My kid is in the hospital car wreck

[Pops]

Sorry guys I need a place to vent. I do not have any details yet other than my son was involved in a single car wreck and is in the hospital. When they picked him up he was in a comma but he has come out of that. Alcohol was a factor and kids just do not listen! It sounds like he is pretty beat up but hope fully he has no broken bones. I will see him later today and need some support as I have been afraid of this for quite some time. Thanks for listening to me.

[Breadfan]

Wow, I hope everything turns out OK, will keep your son in my prayers, best of luck let us know if you need anything.

[magindat]

John,
I feel for ya. It sounds like you've had concern over this for some time. It may sound harsh, but I think it's tough love time. Be there for your son's injuries and rehab, but DON"T BAIL HIM OUT of any circumstances he has created for himself. Sometimes they have to learn the 'hard way' and if you soften the consequences, they don't learn.
I'm glad to hear he's not in serious trouble injury-wise.
All the best, my friend.
Rich

[MarauderTJA]

John, sorry to hear about your son. Hope he is OK. Be tough on him. Drinking and driving is serious today.

[Bluerauder]

... my son was involved in a single car wreck and is in the hospital. When they picked him up he was in a comma but he has come out of that.
Glad to hear that he seems to be coming around OK. Hope there are no complications and that no one else was injured in the accident.

Probably best to resist the urge to "beat up on him". He probably already knows that he screwed up BIG TIME. He needs your support now to get him healed and out of the hospital. This could have turned out to be much worse. After all the initial "feelings" tone down a little, you can let him know that the Rules Have Changed.

[Zack]

Hope everything, including your son, turns out ok.

[FrankJAG]

Hang tough bro, I am sure things will work out.

[Haggis]

That is awful news John, hope your son is not to seriously hurt.

[KillJoy]

OMG! John, glad things are not worse!!!

Tough Love, Soft Love...whatever....be his Dad ;)

Call me iffen ya want to....

KillJoy

[Todd]

Sorry to hear that John.

Kids do make mistakes. I can attest to that as I made WAY more than my fair share.

All you can hope for is that this was the wake up call he needed. Sometimes it takes something very serious to flip that switch in their head.... Thank God he wasn't killed. You didnt elaborate but I hope no one else was hurt or worse.


Hang in there.



PS As someone said above, sometimes it is best not to bail kids out of all problems. When they have to work for the resolution the lesson seems to be more significant. Ask me how I know!!!!!

[Raudermaster]

What is with all the car wrecks lately? My friend here at work just got into a bad one Saturday night while we were all at work in his WS6, my poor 79 year old Aunt got into an accident with her Focus (not her fault) and now this? I hope all turns out ok John.

[SC Cheesehead]

John,

Been there, done that myself. E-Dubb got in a wreck 4 days after he got his driver's license, totaled my 8 month old '98 Taurus SES. No drinking involved, but he was obviously screwing around and driving wayyyyy too fast for conditions. Fortunately, neither he or his passenger were seriously hurt, but only by the grace of God.

We didn't go off the deep end with discipline, but the rules definitely changed, and we used some of the funds he'd been saving for his own car to pay for a rental vehicle until we got the Taurus replaced. He was still in school at the time, but was working part time to save up for his first car. That ended up getting put on hold for a while as we also had him pay the insurance surcharge for the next year out of his earnings.

It was a bad deal when it happened, but looking back at it, things turned out okay. It was a "maturing" experience for E-Dubb, and to this day he NEVER drives anywhere without wearing a seatbelt, and he doesn't mess around on the highway with his cars. (Now, get him on a dragstrip, that's another story!)

Anyway, I can relate. Hang in there, cars can be replaced; kids can't. We'll keep you guys in our prayers, and keep us posted.

SCCH

[Bigdogjim]

Prayers and well wishes sent.
I sure when the time comes you will find the right words to say. My Dad always did. Kinda a of a "Dad" thing.
I hope you open a line of communication with your son and he sees the error of his ways.

[RoyLPita]

I hope that he gets better but do not bail him out.

[rvaldez1]

Good Luck with everything John! Im sure he has learned his lesson. I doubt any bones are broken because alcohol usually relaxes the body too much to be hurt.

[RCSignals]

I hope you both come through this well.

[ckadiddle]

Sorry to hear about this, John. Prayers coming your way. I am with the "don't bail him out" crowd. If nothing else he will see that DUI is very costly financially. This may be a turning point for him.

[Mike Poore]

John, like all of your friends, we are praying for you and your family. You didn't say, but we assume and hope there were not others injured. The tough part is being dad, and unfortunately our children didn't come out of the womb with a set of instructions. I believe, seeking professional help, from many sources, AA included, or talking to someone who can send you in the right direction for help and advice, may be a good first step.

