either bad or good. On one hand, a guy 25 years older could actually be OLDER than the parents. That would definitely make them feel uncomfortable. On the other hand, a man that old would most likely show much more maturity, and that could make the parents feel MORE comfortable knowing that their daughter is in the hands of a respectable, stable guy.

I can tell you this... when I was 20, I dated a girl who was 14, soon turning 15 (before you moral activists come after me, she was far from innocent, and SHE actually persued me for the relationship). We were both very much in love and it was a great relationship. Her parents LOVED me to death. They liked me so much, that they lifted all curfews and rules for her when she was with me, the only one being she had to come home at some point in the night, she could not stay out overnight.

The other thing to consider, is that kids nowadays are NOTHING like when we were kids. Girls are growing up much faster than we remember, maturing mentally and thinking about love and serious relationships by 15-16 years old. They are having sex as early as 11-12 years old. I know this for a fact, because I am an administrator on an Amine website that has a large teenage member base, and a lot of them come to me for advice on things like this. By 20 years old, a girl in today's world most likely could have been through several bad relationships with guys her own age, and looking to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Feel free to use what I've written to help in any way.

[DefyantExWife]

Age is only a number:)


I agree , for the most part.

How did they meet? Was it a ... strip joint? or was it at Barnes and Noble ? I dont know.... you have to wonder why a 45 yr old man would mesh with a 20 yr old female asides from young firm bewbage etc.

Age is only a number ... for the most part, as long as we are not talking about children. To me, 20 is basically a child. I would be cautious too. If she were 25 and he were 50, I would be less ... questioning.

[Leadfoot281]

These things generally sort themselves out.

My friend was in almost identical situation a few years ago. He was 42 and she was 22. They'd go to a restaraunt and the waitress would say something like; "How sweet! Bringing your father to lunch today?" or "This must be your daughter?"

It bothered both of them enough to call it quits.

[teamrope]

I know of someone who is middle aged, and dating a 20 year old woman who he claims to be in Love with. There's a whopping 25 years difference in age! The young lady's parents are very concerned, but from what he says, the young lady is also nuts about him, and she's sick and tired of being lied to by younger guys, just so they can get in her pants. However, FWIW, I do know the guy pretty well, and his track record with women has shown that he isn't a sleeze ball nor a player who manipulates women just to get in their pants from what I know of him. He isn't married, nor does he have kids either. I work with the girl's Mom, and it's a touchy situation for this couple, as well as for the parents too.

From what I was told, the Girl left a much younger guy who also works in the same place as the older guy does, and who makes about the same amount of money as the older guy does too.So apparently this wasn't about gold digging for the young lady.

What are your viewpoints, and/or experiences with couples that have a big age difference between them? I have my doubts about this couple, however, I must also admit, that from what I've heard of other countries, there are certain cultures that do not look down on this type of thing like we do here in America. What do ya think?
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Based on the info you have provided I can feel for your friend. A lot of obvious points have already been made so I won't rehash them.

Unfortunately no matter what your friend thinks or tries to do, her daughter is at the age she is more than likely going to do whatever she darn well pleases. As parents the only smart thing to do is tell her that they will support her in her decision, but point out that they think she is making a big mistake.

[BillyGman]

That girl needs to be spoken to as well as the guy. 20yrs old is still a kid and someone that much older should know better then to date someone that young.

On the positive note, its probably a phase and she'll quickly grow out of it. Im surprised her friends havent talked her out of it, or told her how odd it is.That's just it, her girlfriends have talked to the guy over the phone, and they're also so impressed by him, that they want to meet him. The older guy, and the 20 year old woman met in the workplace. He isn't a drunkard that took advantasge of her when she was drunk nor anything like that from what I'm hearing.

[quota]

My partner is 30. I am nearly 49.

I do not see an issue with having children. At least, it does not harm our relationship (so far). At the contrary, it gave me some "kick". Our daughter is 18 months old. I came back to the work with a determination that never existed before. Multiple reasons. Among others, I do not want to be a "charge" when she will be 20. Also, I will do all what I can for being capable of providing her with any support, if any needed.

The true problem that we are facing is not about the child. It is about the "gap" of generations. If not "killing", the "gap" often bothers. Cannot fill it. Education, circumstances, way of living and of thinking...all that dramatically changed in 20 years. Sometimes this leads to total misunderstanding and spoils any communication. If I add that my partner is Russian (living her youth in the middle of the Union's collapse), that her father left when she was very young, then the difficulties resulting from the "gap" are probably multiplied by 2 or 3.

