View Full Version : I am such a dumbass!
I was out takin care o' business a while ago in the torrential downpour we got hit with, and cruised onto Langley AFB (air force base). Gate guard gave me props on the Marauder(guy with gun said nice ride), although I don't know how he could even see it what with all the trash cans, children, and small animals being hurtled past in the storm. Anyway, I do what I needed to do, then swing by the base min-mart because the M-ride was bingo on Jesus Juice (the Marauder was low on gas). I also pick up a Jimmy Dean Breakfast Entree for dinner (breakfast entree), cause Amy is out with her little hottie college girlfriends (Amy is in class tonight)and left me to forage and fend for myself. So I get home with the grub. Microwavable sausage/egg/cheese in one part, homefried potato chunks in one part, then apple chunks (with cinnimon sauce, SCORE!) in the third section. I throw some extra cheese over the eggy section and toss that biotch in the microwave. While it's cookin', I'm on here making fun of Mrs. Denmark (and pretty much everyone else) and smelling that sweet, sweet aroma that only pre-processed food scorched in plastic can produce. DING! Fries are done! I run in there, tear off the plastic, pour katsup and pepper all over the potatos, and run back in here to see what part of my anatomy Phrog gunner is talking about now, and start shoveling eggs down my piehole. YUMS! Finished them, then I get a big spoonfull of the katsup covered potatos and YU.....what the ****?! These are the WORST tasting potatos EVER I think to myself. Was the katsup feeling "not so fresh"? Did I grab the cat-**** dispenser instead of the pepper grinder? No, my dumbass just ate a big mouthfull of katsup and pepper covered apple chunks (with cinnimon sauce, SCORE!). :puke: Jimmy Dean can kiss my ass for making a food container that someone with my superier entellajance managed to jack up. How are average folks (like SB owners) supposed to eat it properly if I can't? I'm going to call his ass...
ImpalaSlayer
07-29-2009, 04:59 PM
:rofl: :laugh:
sd8683
07-29-2009, 05:04 PM
What?! You don't normally put ketchup on your apples :eek: Just kidding! That's why I believe no one under the age of 10 should use ketchup!
Real funny, people. The CBT didn't get dessert. Unless you count plain potato chunks. :( But that's okay, I pranked someone earlier today, and it was so funny, the laughter is filling the hole (stand down, Phrog!) where my cinniminny applley chunks should be.
justbob
07-29-2009, 05:17 PM
Man I love your stories!!!! This was almost as good as the adventures of Halas the cat! Thanks, I needed the laughter!
Bluerauder
07-29-2009, 05:21 PM
Well there goes your Multi-Tasking Microwave Merit badge for the BSA. :P
The boys in downtown Phoebus would be proud. :rofl:
EPIC FAIL
:shake: :shake:
Egon Spengler
07-29-2009, 06:03 PM
Good one... I will not make any fun eventhough you set yourself up for it a couple of times! I hate fending for myself! haha
Blackmobile
07-29-2009, 06:12 PM
I read that out loud to my other half......she's still LOL!
Ed
justbob
07-29-2009, 06:15 PM
Me to, she always enjoys the CBT stories!
Krytin
07-29-2009, 06:19 PM
You.
You are good!
You got some kinda gift there!
Badger
07-30-2009, 07:31 AM
And they let you drive on base???! :D
And they let you drive on base???! :D
Oh yeah. All the bases around here get Marauder-ized by me, and there are a lot of bases. The most that will happen is you get a warning, second offense is banned from driving on base for a while, scrape your stickers. My 'vette was banned from Norfolk Naval Base years ago. About 2 years ago I tried to race the Chief Of Police on Norfolk Naval, we were side by side at a light, me in my blue, him in his silver birch. He didn't wanna step to this. :D I posted that story. Langley has a Jersey Circle for no appearant reason other than for me to power slide around it every time I go on base. REAL fun yesterday in the flashflood we had. Also, one of the roads goes all the way around the gigantic landing strips. It's posted 35 but you can see forever so I let it all hang out, it's like my own personal road rally stretch. I own the asphalt 'round here. :burnout:
Egon Spengler
07-30-2009, 08:26 AM
What do you do on these bases... cruise for chi... err dudes?
Oh yeah. All the bases around here get Marauder-ized by me, and there are a lot of bases. The most that will happen is you get a warning, second offense is banned from driving on base for a while, scrape your stickers. My 'vette was banned from Norfolk Naval Base years ago. About 2 years ago I tried to race the Chief Of Police on Norfolk Naval, we were side by side at a light, me in my blue, him in his silver birch. He didn't wanna step to this. :D I posted that story. Langley has a Jersey Circle for no appearant reason other than for me to power slide around it every time I go on base. REAL fun yesterday in the flashflood we had. Also, one of the roads goes all the way around the gigantic landing strips. It's posted 35 but you can see forever so I let it all hang out, it's like my own personal road rally stretch. I own the asphalt 'round here. :burnout:
What do you do on these bases... cruise for chi... err dudes?
Different stuff. :D
Phrog_gunner
07-30-2009, 08:45 AM
I know Im jumping in a little late here, but I think Jimmy dean was racially profiling you when he put the apples on that side of the tray...we should egg his house...and then sue....
I know Im jumping in a little late here, but I think Jimmy dean was racially profiling you when he put the apples on that side of the tray...we should egg his house...and then sue....
I'll make him a sausage breakfast he'll never ****ing forget!!!
Phrog_gunner
07-30-2009, 08:52 AM
I'll make him a sausage breakfast he'll never ****ing forget!!!
Did you hear about the guy in SC who got arrested for doing it with a horse, AGAIN....The horse already had a restraining order on the guy...apparently that didnt keep him away.
Did you hear about the guy in SC who got arrested for doing it with a horse, AGAIN....The horse already had a restraining order on the guy...apparently that didnt keep him away.
Yeah that story was sad up until I read the the part where it said the only other arrest on record for 'buggery' was waaaaaaay back 2 years ago. By the same guy. That's when I started laughing.
Phrog_gunner
07-30-2009, 09:04 AM
He got caught humping the same horse as 2 yrs ago...this time they caught him on tape....
He got caught humping the same horse as 2 yrs ago...this time they caught him on tape....
I like the part where he puts on his seat belt and wipes the dust off the horses ass before he unleashes the fury.
Stranger in the Black Sedan
07-30-2009, 10:00 AM
^^lol I get the reference. Very nice.
^^lol I get the reference. Very nice.
I try. ;) I don't think tj caught it yet. Or if he did he can't figure out what line from Ghostbusters to use, muhahahahaaaa...
Egon Spengler
07-30-2009, 10:06 AM
Went out to get lunch... I was wondering if that was directed towards me! haha
"It's always the quiet ones" Ghostbusters II
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