[ParkRanger]

I'm sorry to hear this John. Stay strong, everything's going to be alright.

PR

[MM2004]

John,

Prayers are on their way for your Son and your family.

Just be a Dad, and am confident you will handle this in a mature way.

Mike

[Mike]

Yes John, good luck and I hope all turns out for the better. One hell of a lesson but hopefully lessoned learned.

[MENINBLK]

Hi John,

Sorry to hear of your son's misfortune.

When the dust settles, just do what you feel is right and just.
Make sure you let him talk and get off his chest what ever is on his mind.
You also make sure you communicate to him just how you feel
without leaving anything out or softening it up.
Communication is the most IMPORTANT part of any Father / Son relationship.

If he didn't understand that before, I'm sure he will understand it now.
After all, he is still here because someone watched over him
at a time when he needed it most.
At the next incident, it may not fall the same way.

My son is only 10.
I pray every day that he or another kid don't get into each other 's business.
Today kids take things upon themselves in ways that they don't fully understand,
and they are not even thinking of the consequences for their actions.

I'll spread a little of my prayers around for your family.
When the time comes, you'll know how to handle it.

[Blackened300a]

Sorry to hear about this, Hope he pulls through and a lesson was learned.

[sailsmen]

Good luck.

[chicago_cop]

Sorry guys I need a place to vent. I do not have any details yet other than my son was involved in a single car wreck and is in the hospital. When they picked him up he was in a comma but he has come out of that. Alcohol was a factor and kids just do not listen! It sounds like he is pretty beat up but hope fully he has no broken bones. I will see him later today and need some support as I have been afraid of this for quite some time. Thanks for listening to me.

Not just your son, but most people have to learn the hard way. Just be thankfull that he will have another chanch. Gods Mercy. We will absolutely keep him and you in our prayers. Ed

[Local Boy]

Hey John, Sorry to hear about your son. My prayers are with him and your family. Hoping for a full recovery.
Take care of yourself and everyone else

[fastblackmerc]

Hope he gets well soon and learns from this. I too am of the "don't bail him out of this" opinion. It's hard not to do but that's how they learn and appreciate what we try to tell them.

[dwasson]

Good Luck with everything John! Im sure he has learned his lesson. I doubt any bones are broken because alcohol usually relaxes the body too much to be hurt.

My Grandmother used to say, "God protects drunks and children." So it sounds like you may have a two-fer. I can't tell you what to do about your son. I figure that anything that you might try would work on some kid somewhere. There's an ass for every seat.

Good luck.

[2003 MIB]

Adult child or minor child?

[1stMerc]

John,
sorry to hear this. Lessons sometimes come hard, but they do come. I'm sure we all at one point thought those old folks don't know what they're talking about. We lived long enough and maturity kicked in and we sometimes wonder how in the world we made it to today. (i know i have)

Hopfully he learned/found you weren't just talking out the side of your neck and were truly concerned for his well fair. Only you know how many times you've had to bail him out, so use that as your guide and be ready to listen and stick by his side. You will get through this

You have my prayers and well wishes for a speedy recovery.

Waymon

[Hotrauder]

John, Penny and I wish you and your son the best. We pray that he recovers completely and this turns out to be a very important learning experience. The best my friend. Dennis

[jgc61sr2002]

John - Sorry about your son. Glad to see his condition is improving.

[Dragcity]

John, Gods Speed for you and yours.

[Leadfoot281]

I've certainly made mistakes in the past too. Those mistakes became learning experiances for me and helped put me back on the right track. Hopefully this will have the same effect on your son.

[Ken]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in this time of need. Hope that everything works out.

Ken

[Bradley G]

Thanks for sharing your story, My under age niece was recently caught drinking, on an overnight group with school.
I used the incident, to warn my children, how poor choices, can sometimes change your life forever.
No one would have thought this of her, she is product of peer pressure.


I hope he recovers quickly, from his injuries.
I hope the seriousness, sinks in to him, sooner than later.

[jawz101]

My prayers are with you and your family

[DEFYANT]

Jeez!!

Hang in there. All the best to you and your son.

[Kennyrauder]

Kennyrauder sayswe all did it some time or another. Times were different .. the only thing I really can remember was that my parents refused a bailout & I was responsible for any damage. My Dad warned me right from the start.. any trouble & the car stays parked. Great incentive to stay out of trouble.

[teamrope]

I'm sorry for you and your family to have to go through this. Someone was looking out for him. I hope he heals up and and learns his lesson from it.

