Hack Goby
01-28-2009, 08:53 AM
When I got home last
night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I
took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
**** ****************************** **
My wife and I are watching
Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said,"Do
you want to have sex?
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that
your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then
the fight started....
****************************** ***********
After retiring, I went
to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's
license to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later,
The woman
said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got
home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security
office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten
Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
****************************** *****************
Saturday morning I got
up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped
quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.
The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
I cuddled up to
my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The
weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 30 years replied, 'Can
you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?'
And that's
how the fight started ...
****
****************************** **************
My wife and I were sitting
at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife
asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many &
years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says
my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
****************************** ***************
I rear-ended a car this
morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other
driver got out
of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo
stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at
me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
So, I looked down at him
and said, 'Well, then, which one are you?'
And then the fight
started.....
**** ****************************** ***************
I
took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order
first.
'I'll have the strip steak, rare, please.'
He said,
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for
herself.'
And then the fight started.....
****************************** ****************
A woman is standing nude,
looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and
says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your
eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....
night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
So, I
took her to a gas station.....
And then the fight started....
**** ****************************** **
My wife and I are watching
Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said,"Do
you want to have sex?
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that
your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
"Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then
the fight started....
****************************** ***********
After retiring, I went
to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security.
The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's
license to verify
my age.
I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later,
The woman
said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me'
And she processed my Social Security application.
When I got
home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security
office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have
gotten
Disability, too'
And then the fight started.....
****
****************************** *****************
Saturday morning I got
up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped
quietly into the garage .
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.
The wind was
blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the
house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
I cuddled up to
my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The
weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 30 years replied, 'Can
you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?'
And that's
how the fight started ...
****
****************************** **************
My wife and I were sitting
at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife
asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend. I
understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many &
years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says
my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started.....
****
****************************** ***************
I rear-ended a car this
morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other
driver got out
of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo
stressed and little things
just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at
me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'
So, I looked down at him
and said, 'Well, then, which one are you?'
And then the fight
started.....
**** ****************************** ***************
I
took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order
first.
'I'll have the strip steak, rare, please.'
He said,
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for
herself.'
And then the fight started.....
****************************** ****************
A woman is standing nude,
looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and
says to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really
need you to pay me a
compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your
eyesight's darn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....