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CBT
02-18-2010, 12:07 PM
Well I posted the last one for critique, here's the next. Comments welcomed as always!



The assassination of Mahmoud Al-Mabhouh

On Jan 20th, 2010 a top official in Hamas by the name of Mahmoud Al-Mabhouh was killed in Dubai, UAE. Hamas has accused Israel’s secret service Mossad of orchestrating the attack. Israeli response to these accusations is the same as it always is: Israel never responds, never confirms, and never denies that they track down terrorists and break it off in their asses.

Let’s go back in history and try to understand why Israel is so quick to call down the thunder with the realness on fake assed Ninjas when they are messed with. First, the Egyptians had them all making bricks a couple thousand years ago, and that did not sit well with Moses. So, he picked up his snake stick and said “We don’t have to leave, but we can’t stayeth here.” , and led them out of that area, and the long version can be found in the Book of Exodus, I need to keep this story to two pages.

Flash forward to 1948, the State of Israel was born. (Good job, Moses!) Things were relatively peaceful in and around Israel, despite the Muslims constantly badgering the Israeli’s that they "need to get the Hell out of Jerusalem". The Islamic claim to Jerusalem is redonkulous. They claim Muhammad flew from Mecca on a magic horse on his way to Heaven, and made a brief pit-stop in Jerusalem, and therefore it is holy to the Muslims. We all know this is fake because winged horses overslept and didn’t make in to the Ark in time for departure. Plus, there were no mosques in Jerusalem in 632 C.E. at the time of Muhammad’s death. Jerusalem was at that time a Christian occupied city. They would have picked up on a flying horse entering their airspace and scrambled the “Alert Camels” and laid down a good old fashioned air to air Judeo-Christian welcome.

Moving on, now it is May 1967. Israel is surrounded by the mobilized armies of Syria, Lebanon, Egypt, and Jordan. (Picture Mayberry surrounded by Compton, Oakland, Detroit, and the ATL.) While they are all bouncing up and down in their low riders and talkin’ **** about who is going to be first in line when they do this drive by, Israel broke out the Dead Sea Scroll of Whoop Ass and broke the seal, biblical style. They preemptively struck, destroying almost all of the Egyptian air force while it was on the ground. Then they turned east and destroyed the Jordanian air force, (proving Air Jordans ain’t all that.) followed by the Syrian air force. But wait! There’s more! In an incredible act of accidental stupidity, Iraq stuck its head out of the trailer and asked “Wassaaaaaaaaaaaap?”, and promptly had their air force smashed as well. Then the REAL ass kicking started. The Israeli ground forces (not to be out done by fighter jocks with cool nick names like Kosher and Shlomo) took a drag off of their cigarette, said “call”, threw down a Royal Flush, and proceeded to scoop the Sinai Peninsula, the Gaza Strip, the West Bank, eastern Jerusalem, and the Golan Heights off the poker table. Then, they punched the dealer in the face just for dramatic affect and walked away. Israel not only threw 5 countries a beating at the same time, they took away their toys before they kicked them out of the sandbox. All this happened in 6 days. On the 7th day, they rested, in accordance with prophecy.

Now it’s 1972. Munich, Germany. Islamic extremist members of Black September, a faction of the PLO, take members of the Israeli Olympic team hostage, and killed 11 of them before the ordeal was over. After only 3 days of everyone else in the world trying to figure out who was behind it and what actions were going to be taken, Israel said “screw this” and bombed Syria and Lebanon. That was just to let off some steam before the actual retaliation started. 40 days later, 35 terrorists suspected of having anything to do with the Munich Massacre started dying of mysterious causes like receiving 18 gunshot wounds in a hotel lobby, bomb-rigged telephones taking their heads off when they answered a ringing phone, and explosives laden vehicles spontaneously detonating when one of them happened to walk by.
The name of the operation alone spelled epic win, it was called Operation Wrath of God. Yeeeeaaaaaaah, booooooooyeeeeee!! Supposedly, the operation was run by Mossad’s assassination unit, the Kidon. Kidon is Hebrew for “Bayonet”. So basically, the Wrath of God is being carried out by bayonet. Yeah, that’s how they roll. It wouldn’t surprise me if they all drove Marauders, that’s about the only vehicle that can contain the awesome amount of bad assery possessed by a Mossad agent. So it would not surprise me to learn that Mossad is in fact behind the assassination of this scumbag terrorist. I hope when they killed him they quoted some awesome **** from scriptures like “Vengeance is mine; I will repay; sayeth the Lord. Romans 12:19, BIAAAAAATCH!!!”
There are 2 great movies that cover everything I’ve mentioned; The Ten Commandments, starring Moses, and Munich, starring Eric Bana. Also, you can read the bible, there is more killing and more cursing in that than in my story, though, so be warned.

Mr. Man
02-18-2010, 02:35 PM
Do you go to 'HIGH TIMES U'?

