Tom Doan
04-15-2007, 06:53 AM
> Dear Gang,
>
>
> If You Would Stop Licking The Cockroaches I
> Wouldn't Be Sick
> or
> Virus-1 Tom-0
> Well gang I finally got a cold, a rotten one too,
> surprised it took
> so long. This place is crowded, when you get on a
> bus or the subway it
> is packed like sardines. The Chinese are very clean
> as a group goes,
> even the slaves don't smell bad jammed on bus, much
> better than the
> middle eastern men here, they you can smell from 50
> feet down wind and
> the Chinese scurry away holding their noses and this
> is standing next
> to the HungPu river which is saying something.
> I could see this one coming from a mile away,
> had my bosses from
> the USA here for the week , lots of running around
> and meetings till
> late at night, meeting lots of new people and eating
> with them which
> can be scary. The Chinese believe in communal
> eating, everyone at the
> table digs in to the same bowl at the same time with
> chopsticks ...you
> are going to swap spit like teenage lovers one way
> or another. The
> snacks on the street can be the cleanest meals you
> eat compared to the
> ritzy banquet with lots of people at the table
> sharing the same dish
> wondering whens the last time this guy brushed his
> teeth while he
> smokes his third cigarette. Who knows what I have
> been exposed to, but
> if your going to be squeamish you are going to
> starve 'cause it's
> every pig for him self.
> About the third day our company driver shows up
> hacking, dripping,
> spewing germs all day while we are trapped in the
> van all day with
> him, I get mad and shout curses at him, which are
> terms of endearment
> to the Chinese, he just smiles. The next day Tang,
> my guard comes down
> with it in his chest and is really mad and chases
> the driver around
> with a dull bench knife threatening to cut off his
> GiGi. I have got to
> come up with a creative insult to express my anger
> for him coming in
> rather than staying home.
> My once Marine Corps clean apartment shared with
> Tang has become
> the black hole of Calcutta group crash pad, I never
> know who or how
> many people I will wake up to, I have 4 couches and
> the company will
> throw people here in a jam, added to assorted girl
> friends and
> relatives visiting. I now have roaches the size of
> your toe and thus I
> came up with the opening insult to throw at the
> driver, which shut him
> up and got me a dirty look which means a direct hit.
> But hey, I don't
> care because........
>
> Smoke Me A Kipper I'll Be
> Home For Breakfast
>
> I'm heading home and looking for a cheeseburger,
> ribs, salad,
> peanuts,Bourbon, cornbread, you get the idea. By
> this time of year I
> am usually deep into making hams, Canadian bacon,
> sausages, smoked
> almonds, little fishy's, cheese goodies from the
> smoker, but alas none
> for you or me. And you thought me being away
> wouldn't affect your
> life? I know the mailman, UPS and the trashman are
> going to be mad,
> for no treats this year, come to think about it the
> whole damn
> neighborhood is going to be pissed, maybe I come
> home for Ground Hog
> Day.
>
>
> The Hunt For A Wing
> From Buffalo
>
>
>
> The Chinese love chicken wings as I have written
> before. You can
> find them on the streets sold in little stalls on
> many corners, in
> many flavors, and would do the Colonel proud, a wing
> is pretty hard to
> mess up.
> King of the eastern shore of Maryland was Frank
> Purdue the chicken
> God, who said that if he could develop a chicken
> with 6 wings on it he
> would make Bill Gates look like a pauper. My guard
> and me get into
> discussions over the merits of Hunan, Canton,
> Szechwan flavors. I have
> told them about Buffalo Wings, which is a hard
> concept for people
> where a buffalo is their version of a John Deere
> tractor. I must keep
> explaining that Buffalo is the town that came up
> with the recipe not
> the animal, they ask why would you name a town after
> a buffalo? Good
> point.
> I realize that I am going to have to come up
> with the recipe off
> the bottle of Frank's Hot Sauce some how since I
> can't get it in
> China, off to Google land. What did I find? Keep
> reading if you want
> to know...
