SMOKE
12-22-2007, 12:40 PM
Always loved this post around this time of year...
Figured I'd dig it back up...from January 2004 and titled "Hibernation tales" by dwasson...
All Marauders are special but this is the story of Marauder 628724.
Once upon a time, there was a land called Canada. Canada was known for large toothless men who played hockey. In a village in Canada called St.Thomas the elves had a stable where they bred Panther cars. Some Panthers were called Crown Victorias and some were called Grand Marquis.
Most of the Panther cars were destined to a calm, solid life carrying older people on short trips. Many of them, while comfortable, would play tricks on their owner, like leaving the turn signals on for miles and miles. Some Panther cars would seduce the owners into forgetting where they were going. Other cars would pass the slow moving Panther car and smile at the joke that was being played on the owner. Many Panther cars ended up in a wonderful place called Florida where they sat motionless for weeks in front of mobile homes.
Even in the beginning some Panther cars were different from the others. Some of the Crown Victorias were more ambitious than the others and became Police Interceptors. The Police Interceptors were faster and louder than the other Panther cars and even had better brakes and suspension. The other Panther cars were happy though. They knew that some cars have a sense of duty and were willing to run faster and harder and maybe wear out sooner.
None of the Panther cars wanted to talk about the other “different” cars. These cars, also Crown Victorias, worked as hired transport. This was a short, brutal life that sometimes ended in the scrap yard within three years. None of the Crown Victorias wanted this life. Discovering that they would be a taxi would cause a wave of depression to roll over the Crown Victoria chosen for this miserable life.
After a long stretch of time the elves had gotten used to breeding Panther cars and were good at it. Some changes had been made but the essential character of the Panther cars had not changed.
Then the planets went into a unique alignment. Astrologers from the magic castle in Dearborn and explained to the elves, in halting Canadian, that they may see some of the newborn Grand Marquis acting differently. Some of the cars, they told the elves, may begin to work out and develop more powerful engines and bigger tires. The elves were told that when these cars are discovered they should be put into a special corral where they are to be tutored by Mustang Cobras. Then, when they are delivered to their new owners they will be accompanied by a leather jacket. The elves were told that most of these cars will start to dress in black and make more noise than other Panther cars. But the elves shouldn’t worry. These cars will be called Marauders and most of them will go to loving homes where they can live good lives where they provide mental health services for nice guys who don’t like rice burners. The elves prepared a special place for the new Marauders and waited for the first ones to be born.
When the first Marauders were born they were popular with guys in their 40s. 628724 was sent to Detroit (a magical place that is both north and south of Canada) where it bought by a mean man who didn’t love it. The mean man drove it every day but didn’t wash it more than once per week. We don’t know all of the horrors the Marauder saw while owned by the mean man. After less than a year the mean man sold it.
The Marauder languished on a Ford dealer lot for over a month until it was purchased by a nice man who loved it. The nice man promised the Marauder that it would never be left parked on the street and would get washed at least twice per week.
For three months the Marauder and the nice man were together every day. They drove all over the magic city and met a few other Marauders. The Marauder was shown off at the Woodward Ave Dream Cruise. The nice man never ate food in the Marauder and kept the interior clean. The nice man waxed the Marauder once per month. The nice man kept clean oil in the engine and checked the tires weekly.
The Marauder raced rice burners and BMWs and usually won. The Marauder was happy that it never embarrassed the nice man.
Sometimes the Marauder was able go really fast. The Marauder liked this because this is what it was bred for. Once, the Marauder was able to average 92 mph for over 250 miles. The nice man was very proud. They even drove to the distant lands of Tennessee and Georgia, where pick up trucks rule. It was a good life.
One morning the Marauder woke to chilly weather. The Marauder liked the cool air but knew that winter was coming. How hard would this winter be? The Marauder had seen some cars on the road that were rusted and bent. All of them had a tale to tell. While they all weren’t as special as the Marauder, they were all new once and shiny. The winter and the miles had aged them prematurely. The Marauder was very sad. The Marauder knew that being protected from the winter is important. Winter hates and destroys good cars with salt and accidents.
One Saturday morning the nice man drove the Marauder out of the garage and they went to get an oil change. For some reason the nice man seemed sad but the Marauder enjoyed the attention from the mechanic. Then they went to the car wash and came out looking shiny and new.
After a fast run on the interstate the nice man drove the Marauder back into the garage. But, this time there was something new. There was a black plastic cover on the floor. This seemed a little fussy, after all, aren’t tires expected to touch concrete? The nice man rolled the windows down and popped the hood. Then he turned the ignition off and opened the door. The nice man opened the hood and topped off the brake reservoir. Then he clipped charger clips to the battery posts. After that he pulled a clear plastic cover the car and zipped it to the black plastic. A fan started to lift the clear plastic off of the Marauder’s sheet metal. The nice man said, “See you in April.” Then he turned the lights off in the garage and closed the big door.
The Marauder knew that it would be sad to not drive for 5 months but it felt warm and secure in the garage. April wouldn’t be too long to wait. The Marauder dreamed about fast roads and scenic byways.