My little brother went out that way 25 years ago. He would have survived if he had worn his seatbelt.

[snowbird]

At the end of our teens, most of us think we're indestructable. After a bad one like that, I would say 95% hear the message loud and clear for the rest of our life that it is not the case.

With some quality talk, your chance are excellent to keep your son in that "95%".

[MADRODER]

Sorry to hear about your son John........our prayers are with you.


When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters—one represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.
John F. Kennedy

[JMan]

Wow! Parenthood can really bite. Best wishes for a complete recovery both physically and mentally. Sometimes it takes an event of this proportion to open kids eyes.

Good luck,

J

[SID210SA]

I am sorry to here that and our prayers go out to you and your family.

Make it a sobering experience....if you can take a photo of the aftermath, him in the hospital bed and the car and make him carry it in his billfold. It should make him think twice....

[Pops]

Thanks for all the support! He is out of the hospital and should be fine. He looks like someone beat him pretty hard and his left eye and that side of his face are bruised really bad. It looks like he glanced off a tree and rolled the car over. He was very lucky as I saw the tree he glanced off of.
Robert does admit to the problem but remorse is something that does not always last. He is 21 years old and a senior in collage. I hope that he takes the first step and seeks help as he has agreed to do this, but only time will tell. WE will not know what the law is going to do for at least a week so the suspense continues. This may not be a bad thing as it forces him to worry about it. Its his friends that bother the most as I am afraid that they will push him back the other way. I will post as this goes on. There are lessons here for everyone including myself. Thanks again to everyone and you did help me to keep a cooler head than I would have had.

[magindat]

Thanx for the update, John. I'm glad he's OK. Hopefully the consequences will be strong enough to make an impression, but light enough not to be completely financially crippling.

As stated above, the pictures of himself and the vehicle should be posted conspicuously in a place he frequents. A reminder of wht could have been ay be the most lasting impression.

John, I do hope it works out.

Good Luck and 'God Speed'.

[LordVader]

John,

Glad to hear your son is okay and doing better. It will take time to see if he really learned something from this experience. You both are in our prayers.

[chapel1]

John
Gail and I send are best wishes and hope for a fast recovery. Everyday is a new day and should be view as a chance to make it a better day.
Gail and Gary Chapel

[mailman]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your son, John. I know quite a bit about what you are going through. I've got several family members going through similar issues. Hang in there.

[prchrman]

Praying for you and your son...our kids can really break our hearts sometimes...but we were young also...God bless you and yours...willie

[Cobra25]

Our prayers are with him & your family that he gets well soon.

[Pops]

A quick update on Robert. He is doing OK and the swelling on his face is going down. His left eye appears to have a lot of blood in it now that he is able to open it. He will see the eye guy very soon to check it out. He is back to school but is suffering bad headaches so there may be more issues coming up. Linda went to his car yesterday to remove his stuff and its not pretty plus seeing it did shake her up. I hope to post pictures on Friday of it.
I want to thank all of you again for thoughts and prayers, They did help me get through this.
I hope that Robert has seen the light over this incident. He has agreed to seek out AA for help and support.
Also need to thank everyone who sent me a PM as you all had things to share about this event and your personal lives. It is not always easy to talk about your past mistakes. Thanks again John

[magindat]

I'm glad he's gettin better, John. Don't let him escape knowing how bad it shook up you and the Mrs. It sounds horrible, but guilt is a powerful motivator. Hopefully, he'll follow your course and be a better man for it. Still, DON'T BAIL HIM OUT financially. He needs to suffer with that injury to help make a lasting impression.

Thanx for trusting us to share. We here for ya!

[2003 MIB]

Linda went to his car yesterday to remove his stuff and its not pretty plus seeing it did shake her up. I hope to post pictures on Friday of it.

Please do- I have two teen drivers at home and would like them to see. Thanks!

[Breadfan]

John, I'm glad to hear the good news that your son is doing better. I hope he is able to find the right path and that incidents like this become a lesson learned and a thing of the past.

[ckadiddle]

I am praying that your son gets the AA message and takes it to heart. I feel so fortunate that I was never really attracted to alcohol, pot, etc and skipped over it all. My body does not handle alcohol well at all. I got fairly drunk once at the beach on hot Old Milwaukee and felt sick for three days afterward. That was pretty much the last time I had more than one drink at a time.

[Haggis]

John, glad to hear your son is on the way to recovering from the accident. Stay with him and continue to give him your support.

[AzMarauder]

John,

I just read of this....

Considering where you started in post #1 things have come a long way and mostly positive progress to boot!

I hope things consider to work out well for you and your son!

Kevin

[Mike]

Please do- I have two teen drivers at home and would like them to see. Thanks!