>
>
> Delightfully
> Tacky Yet Unrefined
>
>
> Some of our readers know that's the slogan for
> Hooters, home of
> the best chicken wings and famous for their
> beautiful wait staff in
> tacky uniforms. Good web site, Tang's eyes popped
> out, "This place is
> real?" he asked, Chinese men crazy for American
> woman. So while
> looking at the different flavors on the menu on the
> web site I see
> Cesar Salad, ummmm salad, been too long, I am
> getting desperate. I
> look at the location map to see where the closest
> one to my home is
> for when I get back and down in the corner of the
> page is a map of the
> world with little dots on it. Do I see? Yes, a dot
> on China, hit the
> dot and bingo I got the only Hooters a 1.50 cab ride
> away."
> WooooWhoooo dinners on me" I tell Tang, he looks at
> the address and
> shakes his head, "This in red light district".
> Buffalo wings AND
> Chinese hookers, this is getting better by the
> minute, the Gods are
> smiling.
>
> Off to
> Hookerville
>
> Past readers will know I've yet to see a
> hooker in Shang Hai in
> the last 8 years, 10 years ago I did. This is the
> cleanest, safest,
> big city I've ever been in, think of Salem
> Massachusetts circa 1957.
> The only thing you will see here is two kids holding
> hands and that
> probably took a year of dating. The drug trade moves
> heroin from Burma
> to Hong Kong which is far to the south, where there
> are drugs there is
> prostitution, up here they shoot'em.
> Off to hookerville, to eat chicken wings and
> salad while watching
> the working girls try to make it pay. Well I was
> disappointed, this
> area was as high end as Boca or Bal Harbor. The most
> dangerous looking
> women I saw were all driving Mercedes S-600's, maybe
> Tang's sharper
> than I give him credit for.
> American music greeted my ears and the smell
> of cheeseburgers my
> nose, which might not be that great to you, but
> after 6 months felt
> like home. Tang's a strapping, young, 25 year old
> horndog, but his 4
> front teeth are genetically messed up so his smile
> scares little kids,
> full of stainless steel, Hooters girls don't care
> and he looked like a
>
=== message truncated ===
>
>
> If You Would Stop Licking The Cockroaches I
> Wouldn't Be Sick
> or
> Virus-1 Tom-0
> Well gang I finally got a cold, a rotten one too,
> surprised it took
> so long. This place is crowded, when you get on a
> bus or the subway it
> is packed like sardines. The Chinese are very clean
> as a group goes,
> even the slaves don't smell bad jammed on bus, much
> better than the
> middle eastern men here, they you can smell from 50
> feet down wind and
> the Chinese scurry away holding their noses and this
> is standing next
> to the HungPu river which is saying something.
> I could see this one coming from a mile away,
> had my bosses from
> the USA here for the week , lots of running around
> and meetings till
> late at night, meeting lots of new people and eating
> with them which
> can be scary. The Chinese believe in communal
> eating, everyone at the
> table digs in to the same bowl at the same time with
> chopsticks ...you
> are going to swap spit like teenage lovers one way
> or another. The
> snacks on the street can be the cleanest meals you
> eat compared to the
> ritzy banquet with lots of people at the table
> sharing the same dish
> wondering whens the last time this guy brushed his
> teeth while he
> smokes his third cigarette. Who knows what I have
> been exposed to, but
> if your going to be squeamish you are going to
> starve 'cause it's
> every pig for him self.
> About the third day our company driver shows up
> hacking, dripping,
> spewing germs all day while we are trapped in the
> van all day with
> him, I get mad and shout curses at him, which are
> terms of endearment
> to the Chinese, he just smiles. The next day Tang,
> my guard comes down
> with it in his chest and is really mad and chases
> the driver around
> with a dull bench knife threatening to cut off his
> GiGi. I have got to
> come up with a creative insult to express my anger
> for him coming in
> rather than staying home.
> My once Marine Corps clean apartment shared with
> Tang has become
> the black hole of Calcutta group crash pad, I never
> know who or how
> many people I will wake up to, I have 4 couches and
> the company will
> throw people here in a jam, added to assorted girl
> friends and
> relatives visiting. I now have roaches the size of
> your toe and thus I
> came up with the opening insult to throw at the
> driver, which shut him
> up and got me a dirty look which means a direct hit.
