Have you ever **** yourself

[GODFATHER]

Have you ever ***** yourself? http://www.taurusclub.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/blink.gif

C'mon now, be honest. Some people will think im a sick bastard for creating this thread but i always get a good laugh out of these stories. http://www.taurusclub.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif

For me its at least three times that i can remember. First two times were just minor incidents of sharting. You know, when you think you can safely let one loose but the ups man shows up in your drawers(what can brown do for you?).

But there was one occasion where it was very very bad. I had just started going out with this girl and we went to olive garden for a late dinner. We went back to my house and after a little while i drove her home. Now, about half way to her house i got the sensation that i needed to pinch a loaf. If i was smart i would have dropped the deadly deuce once i got to her house but we had just met a week or so ago and i didnt exactly want to give birth to the anti-christ in her bathroom. so i said goodnight and headed home.

I still had the urge to **** but i decided i could hold it instead of going in one of those dirty gas stations. You know, the ones where you walk in and you think, "good god how could someones aim be this bad." man oh man was i wrong. About 15 minutes from my house i realized i was totally screwed. that olive garden chicken parmesan had gone through my bowels like sherman through atlanta. Even worse i ran into a traffic jam, so i took some back roads hauling major ass doing like 60.

This put me in an even worse position because i got stuck behind some old bag doing like 25mph. i drove by a toppled port-a-potty and contemplated standing it up and ****ting in there but i knew i would lose it by the time i got half way to the plop john. Plus my car was a 5spd so every time i pushed the clutch in the liquid mass of turds crept closer and closer to my sphincter. At long last the lady turned and i floored it home. As soon i hit my driveway i launched out of the car, leaving it still running. unfortuneately my launch was fueled by, you geussed it, ****. i lost all control and by the time i hit the front door i was totally finished with my business. good thing it was dark though, i ended up taking a shower with the hose.

[Zack]

CBT incognito folks

[TiTo35]

:lol:
WOW
:lol:

[ctrlraven]

OMG LOL I'm dying over here hahaha.

[Krytin]

Yoou know, it's a real shame you live in Texas.
It will be nearly impossible for us to sit down face to face and have a beer!
My brother lives in Huston but I don't get down there very often

[ParkRanger]

You should have pinched off that republican at her house.

[GODFATHER]

Yoou know, it's a real shame you live in Texas.
It will be nearly impossible for us to sit down face to face and have a beer!
My brother lives in Huston but I don't get down there very often
thanks:beer:on day

[GODFATHER]

You should have pinched off that republican at her house.
lol should have:banana2:

[ImpalaSlayer]

:laugh: :rofl:

most funny thread ive read on here yet.

[SILVERSURFER03]

Thats Funny Never Experienced Myself Sorry You Had To ...but In Anycase You Always Seem To Find A Slow Driver When Your In A Hurry

[Motorhead350]

I did when I was like 4 when I had my first case of diarrhea. I thought I had a nice fart coming, but little did I know it would come with gravy.

[freakstatus]

Guy....enoughs enough.

P.S....Olive Garden does that to you...;)

[Todd]

You should have pinched off that republican at her house.


Easy old man..... Watch who you are comparing to his turds....

[GODFATHER]

Easy old man..... Watch who you are comparing to his turds....
lollolol:beer:

[Raudermaster]

Too bad I'm the only one to know where this thread came from! Brett your secret is safe with me!

[Motorhead350]

You should have pinched off that republican at her house.

:D :popcorn:

[GODFATHER]

Too bad I'm the only one to know where this thread came from! Brett your secret is safe with me!
:beer:THANKS MOST OF THEM DO :banana2:

[Cheeseheadbob]

Then wiped his democrat.... :D
You should have pinched off that republican at her house.

[ChiTownMaraud3r]

Plus my car was a 5spd so every time i pushed the clutch in the liquid mass of turds crept closer and closer to my sphincter.

^ :rofl: Haaaaa ^

[GODFATHER]

^ :rofl: Haaaaa ^
I KNOW IT IS SICK:cool:

[dreydin]

holy ****! lol!

[GODFATHER]

Then wiped his democrat.... :D
LOLOLOLOLOL

[J-MAN]

What a throughly delightful story. That will be the next bedtime story for the grandkids.:eek:

[GODFATHER]

What a throughly delightful story. That will be the next bedtime story for the grandkids.:eek:

:confused::bows::lol:

[Bradley G]

I had to look, I passed this thread (I thought the **** was the "F" word)a couple times, cause I don't like to Brag.:awe: :lol:

[offroadkarter]

Too bad I'm the only one to know where this thread came from! Brett your secret is safe with me!


Could it be SVTP? :confused:


I never shat myself, but someone in my school did freshmen year, had to close the entire orange hallway off, kids were throwing up, it was sloshing down the hall, allover the kids shirt (tried to wipe it off of his seat with a white uniform shirt, smart :P) Im pretty sure the entire hall was closed off all day, because the smell of sh**, puke, and embarrassment carried around the first floor.

Well, he had a really *****ty day :D

[Hacklemerc]

Okay, so no one els is manning up... I did in fact S#$t myslef once. When I was in Kuwait getting ready to go into Iraq, they gave us pills to take for "malaria." THese pills had a very negative effect on my digestive tract. I was walking back from the dining facility when I suddenly felt the undeniable urge to go. I sped my pace up considerably but had to slow down, I was unable to rn and clench at the same time. I was still about 100 yards away from the portajohn when the urge was no longer an urge but a demand. my eyes were darting everywhere, looking for any bit of privacy, be it a bunker, an unoccupied vehicle, something I could drop trou in and releive myself... nothing but sleep tents and more sleep tents. I'm mean but I wouldn't dump where another man gets his rest. SO there I was walking as fast as I could in full battle rattle, clenching my cheeks together as hard as I could. I finally made it to the john opened the door and started shedding gear. Just as I got my belt undone the demand was completed. I did infact deficate in my pants... I managed to get my pants down and finish the mission in the porta-john, I used my knife and cut my underwear free and let them drop into the can. I cleaned up and then promptly walked to the shower tent and washed myself. That was the last time I took the "malaria" medicine. I figured I would rather be deathly ill than run the chance of filling my pants again.

There, now I've said it.. yes, I have crapped myself...

[Krytin]

my eyes were darting everywhere, looking for any bit of privacy, be it a bunker, an unoccupied vehicle, something I could drop trou in and releive myself... nothing but sleep tents and more sleep tents. I'm mean but I wouldn't dump where another man gets his rest.

This reminds me of a story my Dad told me once about WWII.
His artillery unit was pretty much following the Germans as they left Italy and they were camped in the hills somewhere. It got very cold at night then warmed up during the day. Well it appears someone didn't want to venture out into the cold night to the latrine so this person removed the liner from someone else steel pot/helmet, relieved himself, re-inserted the liner and left it that way.
The "mess" froze over night and did not make itself known until about mid-day after the sun had been on it while on the poor GI's head! "Hey, who S**t in my hat!!"

[Ken]

Now that's some funny ****! :rofl:

Ken

[GODFATHER]

This reminds me of a story my Dad told me once about WWII.
His artillery unit was pretty much following the Germans as they left Italy and they were camped in the hills somewhere. It got very cold at night then warmed up during the day. Well it appears someone didn't want to venture out into the cold night to the latrine so this person removed the liner from someone else steel pot/helmet, relieved himself, re-inserted the liner and left it that way.
The "mess" froze over night and did not make itself known until about mid-day after the sun had been on it while on the poor GI's head! "Hey, who S**t in my hat!!"

:bows::wasntme:

[Spectragod]

This is some funny *****.

SG