My son will be driving in about 1 1/2 years and it might do him some good to see those pictures. Good luck John!!

[martyo]

If I can get enough interest at 80 bucks a set (which includes shipping in the 50 states), and I don't get kicked off this site, I will do another run.

[Raudermaster]

Glad he's doing ok John. Marty, what are you selling? I'm confused.

[Motorhead350]

I hate alcohol and everything about it, hate drunk driving, but the worst thing is having to deal with something like this yourself. I had to go through a family member hitting a telephone pole with my Marauder a few years back due to alcohol and know what it's like. Sorry you gotta deal with this John, but your a good guy and I'm sure you'll get your son back on track in no time.

I've done stupid stuff too as we well know. 10 Speeding tickets is enough for now. :o

[Pops]

Well here is the update on Robert from this episode. After 5 weeks they charged him with Driving while Intoxicated. We picked up the hospital file and read it to see what was there as the Law had supeneod the records. They had done a blood alcohol test and it came out at .32, this is not good guys. He has been playing by our rules and that is good. This creates a lot of problems as he needed to leave the state for 2 weeks for school and had to get permission from the Judge to do that. Now the real fun starts!

[Bluerauder]

They had done a blood alcohol test and it came out at .32, this is not good guys.
WOW, .32 ??? Are you sure about that level? That is incredibly high according to my understanding of BAC.

Hope this works out for both you and him.

[Pops]

Thats what it said and the first thing that a friend who is an attorney was that raises doubts about the accuracy of the test. This is going to be hard on him but I do not have a lot of sympathy for him yet.

[Bluerauder]

Thats what it said and the first thing that a friend who is an attorney was that raises doubts about the accuracy of the test. This is going to be hard on him but I do not have a lot of sympathy for him yet.

Assuming he weighs 180 lbs, 8 Margaritas in 1 hour will only get him to 0.20 BAC. That's bad enough. That is some SERIOUS number. My concern would go far beyond the legal aspect of the situation. Good Luck, John.

[96DiamondVIII]

At .32 I'm suprised he could walk or even stand up straight, let alone even remember how to operate a vehicle. And this was measured at the hospital, well after the fact? Unless he was drinking *in* the car, I would definitely have some doubts about that (and possibly even then).

[Pops]

I am sure he was not drinking in the car so we will see what happens. I willkeep up the posts as this unwinds. We were upset last Friday when this all came out. Linda picked him up and went to the sheriffs dept. to turn himself in and said they treated him quite poor to add to the deal. We had a long day after the booking. Our attitudes are better now that the shock is over. It was tough even though we new it was going to happen.

[Local Boy]

Good luck my friend. You have my support and best wishes for you and your family.

[Leadfoot281]

A .32 BAC is easily do-able. It just takes a lot of practice.

Nine years ago my Dad had to have a heart by-pass opperation. The doctor told him to not drink for an entire day before coming in. The following day, he blew a .33 BAC. That was after twenty four hours of NOT drinking. Needless to say, the opperation had to be postponed. He quit drinking June 8, 2000. I sure miss him...

I had a friend blow a .50 BAC. The blood test came back with similar results (the cops didn't believe their hand held units). This was right after he sang the funniest version of "I fought the Law" I've ever heard on Karaoke. He's still drinking...

I know another person who nearlly drowned when his esophagus started bleeding due to excessive drinking. This guy is alive and well today due in large part to A.A.

This A.A thing seems to work...

[RCSignals]

long time drinkers at that level can't quit. Their systems become dependent on the alcohol. Quiting will kill them.
A high BAC is their 'normal' just to function

Doesn't mean they should be driving though

[Leadfoot281]

long time drinkers at that level can't quit. Their systems become dependent on the alcohol. Quiting will kill them.


I respectfully have to disagree, because they can and do quit. It happens all the time. I've never heard of a person dying from DT's.

Removing excess alcohol consumption from a person will no sooner kill them than removing cigarettes from a chain smoker. No one has ever died from a 'nic fit' either.

[RCSignals]

I respectfully have to disagree, because they can and do quit. It happens all the time. I've never heard of a person dying from DT's.

Removing excess alcohol consumption from a person will no sooner kill them than removing cigarettes from a chain smoker. No one has ever died from a 'nic fit' either.


It takes a long and controlled dry out, or they will die.
I'm referring to people who are long time drinkers with a constant high BAC, a BAC that would leave any casual drinker unconscious and or with alcohol poisoning.
at those constant high levels over a long period, the body becomes dependent on the alcohol to function.
Nicotine is not the same.

[jdando]

A little background information, on DT's.