Have a safe holiday season and a great '08 everyone...
-Jonthan
Figured I'd dig it back up...from January 2004 and titled "Hibernation tales" by dwasson...
All Marauders are special but this is the story of Marauder 628724.
Once upon a time, there was a land called Canada. Canada was known for large toothless men who played hockey. In a village in Canada called St.Thomas the elves had a stable where they bred Panther cars. Some Panthers were called Crown Victorias and some were called Grand Marquis.
Most of the Panther cars were destined to a calm, solid life carrying older people on short trips. Many of them, while comfortable, would play tricks on their owner, like leaving the turn signals on for miles and miles. Some Panther cars would seduce the owners into forgetting where they were going. Other cars would pass the slow moving Panther car and smile at the joke that was being played on the owner. Many Panther cars ended up in a wonderful place called Florida where they sat motionless for weeks in front of mobile homes.
Even in the beginning some Panther cars were different from the others. Some of the Crown Victorias were more ambitious than the others and became Police Interceptors. The Police Interceptors were faster and louder than the other Panther cars and even had better brakes and suspension. The other Panther cars were happy though. They knew that some cars have a sense of duty and were willing to run faster and harder and maybe wear out sooner.
None of the Panther cars wanted to talk about the other “different” cars. These cars, also Crown Victorias, worked as hired transport. This was a short, brutal life that sometimes ended in the scrap yard within three years. None of the Crown Victorias wanted this life. Discovering that they would be a taxi would cause a wave of depression to roll over the Crown Victoria chosen for this miserable life.
After a long stretch of time the elves had gotten used to breeding Panther cars and were good at it. Some changes had been made but the essential character of the Panther cars had not changed.
Then the planets went into a unique alignment. Astrologers from the magic castle in Dearborn and explained to the elves, in halting Canadian, that they may see some of the newborn Grand Marquis acting differently. Some of the cars, they told the elves, may begin to work out and develop more powerful engines and bigger tires. The elves were told that when these cars are discovered they should be put into a special corral where they are to be tutored by Mustang Cobras. Then, when they are delivered to their new owners they will be accompanied by a leather jacket. The elves were told that most of these cars will start to dress in black and make more noise than other Panther cars. But the elves shouldn’t worry. These cars will be called Marauders and most of them will go to loving homes where they can live good lives where they provide mental health services for nice guys who don’t like rice burners. The elves prepared a special place for the new Marauders and waited for the first ones to be born.
When the first Marauders were born they were popular with guys in their 40s. 628724 was sent to Detroit (a magical place that is both north and south of Canada) where it bought by a mean man who didn’t love it. The mean man drove it every day but didn’t wash it more than once per week. We don’t know all of the horrors the Marauder saw while owned by the mean man. After less than a year the mean man sold it.
The Marauder languished on a Ford dealer lot for over a month until it was purchased by a nice man who loved it. The nice man promised the Marauder that it would never be left parked on the street and would get washed at least twice per week.
For three months the Marauder and the nice man were together every day. They drove all over the magic city and met a few other Marauders. The Marauder was shown off at the Woodward Ave Dream Cruise. The nice man never ate food in the Marauder and kept the interior clean. The nice man waxed the Marauder once per month. The nice man kept clean oil in the engine and checked the tires weekly.
The Marauder raced rice burners and BMWs and usually won. The Marauder was happy that it never embarrassed the nice man.
Sometimes the Marauder was able go really fast. The Marauder liked this because this is what it was bred for. Once, the Marauder was able to average 92 mph for over 250 miles. The nice man was very proud. They even drove to the distant lands of Tennessee and Georgia, where pick up trucks rule. It was a good life.
One morning the Marauder woke to chilly weather. The Marauder liked the cool air but knew that winter was coming. How hard would this winter be? The Marauder had seen some cars on the road that were rusted and bent. All of them had a tale to tell. While they all weren’t as special as the Marauder, they were all new once and shiny. The winter and the miles had aged them prematurely. The Marauder was very sad. The Marauder knew that being protected from the winter is important. Winter hates and destroys good cars with salt and accidents.
One Saturday morning the nice man drove the Marauder out of the garage and they went to get an oil change. For some reason the nice man seemed sad but the Marauder enjoyed the attention from the mechanic. Then they went to the car wash and came out looking shiny and new.
After a fast run on the interstate the nice man drove the Marauder back into the garage. But, this time there was something new. There was a black plastic cover on the floor. This seemed a little fussy, after all, aren’t tires expected to touch concrete? The nice man rolled the windows down and popped the hood. Then he turned the ignition off and opened the door. The nice man opened the hood and topped off the brake reservoir. Then he clipped charger clips to the battery posts. After that he pulled a clear plastic cover the car and zipped it to the black plastic. A fan started to lift the clear plastic off of the Marauder’s sheet metal. The nice man said, “See you in April.” Then he turned the lights off in the garage and closed the big door.
The Marauder knew that it would be sad to not drive for 5 months but it felt warm and secure in the garage. April wouldn’t be too long to wait. The Marauder dreamed about fast roads and scenic byways.
Have a safe holiday season and a great '08 everyone...
-Jonthan