CBT
11-07-2008, 06:04 PM
The face of EVIL
13755
As some of you may know, I made the mistake about a year and a few months ago of putting a saucer of coffee creamer on my front porch for a little ball of dryer lint with fangs that showed up one night, hoping it would shut the hell up and be on it's merry way. Wrong. In hindsight, what I should have done was stuck to my MO and stapled a 20 dollar bill to her forehead and left her at the Motel 6 and made my get away while the roofies were still kickin'. But I slipped up, and now I'm stuck with this...this...furry little kiss from Satan.
Flash forward to recently, I finally replaced the screen in my big sliding glass door. Amy and I were at the local Lowes, or Home Depot, can't remember which. I just remember half of everything was printed in Spanish to REALLY confuse people who slept thru English class in school. Anyway, we are scoping out the various grades of screen and Amy says "Oh snap, (she's half gangsta *****, appearantly) this ****z is made out of kevlar!"
I said "Great, cause bullets just seem to cut thru our regular screens like butter. Jackass." (side note, I didn't get any sweet sweet lovin that nite)
Now, as you can see in the second picture, Halas is much bigger, and her claws are made of Adamantium. Not the freaky British singer, but that stuff that pops out of Wolverines hands and groin. Amy, the half Italian, half gangsta *****, took a picture first THEN yelled for me to come see this:
13756
Me being the calm, soft spoken person I am, went Berserker. When I finally caught Halas, the recliner was tipped over, another sitting chair was turned over, and a 7 foot couch was flipped over. And that was just in the living room. My arms were scratched to bits but I caught her.
Amy: "Seriously, did you have to go all 'Bourne Supremacy' on her?"
Me: "YEAH! Wait, was that the first or second one?"
Amy: "I think it was the third one."
Me: "There's 3?"
Amy: "Yeah, and they are talking about a 4th."
Me: "What the fack? What is this one going to be called, The Bourne Redundancy?"
Amy: "I don't know, but you shouldn't be so mean to her."
Me: "Would you feel better if I went Walker, Texas Ranger on her?"
Amy: "What's that, you spend 29 minutes tracking her down, then spend the last minute with your boot on her throat, saying something wholesome like "Brushing 3 times a day promotes good oral hygiene, and your going to need it where you're going."
Me: "Uhhh......yes?"
Amy: "No. You're only mad at her cause she's a jackass who runs around like an idiot, pops up in places she shouldn't be, gives people dirty looks, and pees where she isn't supposed to."
Me: "You just described ME in every foreign city I've ever visited. And half the US cities. And Canada. I can't hate her for things I've done."
So we got her fixed last week, hopefully it helps calm her down. Now she just lounges around, staring at her shaved lower region. Again, kind of like what I do...
13755
As some of you may know, I made the mistake about a year and a few months ago of putting a saucer of coffee creamer on my front porch for a little ball of dryer lint with fangs that showed up one night, hoping it would shut the hell up and be on it's merry way. Wrong. In hindsight, what I should have done was stuck to my MO and stapled a 20 dollar bill to her forehead and left her at the Motel 6 and made my get away while the roofies were still kickin'. But I slipped up, and now I'm stuck with this...this...furry little kiss from Satan.
Flash forward to recently, I finally replaced the screen in my big sliding glass door. Amy and I were at the local Lowes, or Home Depot, can't remember which. I just remember half of everything was printed in Spanish to REALLY confuse people who slept thru English class in school. Anyway, we are scoping out the various grades of screen and Amy says "Oh snap, (she's half gangsta *****, appearantly) this ****z is made out of kevlar!"
I said "Great, cause bullets just seem to cut thru our regular screens like butter. Jackass." (side note, I didn't get any sweet sweet lovin that nite)
Now, as you can see in the second picture, Halas is much bigger, and her claws are made of Adamantium. Not the freaky British singer, but that stuff that pops out of Wolverines hands and groin. Amy, the half Italian, half gangsta *****, took a picture first THEN yelled for me to come see this:
13756
Me being the calm, soft spoken person I am, went Berserker. When I finally caught Halas, the recliner was tipped over, another sitting chair was turned over, and a 7 foot couch was flipped over. And that was just in the living room. My arms were scratched to bits but I caught her.
Amy: "Seriously, did you have to go all 'Bourne Supremacy' on her?"
Me: "YEAH! Wait, was that the first or second one?"
Amy: "I think it was the third one."
Me: "There's 3?"
Amy: "Yeah, and they are talking about a 4th."
Me: "What the fack? What is this one going to be called, The Bourne Redundancy?"
Amy: "I don't know, but you shouldn't be so mean to her."
Me: "Would you feel better if I went Walker, Texas Ranger on her?"
Amy: "What's that, you spend 29 minutes tracking her down, then spend the last minute with your boot on her throat, saying something wholesome like "Brushing 3 times a day promotes good oral hygiene, and your going to need it where you're going."
Me: "Uhhh......yes?"
Amy: "No. You're only mad at her cause she's a jackass who runs around like an idiot, pops up in places she shouldn't be, gives people dirty looks, and pees where she isn't supposed to."
Me: "You just described ME in every foreign city I've ever visited. And half the US cities. And Canada. I can't hate her for things I've done."
So we got her fixed last week, hopefully it helps calm her down. Now she just lounges around, staring at her shaved lower region. Again, kind of like what I do...