Crazy taxi project... taxi bumper guards.

[Odinson]

Hello

So I've got this new Marauder and I'm totally freaked about the condition of the finish on the bumpers. They are near perfect right now. It's not paranoia though, bumpers get traaaaaaassssshhhhhheeeeeeed in NYC pretty fast from cars getting in and out of all the tight parking spots. Lincolns, Crown Victoria's and Grand Marquis alike.

Most ordinary folks buy those rubber strips with high end adhesive one side and stick them on the trouble spots. This is no good since I have no idea how to get them off. I may try to sell the car later on, or may just decide it's safe enough to remove the things.

So I start poking around for some full size Ford variant of those grill/bumper guards you see bolted to the frame on some trucks. Nope. I know truck bumpers usually suck, but I can't believe there are no takers in the car markets.

The goal here is to get the best protection for the car's finish without damaging it in the process. How about push bars, and a trailer hitch? Sure enough this looks like that is viable. Class I/II hitches and Rhino 3' black hitch steps are available and would likely work. There are also 'No fascia cut' crown vic push bars from Go Rhino or Go Industries. The plus is this stuff will probably bolt up exactly. The bad news is that it will easily add 100+ pounds to the car to bolt up this stuff. The other bad news is both pushbar and hitch alike bypass the weaker bumpers designed to absorb the the impact of a crash and essentially extend the frame to outside the car. Indestructible for all types of crashes, but not great for protecting the vertebrae of a two year old. Probably would have ate the weight and did it if not for the family. The whole project would have been $500 plus install too.

Then there it is. The answer is right in front of me. NYC taxi's. All the taxis have roughly the same bumper guards, and they seem to actually mount too the bumper. Either a small license plate mounted one or what looks like a simple push bar in the front, and two big strips of metal mounted rubber in the back. When you look at it you realize this is what makes the taxi's look so mean.

By running through Manhattan traffic and carefully examining taxi's at stop lights (that got some weird looks) I figure out there are a few companies that make these and they are all slightly different. All the larger front guards need to cut through the plastic of the front bumper to mount, but the small ones even seem to mount to the license plate holes and be interchangeable between cars! I saw a few on the explorer hybrids some drivers are using. The rear ones almost all seem to mount though holes drilled through the rear bumper except one company, Kgt bumper guards in Astoria. Eureka! They have a model that seems to wrap around under the rear bumper and mount to the frame underneath.

I called them on the phone to discuss my strange requirements, but I confused the guy. So I finally get there on my first business day off, Friday. Sure enough they have the guards I described. Here is the best part. Only $140 for front and back combined and both pieces are only about 30 lbs combined despite having 1/8th (maybe more?) inch thick steel frames.

So tomorrow I'm going to try and mount these things without destroying the bumpers I'm trying to protect. How exactly the rear attaches is still a mystery to me but I have a torch/drill press/die grinder so making a bracket should not be too big a deal.

The front doesn't seem to be exactly as I expected. Two surprises. It included two long bolts which I expect are typically run though large holes drilled through the bumper and bumper insert by the installer. This breaks my rule of no damage. So I go the the fall back plan of simply mounting it via the license plate screws. I take the stock front license plate holder off to find that it's just screwed right to the plastic. Fine for a 8 oz piece of OEM plastic, but no good for an 8 lb steel bumper plate. So figuring I can stretch the rules since ford already broke them, I cut four license plate holes in the bumper cover. They will be invisible to any local buyer, since NY requires a front plate, and they will be behind the plastic platform if it's reinstalled. Unfortunately I can't really reach between the insert and the bumper to bolt them down and reinforce the plastic with (at least) washers.

That brings me to my questions. I'd like to run thick threaded rod from the license plate back through bumper insert, and reinforce/bolt down behind there. If I drill four wholes straight back toward the radiator, are there any sensors in the bumper insert I can damage?

Also what is involved in removing the bumper insert front and rear? It looks like I have a plan for the front to avoid that, but removal may be necessary in the rear for install. It seems like you just need to unbolt the 8 bolts on each bumper pillar, and the the bumper insert would just fall out of the bumper. Is that accurate?

Thanks for you expertise. I'll post pics if I don't embarrass my self and damage my car.

Matt

[TAKEDOWN]

Welcome to the site, good luck with those bumpers... you should post some pictures when done.

[justbob]

No offense but stop...........Just buff them when needed or paint them when they get bad. Mounting demolision bars front and back especially to plastic will only crap up the appearance and you'll be really pissed when someone hooks that front one just right and rips the front bumper down the middle, or when they just bipass the bumpers and door ding the crap out of it. There is no perfect protection.