Background: Delirium tremens (DT) is a potentially fatal form of ethanol (alcohol) withdrawal. Symptoms of ethanol withdrawal and DT have been recognized for hundreds of years, but the debate over their etiology continued into the 1950s. The work of Victor and Adams as well as Isbell finally demonstrated the symptoms related to ethanol abstinence.
Symptoms may begin a few hours after the cessation of ethanol, but may not peak until 48-72 hours. Emergency physicians must recognize that the presenting symptoms may not be severe and identify those at risk for developing DT. For patients in DT, early recognition and therapy are necessary to prevent significant morbidity and death.

Pathophysiology: DT is caused by the direct effect that ethanol has on the benzodiazepine-GABAa-chloride receptor complex. Persistent effects of ethanol lead to the down-regulation of the receptor complex. When ethanol is withdrawn, a functional decrease in the inhibitory neurotransmitter GABA is seen. This results in an unopposed increase in sympathetic activity with a resultant increase in plasma and urinary catecholamines. Ethanol also acts as an N-methyl D-aspartate receptor antagonist. Withdrawal of ethanol leads to increased activity of these excitatory neural receptors.
Frequency:
In the US: Only 5% of patients with ethanol withdrawal progress to DT.Mortality/Morbidity:
Mortality rate may be as high as 35% if untreated but is less than 5% with early recognition and treatment.
Patients at greatest risk for death are those with extreme fever, fluid and electrolyte imbalance, or intercurrent illness such as pneumonia, hepatitis, or pancreatitis.Sex: Approximately 10% of males and 3-5% of females are alcoholic; 5% of each group experiences DT.
Age: Adolescence to late adulthood is typical.



link

http://www.emedicine.com/EMERG/topic123.htm




Death during quiting drinking happens infrequently these days due to better medical care, closer monitoring of detoxing, etc.

jeremy

[superford3]

sucks to hear but being my life has been severely altered due to a drunk driver,i have no sympathy for drunk drivers and hope they pay the price my accident was in 2002 and i just had my 3rd back surgery last week and will have no summer again for the 3rd year in a row,people have the mentality to know when they have had to much to drink and should not drive,i hope he finally will lwarn his lesson and i feel sorry you have to deal with this but look at it this way ,atleast he didnt kill anybody or hurt someone serious

[jdando]

John;

I hope that you and your wife are managing through this difficult time. Seeing a loved one in pain and continuing in distructive behaviour is heart-wrenching.


If your son has problems with alcohol there are several good options for treatment centers and/or AA. There are lots of success stories.

As Ryan mentioned drunk driving effects many people and the human and financial costs are very high.

The road ahead is long and difficult, I hope you can draw strength, support and information from others who have personal/profesional experience in this area.

jeremy

[Pops]

Here is what I hope the finak update on this issue. Roabert had his day in front of the judge and lost his drivers license for 30 days and will have a restricted license for 5 months. No probation involved. Up to this point he has played by the rules so i am happy with him. I hope he continues on this track. The costs to him were 450.00 to the courts 2000.00 for the attorney who I think was very good. It will be another 1000.00 to get his license back from the state and I am sure that insurance rates will go thru the roof. He has had to work and pay all of the bills with out our help. So I hope this is the end of this story.

[MM03MOK]

Thank you for the update, John. I hope Robert has found local AA support wherever he goes.

"Work the Program."

[magindat]

John, I was wondering about this when I called Friday and you were out fishin!!!

Glad he's OK and hopefully has learned a lesson. Make him to work off every penny of this debt. Make the lesson stick!!!!

Good luck to all of you.
Rich

[Bluerauder]

Here is what I hope the final update on this issue.
John, glad to hear that things seem to be working out well for Robert. Just the $ costs involved should be a motivation to put this stuff behind him. Hoping for the best outcome.

[1of327]

I myself have overcome a severe drinking issue...will power, not A.A. was my motivation. It is still surprising to me how many people have to deal with this same issue. Just shows that no one is perfect.

[Pops]

Many people suffer from this problem and I have to. If I had not quit over 25 years ago I would have nothing today. Good job to all of you and keep up the work. Thanks for all the help on this issue with Robert! Its great to have so many of you that are willing to help.

[Hotrauder]

John, you know that we continue to wish Robert and you well. Penny and Dennis

[Local Boy]

Glad things are working out for you and your family, John...

Best Wishes Always...

ALOHA

[RCSignals]

I'm happy to hear this resolved reasonably well.

[SC Cheesehead]

John,

Thanks for the update. Best wishes going forward. Keep us posted on Robert's progress.

SCCH

[Blackened300a]

Glad to hear everything worked out OK.