Paul T. Casey
02-18-2010, 03:01 PM
. It wouldn’t surprise me if they all drove Marauders, that’s about the only vehicle that can contain the awesome amount of bad assery possessed by a Mossad agent.

This alone is worth a solid "B". Combine it with the rest and I give you a carryover A. A carry over A gets you an A the next semster without turning anything in. Awesome job!!

Hacklemerc
02-18-2010, 04:10 PM
Nice, very nice. I may borrow that when I go back to school.

Zack
02-18-2010, 04:20 PM
Simply beautiful.

CBT
02-18-2010, 05:22 PM
Do you go to 'HIGH TIMES U'?

No, but I do happen to own a flawless mint condition very first issue of High Times. :cool:

PurdueRifleman
02-18-2010, 05:33 PM
I love these critique my work threads on various forums partially because they give me ideas for my own writings and partially because every now and then I get to pick apart someone's work by showing their logical flaws and improper use of rhetoric and/or grammar. In the case of the latter, this is not one of those times.

To me, this reads very much like a cracked.com piece which is a form that is well suited to explaining things in a (to put it mildly) humorous manner. All this one would need is a few more f-bombs and I'm sure it would find a home there! In other words, I liked it. It's not just for the content, but you get an A+ for style. My favorite part is the authority in which it is written and the hyperbole employed.

But this wouldn't be a proper critique of mine if I couldn't find something to gripe about. In this case, it is your use of numbers. Generally, all whole numbers less than 100 are spelled-out and a sentence should never be started out with a written numeral.

Overall, I would give this a solid B+ for grammar and a solid A for content and style.

CBT
02-18-2010, 05:39 PM
Generally, all whole numbers less than 100 are spelled-out and a sentence should never be started out with a written numeral.


Thanks!:beer: Which part tho for the number thing you mentioned? Can you change what I did to how you would do it so I can see it?

PurdueRifleman
02-18-2010, 05:51 PM
An excerpt from your essay:

After only 3 days of everyone else in the world trying to figure out who was behind it and what actions were going to be taken, Israel said “screw this” and bombed Syria and Lebanon. That was just to let off some steam before the actual retaliation started. 40 days later, 35 terrorists suspected of having anything to do with the Munich Massacre started dying of mysterious causes like receiving 18 gunshot wounds in a hotel lobby, bomb-rigged telephones taking their heads off when they answered a ringing phone, and explosives laden vehicles spontaneously detonating when one of them happened to walk by.

How I would fix the numbers (bold/red).

After only three days of everyone else in the world trying to figure out who was behind it and what actions were going to be taken, Israel said, “screw this,” and bombed Syria and Lebanon. That was just to let off some steam before the actual retaliation started. Forty days later, thirty-five terrorists suspected of having anything to do with the Munich Massacre started dying of mysterious causes like receiving eighteen gunshot wounds in a hotel lobby, bomb-rigged telephones taking their heads off when they answered a ringing phone, and explosives laden vehicles spontaneously detonating when one of them happened to walk by.

Again, great work :beer:

Mr. Man
02-18-2010, 05:56 PM
How'd you do on the last paper Casey? The one about Marauders

CBT
02-18-2010, 05:57 PM
Ahhhh, now i get. Sweet, i'll do it from now now. We'll see if she pops me for it. She's pretty brutal, but what heck, that's what they pay her for.



An excerpt from your essay:


How I would fix the numbers (bold/red).

After only three days of everyone else in the world trying to figure out who was behind it and what actions were going to be taken, Israel said, “screw this,” and bombed Syria and Lebanon. That was just to let off some steam before the actual retaliation started. Forty days later, thirty-five terrorists suspected of having anything to do with the Munich Massacre started dying of mysterious causes like receiving eighteen gunshot wounds in a hotel lobby, bomb-rigged telephones taking their heads off when they answered a ringing phone, and explosives laden vehicles spontaneously detonating when one of them happened to walk by.

Again, great work :beer:

CBT
02-18-2010, 06:05 PM
How'd you do on the last paper Casey? The one about Marauders

The way she does the grading is like this: You write something (in this case it was a definition paper defining "what makes a car rare?") and turn it in. She shreds it because she has a Masters in shredding work that noobs turn in. We make corrections, turn it BACK in, and then we get graded. So I got it back tonight, have to tweak what she caught. I used site instead of cite, had a comma where I didn't need one, and she wants me to CITE, lol, where I got the "Mustang power wrapped in Lincoln luxury" from. Someone on here actually said it, not Ford. She did not mention Rusty Trombone or Angry Dragon, muahahaaa.

BobC
02-18-2010, 06:14 PM
You forgot to mention whether or not the Mossad Mirandized anyone... :shot:

musclemerc
02-18-2010, 06:17 PM
You have a special way of getting your point across! Definately a WIN!