[TAKEDOWN]

No offense but stop...........Just buff them when needed or paint them when they get bad. Mounting demolision bars front and back especially to plastic will only crap up the appearance and you'll be really pissed when someone hooks that front one just right and rips the front bumper down the middle, or when they just bipass the bumpers and door ding the crap out of it. There is no perfect protection.

That's why they call em' bumpers! I don't blame you wanting to protect your car, do what what makes ya happy. I do agree they take away from the car, but If you do go with the guards, post pictures of em'!

[Rocknthehawk]

I saw a brand new bmw in boston last week...it had a type of "pillow" looking cover on the bumpers, so people that can't park wouldn't tap it and screw it up.

[larryo340]

When I venture into Queens I have seen on somes cars a "heavy" rubber type matt that protects the rear bumper when parked. It looks like it's held in place by the trunk lid when closed. Some people even drive with this mat flapping around, I guess they're too lazy to put it back into the trunk. I don't blame you for trying to make those guards work as I used to to live in Bayside, and I seen the damage that these "bumper car parkers" :mad2: can do the the bumpers. Unless you have seen bumper covers in the 5 boro's and even into Nassau you just don't understand how alot of A-holes park. The covers look like they have been thru the war.

The air bag sensors are on the radiator support, so drilling in the center of the bumper should be ok. There also should be a large wiring harness halfway from the bumper reinforcement to the a/c condensor. Just becareful with the threaded rod so you don't damage the a/c condensor.
I would also think about a spacer or washers directly behind the cover so when you tighten the bolts you don't pull down the cover and warp it.

:beer: Good Luck with your project, and please post pictures showing varius steps along the way.

[OneBADLsE]

I know all about crappy lookin bumpers. I just dont even bother repainting them because, whats the point? I'll wake up tomorrow morning and there will be another mark on a freshly painted bumper. I can live with it, some cant.
http://c2.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/60/l_9c737032e0d54d36ab8f41a03cdf 2fd1.jpg (http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=viewImage&friendID=27911034&albumID=2198084&imageID=45845131#a=2198084&i=45845182)

Good luck on your project! And the golden rule...post pics!

[Stranger in the Black Sedan]

Even if you mount taxi bumperettes on your license plate screws, the impact they will take will flex the bumper which will crack the paint. Guaranteed. Stop. Just leave the car stock. If someone damages your bumpers, you are going to have to repair them no matter what. You may do more damage trying to protect them.

[Blackened300a]

I live in Queens and have had my share of morons and thier lack of parking skills. Even just yesterday some asian guy with 10 feet of room in front of him decided to back into my crown vic while pulling out of the spot. I dont care about the car so I let it go, but if in the Marauder then he would have a issue.
I already had my front bumper repainted recently and my back bumper is due as well. Its just cheaper and easier to have them sprayed then installing a bumper that kills the style and look of the car. Plus these bumper covers are very expensive to replace.

[Odinson]

Hi

Thanks for all the insight. Looks like this project may be postponed for a little while. It's raining and cold here.

Both taxi bumpers should not leave so much as one scuff on the stock bumpers. If I can't unbolt them again later without anyone knowing it's a no go. This is about protecting the bumpers, but I don't mind the look of this hardware. In fact I kinda like the mad max look to bumper hardware/push bars etc in general.

Some people here talk about the crown vic effect of the MM's, well in NY there is a second effect for the 03s. The Black car effect. I traded in a black 99 grand marquis (my last car) for the MM. I would get hailed in Manhattan all the time. Strangely, these bumpers may actually add to my stealth around here. If a cop spots you but doesn't get a good look, you can round the corner and disappear in a sea of yellow and black ford variants.

As for the front bumper plate, I agree that simple screwing anything rigid to the plastic will risk a tear in an otherwise minimal crash. That's why I want to drill the holes through the insert. Now that I'm pretty sure there are no sensors there, I'll just run long bolts or threads with washers from behind the insert, right out the front of the bumper. I'll tighten but not crank down, so the plastic will just float around the bolts. If there is an impact with significant shear on the bumper plate, the bolts will push against their holes in the bumper insert and simply snap and the bumper plate will fall off.

As for metal of the taxi bumpers rubbing on the plastic, I will be cutting and gluing/screwing rubber to the metal surfaces facing the car.

I guess I just watched one too many dukes of hazard episodes as a kid. :)

[Odinson]

A pile of pictures is worth a thousand words.

http://www.warcloud.net/~odinson/MM-CT/ (http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/)

Here is the result...

http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/P1030226.JPG



I'll post the back bumper as soon as I can do it...

[Hadamustang1]

Hey nice Vic..in the last pic..