JP

[Ken]

Does or did this 45 yr old gentleman own a Marauder? :burnout: :lol:

It may work out for a while, but as a wise man once said "The things that seem so cute and attracted you to her at first, becomes the very thing that annoys you later on, when the newness of the relationship wears off." She's gotta ask herself, "Can I live with someone of my parents age and adjust my lifestyle to their generation?" Our ways of thinking and doing, etc are different than our parents and I'm sure that ours are just as different to our kids generation. What happens when she wants kids? Does he have any kids? or grandkids? A young chippie on your arm is great for the ego, but when the everyday reality sets in; That's the real test. Until then, enjoy the moment, but beware of the future! More power to him!

Does she have an older sister? How about her Mom, is she cute? (Never hurts to ask!):D

Ken

[BillyGman]

Does or did this 45 yr old gentleman own a Marauder? :burnout: :lol:

It may work out for a while, but as a wise man once said "The things that seem so cute and attracted you to her at first, becomes the very thing that annoys you later on, when the newness of the relationship wears off." She's gotta ask herself, "Can I live with someone of my parents age and adjust my lifestyle to their generation?" Our ways of thinking and doing, etc are different than our parents and I'm sure that ours are just as different to our kids generation. What happens when she wants kids? Does he have any kids? or grandkids? A young chippie on your arm is great for the ego, but when the everyday reality sets in; That's the real test. Until then, enjoy the moment, but beware of the future! More power to him!

Does she have an older sister? How about her Mom, is she cute? (Never hurts to ask!):D

KenNow wait a minute.....all is I said was that I can truly relate to this situation, since I myself had dated a woman who was ten years younger than and I, and that I too am single. I think that guys who have been married since they were in their 20's probably cannoit relate to this situation, whereas I can. However, I didn't say that I'm dating a 20 year old myself.

But at the same time, I cannot be quick to condemn the guy for it either. I've know the girl's mother for 26 years from working with her.

[Ken]

Now wait a minute.....all is I said was that I can truly relate to this situation, since I myself had dated a woman who was ten years younger than and I, and that I too am single. I think that guys who have been married since they were in their 20's probably cannoit relate to this situation, whereas I can. However, I didn't say that I'm dating a 20 year old myself. Just wonderin'?:D , not condemin':beer:

Ken

[pantheroc]

That's just it, her girlfriends have talked to the guy over the phone, and they're also so impressed by him, that they want to meet him.

This can be where trouble starts.?. Her friends can start trouble.

[Smokie]

This is very simple, yes they can love each other for real, yes they can be married and be happy. When she is 45 and in her prime and he is 70, you know exactly what is going to happen...if he has no problem with that...let the wedding bells ring.

[jgc61sr2002]

[QUOTE=Blackened300a;471076]How much money you have determines how big the age gap between you and your woman is.


Paul - I tend to agree.

[sailsmen]

I have seen what Powersurge said happen several times. The guy has gown kids or none, but either way does not want any.

When the girl is young she does not want kids either. But the bio clock sets in and she changes her mind.

I have seen on several occasions seen the absolute worse come out in the girl. Kinda stuff I would not post hear.

Either they both agree to have kids upfront or they both become sterilized.

[Marauderjack]

Women are from Venus......Men are from Mars......NO matter what the age difference!!!:eek: ;)

[magindat]

The only issue I see in such a 'gapped' relation ship is that the younger will end up 'taking care' of the older at a fairly young age to the younger. The will be illnesses and oldness that naturally occur as age creeps up. So in this case she at say 40ish to 50ish will be 'nursing' him quite a bit. If they think they can survive this disparity, they could survive any other.

[Pat]

It depends on which one has the Marauder.

[Bluerauder]

I know of someone who is middle aged, and dating a 20 year old woman who he claims to be in Love with. There's a whopping 25 years difference in age!
The relationship might work. However, I think the odds are against it. Pretty long odds at that.

My father always used to tell my mother that he was gonna trade her in on two 20-year olds. She would then remind him that "He wasn't wired for 2-20". I am not saying that it can't work. Just seems that it is not normal nor natural. JMHO. Your friend should make sure that he's wired for 120-220. :rolleyes:

[magindat]

When the girl is young she does not want kids either. But the bio clock sets in and she changes her mind.

Hence the demise of my last marriage....

[ParkRanger]

Relationships cannot be analyzed or explained. It belongs in the mystical arena and only known to the two involved. There is no right or wrong - it just happens. Hell, 75% of the couples I have ever known never made any sense to me, including mine. :confused:

PR :burnout: