Old fart comments

[knine]

O.K. Phyllis is due back from God's waiting room (Florida) at the end of the month. I am in need of some new old fart puns, I am out. I have used these and others, need more:

"you didn't study history, you made it"
"you social security number is 7"
"your birtstone is LAVA"
"you knew Moses....you dated his father"
"Your first car crash was swerving to avoid a T-Rex"
"that T-Rex you swerved to avoid turned out to be your pet"
"your birth date is followed by the initials B.C."
"we tried to have you carbon dated, turns out carbons younger"



Thanks for your help in advance. E. :2thumbs:

[Mr. Man]

Go to the "your mamas so......." sites. You should get what you are looking for. "Your so old you fart dust" etc......

[Egon Spengler]

"You know what is older than ( )? DIRT"

[SILVERSURFER03]

"You know what is older than ( )? DIRT"


knine ..... did i get it right

[SILVERSURFER03]

when god said let there be light ... you flipped the switch

[Egon Spengler]

You were there when Eve ate the poison apple and said "you stupid b****"

[LordVader]

You're so old, you have a picture of Moses in your yearbook.

You're so old, when Moses split the Red Sea, you were on the other side fishing.

You're so old, Jesus autographed your Bible.

[Egon Spengler]

I haven't seen you laugh that hard since the time you fell off your dinosaur!

[Mac-MerC]

your so old u fart dust?.......

[jerrym3]

You still look at younger men/women, but you can't remember why.

You finally admit to being bi-sexual. (If you can't get it for free, you'll buy it.)

[Bluerauder]

You Know You're Getting Old When...

"Getting a little action" means you don't need to take a laxative.

Adult diapers are actually kind of convenient.

All of your favorite movies are now re-released in color.

At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

Everything hurts and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work.

In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

No one expects you to run into a burning building.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

Someone compliments you on your layered look.... and you're wearing a bikini.

The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

The clothes you've put away until they come back in style... come back in style.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

The little gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

The twinkle in your eye is only the reflection of the sun on your bifocals.

There's nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won't wear out.

When getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

When happy hour is a nap.

When tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

When you are cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.

When you don't care where your wife goes, just so you don't have to go along.

When you have a choice of two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home earlier.

When you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

When you stop buying green bananas.

When you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

When you were in school there was no history class!

When your birth certificate says expired on it.

When you're told to act your own age, and you die.

You and your teeth don't sleep together.

You are 17 around the neck, 42 around the waist, 96 around the golf course.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."

[guspech750]

Really. How loud was the big bang?

[knine]

:lol: Good material, keep it coming. E.

[SC Cheesehead]

You're so old, they canceled your blood type.

You're so old that when you were growing up, the Dead Sea was only sick.

You're so old that when you order a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?

[CBT]

You're so old, they canceled your blood type.

You're so old that when you were growing up, the Dead Sea was only sick.

You're so old that when you order a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was?

Oye! That's the harshest yet, lol.

[CBT]

Really. How loud was the big bang?
Should I say it?:D

[Mr. Man]

Should I say it?:D
BOOM.......Groan:shake::P

[guspech750]

Should I say it?:D
Thats what she said!!!!:banana2:

[Green96]

"The dealership called..your white Buick with powder blue interior is in"

[Phrog_gunner]

Should I say it?:D


Thats what she said!!!!:banana2:



You are so old, you were there the first time she said it.

[CBT]

You are so old, you were there the first time she said it.
Now that's old!

[dakslim]

What's better than....um, never mind. Now that's old!:eek: I'm still sexy though.;)

[CBT]

What's better than....um, never mind. Now that's old!:eek: I'm still sexy though.;)
Tulips! Smash boom pow groan!

[Phrog_gunner]

Tulips! Smash boom pow groan!

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:196uB5NATCSnvM:ht tp://www.ozoux.com/eclectic/archive/2006/06/13/images/batman.jpg

[dakslim]

Geezer gang, wake up!:sleepy:

[Phrog_gunner]

If you use the little letters the geezers can't read it and we can talk about them.

[dakslim]

If you use the little letters the geezers can't read it and we can talk about them.

Ha, ha...the joke's on you. I know how to make the letters bigger!:beer:

[Haggis]

Your so old Rex and Phil fought over you at the prom.

[CBT]

Your so old Rex and Phil fought over you at the prom.
Doooooooh!

[Haggis]

Doooooooh!

I'm waiting for the response.

[SC Cheesehead]

Your so old Rex and Phil fought over you at the prom.

DOH!

http://stephenchukumba.files.wordpres s.com/2009/09/homer-simpson-chocking-bart-1.jpg

[CBT]

I'm waiting for the response.
That what she said?

[SC Cheesehead]

I'm waiting for the response.

"Hey boys, new in town?"

http://hookermugs.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/prostitute-mugshots-16.jpg

[Phrog_gunner]

Rex and Phil cruise the nursing home to pick up on younger chicks.

[Haggis]

"Hey boys, new in town?"

http://hookermugs.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/prostitute-mugshots-16.jpg

Was that your date Rex?

[SC Cheesehead]

Rex and Phil cruise the nursing home to pick up on younger chicks.

We likes younger wimmen...

http://atticannie.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/maxine1.jpg

[prchrman]

You talk of "Ole Arthur" more than "Ole Flames"

[SC Cheesehead]

You talk of "Ole Arthur" more than "Ole Flames"

True, that!

[dakslim]

I'm waiting for the response.

At least I don't wear a plaid skirt!:puke:

[Haggis]

At least I don't wear a plaid skirt!:puke:

Jealous?

At least I did not date Wilma Flintstone's Grandmother.

[bawazir]

Jealous?

At least I did not date Wilma Flintstone's Grandmother.

yap you end marrying her instead

[Haggis]

yap you end marrying her instead

Don't you owe someone $7.

[bawazir]

Don't you owe someone $7.

ooh you want to play rough

M59I8eShAr8

ok I play rough

[CBT]

In before the smackdown lockdown.

[Egon Spengler]

In before the Vacation...

[CBT]

In before the Vacation...

Back in but out before tj's vacation.

[Egon Spengler]

Back in but out before tj's vacation.
What did I do? Plus I am a supporting member... so get to steppin!

[CBT]

What did I do? Plus I am a supporting member... so get to steppin!
In before the steppin!

[Egon Spengler]

In before the steppin!
That's what she said....?:confused:

[Haggis]

ooh you want to play rough

M59I8eShAr8

ok I play rough

Ooooo...I am fraid of big white box......:shake:

[bawazir]

Ooooo...I am fraid of big white box......:shake:

Go buy your self an I-pad, you'll see it than

[Haggis]

Go buy your self an I-pad, you'll see it than

I do not even have a pager.

[Egon Spengler]

I do not even have a pager.
You're so old you still think a pager is state of the art technology.

[CBT]

You're so old you still think a pager is state of the art technology.
you're so old you spell old olde.

[Haggis]

You're so old you still think a pager is state of the art technology.

I'm so old a Blunderbuss is modern technology.

[SC Cheesehead]

You're so old you still think a pager is state of the art technology.

He's so old, he still thinks this is a pager...
http://www.bellhop.org/callforphillip.mp3

[bawazir]

i still page my fat big booty hoes

[Haggis]

i still page my fat big booty hoes

You mean one of these.....Hoe (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hoe_(tool))

[CBT]

I do not even have a pager.


Pagers, call 'em what you want
Some brothers some brothers wear fake ones, still tryin to flaunt
Walkin in a party, lookin like Joker
Big ole six inch garage door opener
Not me, cause my bank is set
Three dope Benzos, one Corvette
I'm not braggin or movin them thangs
Just clockin them dollars at the real estate game
(Sky Pager)
Telepage Northwest, satellite service pushed to test
Got a beep from a girl named Natalie
My memory slip, cause I need a new battery
Power on, display light's up
Incoming calls from the girls with butts
Girls call cause they might get lonely
Ha .. I run 'em like ponies
Pick 'em up, put 'em in the Benzo
I get a beep and I leave 'em in limbo
That's right I'm livin like that
What do I keep pinned to the strap