[Bigdogjim]

That does look all that bad and I know how rough NYC drivers can be.

Nice work:up:

[Odinson]

Those earlier pictures don't really do it justice. It actually looks pretty mean. I lucked out and got the perfect spot/weather to take a better one. Too bad the reflections contest is over.

It's a good shot because you can see what happens to unprotected bumpers if you zoom in on the background.

http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/medium/Reflections-front-bumper.jpg
http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/slides/Reflections-front-bumper.html
In case anyone is interested, I picked this up at ABC meter shop in Astoria. You may have to call, I don't think they do Internet. They are the only ones who have rear bumpers that hook up under the bumper. I think I can rig them up without drilling the cover. Everything else requires drilling two big old holes in the back bumper. Not gunna happen. I did drill the holes in the front bumper for this one, but they are entirely covered by the stock front licence plate frame as seen in P1030043.JPG.

BTW if you try this you will need that P/N 40216 INCO drill bit I pictured. It's a $38 buck solid carbide bit, but anything else on a hand drill just polishes the stainless steel bumper insert you need to drill through.

Bigdogjim, I'm glad there is at least one other person on earth that sees Victory Motorcycles and Mercury Marauders as the only obvious combination! :burnout:

[nypacvpi]

Those earlier pictures don't really do it justice. It actually looks pretty mean. I lucked out and got the perfect spot/weather to take a better one. Too bad the reflections contest is over.

It's a good shot because you can see what happens to unprotected bumpers if you zoom in on the background.

http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/medium/Reflections-front-bumper.jpg
http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/slides/Reflections-front-bumper.html
In case anyone is interested, I picked this up at ABC meter shop in Astoria. You may have to call, I don't think they do Internet. They are the only ones who have rear bumpers that hook up under the bumper. I think I can rig them up without drilling the cover. Everything else requires drilling two big old holes in the back bumper. Not gunna happen. I did drill the holes in the front bumper for this one, but they are entirely covered by the stock front licence plate frame as seen in P1030043.JPG.

BTW if you try this you will need that P/N 40216 INCO drill bit I pictured. It's a $38 buck solid carbide bit, but anything else on a hand drill just polishes the stainless steel bumper insert you need to drill through.

Bigdogjim, I'm glad there is at least one other person on earth that sees Victory Motorcycles and Mercury Marauders as the only obvious combination! :burnout:

About the ABC Meter Shop in Astoria: I checked it out online. No website, like you said. I'm upstate and I don't have the patience (or time) to drive into the city.

I finally - after months of searching - came across a place that sells these parts online and ships throughout the U.S. instead of just inside of NYC. http://www.taxidepot.com/servlet/the-Taxi-Accessories/Categories (http://www.taxidepot.com/servlet/the-Taxi-Accessories/Categories)

It looks like even the same small front bumper as what you got. I'm interested in the rear one. I've been looking for a rear bumper like this since I got my car over a year ago.

I'm excited!

Thanks for renewing my inspiration!

[rayjay]

That really doesn't look bad. My exwife's family drove beaters at home (Brooklyn) and kept their good cars at their Catskill's weekend home. After visiting them in Brooklyn I understood why. :shake:

[Odinson]

"Thanks for renewing my inspiration!"

My pleasure. Just for that I'll share my lame mock up of what I'd like to do. I think the rear guard will look better with just the lower crossbar intact if I can I'd like to cut the upper crossbar out completely.

http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/rear-bumper-t4.JPG
Not that I know when I'll have the time to actually do this.

If you install the rear guard please share pics. I'd love to know if looks good unmodded.

[nypacvpi]

I've seen taxis with a setup like you photoshopped. I think they look good, but I know they drilled the hell out of their bumpers to install those blocks. I want my bars for function, not just look.

As a volunteer with the fire department, and someone who spends a lot of time on the highways driving, I'm a bit paranoid about getting rear-ended (especially since Panther-platform cars have a tendency to ignite and/or explode).

I'll definitely put up pics when I'm done.

Here's a stock-photo for reference (I know it doesn't count).

http://www.taxidepot.com/catalog/j03R.jpg

[Odinson]

My non-liable unprofessional, uninformed, stupid (don't listen to me) opinion.

"I've seen taxis with a setup like you photoshopped. I think they look good, but I know they drilled the hell out of their bumpers to install those blocks. I want my bars for function, not just look."

My goal is to be able to protect the finish on the bumpers in such a way that I can superficially reverse the whole thing as if the bumper guards where never on. No way does the rear bumper cover get drilled. I currently plan to drill after removing the bumper cover. Not sure if it was clear, (as I think it will hide well in real life too), but I intend to leave the bottom crossbar intact. Just a mechanical reality of not drilling the cover.