> But hey, I don't
> care because........
>
> Smoke Me A Kipper I'll Be
> Home For Breakfast
>
> I'm heading home and looking for a cheeseburger,
> ribs, salad,
> peanuts,Bourbon, cornbread, you get the idea. By
> this time of year I
> am usually deep into making hams, Canadian bacon,
> sausages, smoked
> almonds, little fishy's, cheese goodies from the
> smoker, but alas none
> for you or me. And you thought me being away
> wouldn't affect your
> life? I know the mailman, UPS and the trashman are
> going to be mad,
> for no treats this year, come to think about it the
> whole damn
> neighborhood is going to be pissed, maybe I come
> home for Ground Hog
> Day.
>
>
> The Hunt For A Wing
> From Buffalo
>
>
>
> The Chinese love chicken wings as I have written
> before. You can
> find them on the streets sold in little stalls on
> many corners, in
> many flavors, and would do the Colonel proud, a wing
> is pretty hard to
> mess up.
> King of the eastern shore of Maryland was Frank
> Purdue the chicken
> God, who said that if he could develop a chicken
> with 6 wings on it he
> would make Bill Gates look like a pauper. My guard
> and me get into
> discussions over the merits of Hunan, Canton,
> Szechwan flavors. I have
> told them about Buffalo Wings, which is a hard
> concept for people
> where a buffalo is their version of a John Deere
> tractor. I must keep
> explaining that Buffalo is the town that came up
> with the recipe not
> the animal, they ask why would you name a town after
> a buffalo? Good
> point.
> I realize that I am going to have to come up
> with the recipe off
> the bottle of Frank's Hot Sauce some how since I
> can't get it in
> China, off to Google land. What did I find? Keep
> reading if you want
> to know...
>
>
> Delightfully
> Tacky Yet Unrefined
>
>
> Some of our readers know that's the slogan for
> Hooters, home of
> the best chicken wings and famous for their
> beautiful wait staff in
> tacky uniforms. Good web site, Tang's eyes popped
> out, "This place is
> real?" he asked, Chinese men crazy for American
> woman. So while
> looking at the different flavors on the menu on the
> web site I see
> Cesar Salad, ummmm salad, been too long, I am
> getting desperate. I
> look at the location map to see where the closest
> one to my home is
> for when I get back and down in the corner of the
> page is a map of the
> world with little dots on it. Do I see? Yes, a dot
> on China, hit the
> dot and bingo I got the only Hooters a 1.50 cab ride
> away."
> WooooWhoooo dinners on me" I tell Tang, he looks at
> the address and
> shakes his head, "This in red light district".
> Buffalo wings AND
> Chinese hookers, this is getting better by the
> minute, the Gods are
> smiling.
>
> Off to
> Hookerville
>
> Past readers will know I've yet to see a
> hooker in Shang Hai in
> the last 8 years, 10 years ago I did. This is the
> cleanest, safest,
> big city I've ever been in, think of Salem
> Massachusetts circa 1957.
> The only thing you will see here is two kids holding
> hands and that
> probably took a year of dating. The drug trade moves
> heroin from Burma
> to Hong Kong which is far to the south, where there
> are drugs there is
> prostitution, up here they shoot'em.
> Off to hookerville, to eat chicken wings and
> salad while watching
> the working girls try to make it pay. Well I was
> disappointed, this
> area was as high end as Boca or Bal Harbor. The most
> dangerous looking
> women I saw were all driving Mercedes S-600's, maybe
> Tang's sharper
> than I give him credit for.
> American music greeted my ears and the smell
> of cheeseburgers my
> nose, which might not be that great to you, but
> after 6 months felt
> like home. Tang's a strapping, young, 25 year old
> horndog, but his 4
> front teeth are genetically messed up so his smile
> scares little kids,
> full of stainless steel, Hooters girls don't care
> and he looked like a
>
=== message truncated ===