LANDY
02-18-2010, 06:19 PM
that is frigging awsome CBT. a WIN fosho

CBT
02-18-2010, 06:24 PM
You forgot to mention whether or not the Mossad Mirandized anyone... :shot:

Yeah right! Seriously, I have been to Israel 6 times maybe more. Beautiful place, the history is...well I mean it's Israel! It IS history, so for me being a history buff I loved it. Was always treated well. What I like about Israel is they do not force their religion on anyone. Anyone of any faith can visit, they do not care, just don't be a hater while you are praying to whatever your God happens to be while you are there. They are a small nation surrounded by knuckleheads who for some reason feel the need to poke them with a stick every now and then. And Israel just does not stand for that horse****z, period. I honestly think if the 9/11 highjackers have done the same thing, except to Israel, Israel would have nuked all their neighbors and been done with it.

fastblackmerc
02-18-2010, 06:57 PM
FYI....

Munich is a remake of Sword of Gideon.

Sword of Gideon is a 1986 film about Mossad agents hunting down terrorists associated with the 1972 Munich Massacre in Operation Wrath of God. It was first shown on the CTV network in Canada as a four hour miniseries and later on the HBO television network. Directed by Michael Anderson and written by Chris Bryant, the film stars Steven Bauer and Michael York. The film is based on the book Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team by George Jonas, an account of the incident which has been criticized by some intelligence personnel as fictional, though because of its covert nature is difficult to prove or disprove. In some countries the book was titled Vengeance: Sword of Gideon, from which the movie title is drawn. The story was retold in the 2005 film Munich by Steven Spielberg.

CBT
02-18-2010, 07:27 PM
Going to have to scope out that book :beer:
There were scenes in Munich where the buildings and unique architecture caused me tell Amy "I've been there, but I just cannot figure out where it is." When the end credits rolled, one of the filming locations clicked: Malta! Awesome, AWESOME place!


FYI....

Munich is a remake of Sword of Gideon.

Sword of Gideon is a 1986 film about Mossad agents hunting down terrorists associated with the 1972 Munich Massacre in Operation Wrath of God. It was first shown on the CTV network in Canada as a four hour miniseries and later on the HBO television network. Directed by Michael Anderson and written by Chris Bryant, the film stars Steven Bauer and Michael York. The film is based on the book Vengeance: The True Story of an Israeli Counter-Terrorist Team by George Jonas, an account of the incident which has been criticized by some intelligence personnel as fictional, though because of its covert nature is difficult to prove or disprove. In some countries the book was titled Vengeance: Sword of Gideon, from which the movie title is drawn. The story was retold in the 2005 film Munich by Steven Spielberg.

Egon Spengler
02-18-2010, 08:00 PM
Can you please post the grades you get for this "paper" and the previous thread that you turned in? THANKS!

CBT
02-18-2010, 08:15 PM
Anything for you, sweetcheeks!:beer:


Can you please post the grades you get for this "paper" and the previous thread that you turned in? THANKS!

ImpalaSlayer
02-18-2010, 08:18 PM
Anything for you, sweetcheeks!:beer:
yeah i wana see what you got for the last one, VROOOOMMMM

Egon Spengler
02-18-2010, 08:31 PM
Thank you muffin top

Anything for you, sweetcheeks!:beer:

Mr. Man
02-18-2010, 08:34 PM
Sounds like you need footnotes to satiate your teacher:)

CBT
02-18-2010, 08:38 PM
Sounds like you need footnotes to satiate your teacher:)

I think a foot rub would do it, she talks about sex alot.

babbage
02-18-2010, 08:51 PM
The way she does the grading is like this: You write something (in this case it was a definition paper defining "what makes a car rare?") and turn it in. She shreds it because she has a Masters in shredding work that noobs turn in. We make corrections, turn it BACK in, and then we get graded. So I got it back tonight, have to tweak what she caught. I used site instead of cite, had a comma where I didn't need one, and she wants me to CITE, lol, where I got the "Mustang power wrapped in Lincoln luxury" from. Someone on here actually said it, not Ford. She did not mention Rusty Trombone or Angry Dragon, muahahaaa.

There is a correct format for on-line cited sources, bibliography etc. (just find it and use it) Seemed a bit comical. Your "wise guy" attitude bleads through, perhaps because you wanted *us* to get a giggle from it.

I always tried to write in a "formal decorum format" - you know that special format that you yourself may think is BS but one that your professor will love and most likely get you closest to the A+ -- OR IS THIS A PASS/FAIL TYPE CLASS. :rolleyes:

:D

Mr. Man
02-18-2010, 09:04 PM
I think a foot rub would do it, she talks about sex alot.


Does she talk about sex anywhere other than your mind:D

guspech750
02-18-2010, 09:49 PM
I give it a A and a pat on the back. Well writen. But its not as good as Dr Seuss!! Hes a god.

dakslim
02-19-2010, 07:21 AM
Good job, Casey. I was sweating it out during the 6 day war as I had just gotten out of the Marines in '66 and still had a year and a half to go on my 6 years.

You clould have included the " Raid on Entebbe" when they bloodied Idi Amin Dada's nose.

LordVader
02-23-2010, 02:02 PM
You know you definitely have a definitive style that is all your own. You could write comedy that's for sure.