Honestly those taxi guards do provide a little more protection in a crash but won't do anything if you hit something hard enough that the bumper pillars give. (as they are designed to) So if you want to make a difference in the demolition derby specs of the car, you should go with the hitch in the back and push bars in the front, or reinforce the bumper pillars if you don't want to change the look of the car.

I was thinking one could simply put a appropriate length of pipe inside the hollow section of the bumper pillars. Totally invisible but effective with the taxi guards to push the damage threshold to say 15 or 20 miles an hour from my observed 10(in the rear) . But with that with the taxi guards will make the car more resistant to damage on impact, BUT it will increase your risk of injury in a heavy accident.

In my non-liable unprofessional, uninformed, stupid (don't listen to me) opinion, since this is 5 star crash test ratings car all around it extremely unlikely that you will get significantly more hurt if the car hits something and you've done something that makes the bumpers give less.

Remember that the whole reason modern cars seem crappy and weak in accidents is because they are designed to fail and fold so you feel like you're in giant fluffy pillow when you slam your 2 tons of steel into something. Keep in mind that such a change (like the hitch and push bars) or bumper inserts reinforcement will only protect the car from damage. It will not protect you from a high speed change in direction and the injury it may cause.

BTW if anyone thinks of trying any of this stuff, don't! It's just theory and a bad theory at that.

[PRCARGUY]

[quote=Odinson;732383]A pile of pictures is worth a thousand words.

http://www.warcloud.net/~odinson/MM-CT/ (http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/)

Here is the result...

http://www.warcloud.net/%7Eodinson/MM-CT/P1030226.JPG




I get up to the NYC alot and my bumpers show it.:mad2:I like what you came up with there. :up:

[justbob]

paints cheap. That car screams crown vic now.

Besides those do nothing for the other 90% of the bumper.

[nypacvpi]

My non-liable unprofessional, uninformed, stupid (don't listen to me) opinion.

"I've seen taxis with a setup like you photoshopped. I think they look good, but I know they drilled the hell out of their bumpers to install those blocks. I want my bars for function, not just look."

My goal is to be able to protect the finish on the bumpers in such a way that I can superficially reverse the whole thing as if the bumper guards where never on. No way does the rear bumper cover get drilled. I currently plan to drill after removing the bumper cover. Not sure if it was clear, (as I think it will hide well in real life too), but I intend to leave the bottom crossbar intact. Just a mechanical reality of not drilling the cover.

Honestly those taxi guards do provide a little more protection in a crash but won't do anything if you hit something hard enough that the bumper pillars give. (as they are designed to) So if you want to make a difference in the demolition derby specs of the car, you should go with the hitch in the back and push bars in the front, or reinforce the bumper pillars if you don't want to change the look of the car.

I was thinking one could simply put a appropriate length of pipe inside the hollow section of the bumper pillars. Totally invisible but effective with the taxi guards to push the damage threshold to say 15 or 20 miles an hour from my observed 10(in the rear) . But with that with the taxi guards will make the car more resistant to damage on impact, BUT it will increase your risk of injury in a heavy accident.

In my non-liable unprofessional, uninformed, stupid (don't listen to me) opinion, since this is 5 star crash test ratings car all around it extremely unlikely that you will get significantly more hurt if the car hits something and you've done something that makes the bumpers give less.

Remember that the whole reason modern cars seem crappy and weak in accidents is because they are designed to fail and fold so you feel like you're in giant fluffy pillow when you slam your 2 tons of steel into something. Keep in mind that such a change (like the hitch and push bars) or bumper inserts reinforcement will only protect the car from damage. It will not protect you from a high speed change in direction and the injury it may cause.

BTW if anyone thinks of trying any of this stuff, don't! It's just theory and a bad theory at that.


I know the deal with folding and safety. My problem is with the location of the fuel tank. Panther vehicles have a relatively significant probability of burning after a rear-end impact. It's like a slightly safer Pinto.

Ideally, I would like to find a way to have both a hitch and the rear bumper (both for function, as well as look, and added bumper protection).

I'm willing to risk a little whiplash in return for preventing a fiery death.

I've considered frame reinforcements - I've seen other cars that had them done. I like the idea, but I understand that, in a wreck significant enough to damage the frame of the car, I would rather allow the crush-zones to function as they are designed than to risk ruining that. Push bumpers, on the other hand, are tested in crashes and are quite effective. Go-Rhino has even run a video campaign in the past with a police officer's testimony of how his front push bumper basically saved his life when he hit a deer at 80mph...