~Sir Mix-A-Lot~

[dakslim]

Pagers, call 'em what you want

Some brothers some brothers wear fake ones, still tryin to flaunt
Walkin in a party, lookin like Joker
Big ole six inch garage door opener
Not me, cause my bank is set
Three dope Benzos, one Corvette
I'm not braggin or movin them thangs
Just clockin them dollars at the real estate game
(Sky Pager)
Telepage Northwest, satellite service pushed to test
Got a beep from a girl named Natalie
My memory slip, cause I need a new battery
Power on, display light's up
Incoming calls from the girls with butts
Girls call cause they might get lonely
Ha .. I run 'em like ponies
Pick 'em up, put 'em in the Benzo
I get a beep and I leave 'em in limbo
That's right I'm livin like that
What do I keep pinned to the strap


~Sir Mix-A-Lot~


CBT wears a garage door opener on his belt...I've heard the only thing he can get up is a garage door.:P

[SC Cheesehead]

CBT wears a garage door opener on his belt...I've heard the only thing he can get up is a garage door.:P

Wait a minit, Casey's a geezer, too? :confused:

[dakslim]

Wait a minit, Casey's a geezer, too? :confused:

Yeah, but being an ex squid it takes him a while to catch on!:help:

[SC Cheesehead]

Yeah, but being an ex squid it takes him a while to catch on!:help:


Gotcha.

He ain't slow, and he ain't fast, he's....

[Egon Spengler]

He's not stung... he's not stinging... HE'S STING!

[bawazir]

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/showcase/files/7/8/6/6/Marauderhydros.jpg

[knine]

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/forums/image.php?u=11439&type=sigpic&dateline=1267668857
A legend quote a True Ride can not be no Rider without a Marauder
NO BRAKES, BUT IT'S EATONIZED :eek:


THERE, FIXED IT FOR YA

[Egon Spengler]

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/showcase/files/7/8/6/6/Marauderhydros.jpg
Really don't understand you posting pics of my car. My buddy photoshopped these pics and I found them funny and shared them... Thanks for re-posting them! I think my buddy did a pretty good photoshop as well! Glad you like it too!

[bawazir]

http://www.mercurymarauder.net/forums/image.php?u=11439&type=sigpic&dateline=1267668857
A legend quote a True Ride can not be no Rider without a Marauder
NO BRAKES, BUT IT'S EATONIZED :eek:


THERE, FIXED IT FOR YA

:lol: :lol:

[LIGHTNIN1]

Really don't understand you posting pics of my car. My buddy photoshopped these pics and I found them funny and shared them... Thanks for re-posting them! I think my buddy did a pretty good photoshop as well! Glad you like it too!

Are the windows photo shopped also? I kinda like them.

[Egon Spengler]

Are the windows photo shopped also? I kinda like them.
Yes. He photoshopped tinted windows haha... In that pic they were clear... they are 35% now...

[LIGHTNIN1]

Yes. He photoshopped tinted windows haha... In that pic they were clear... they are 35% now...

I am surprised someone has not seen someone try to do a Marauder like that. Gotta be some one somewhere. I mean we have seen the green ones,the purple ones etc.

[Egon Spengler]

I am surprised someone has not seen someone try to do a Marauder like that. Gotta be some one somewhere. I mean we have seen the green ones,the purple ones etc.
I actually thought about bagging mine! haha I think the car would look sweet d***** over those wheels sitting on the ground!

[LIGHTNIN1]

I actually thought about bagging mine! haha I think the car would look sweet d***** over those wheels sitting on the ground!

I like it and you would stand out at the shows you attend. If you do it give us some pics.

[Egon Spengler]

I like it and you would stand out at the shows you attend. If you do it give us some pics.
I wouldn't do it to a marauder. I want to buy and 80's town car and do it to that! I had a town car and wanted to do it so bad, but never got around to it before my accident

[LIGHTNIN1]

I wouldn't do it to a marauder. I want to buy and 80's town car and do it to that! I had a town car and wanted to do it so bad, but never got around to it before my accident

Gotcha. I really like those Town Cars. That is a class body style.

[Phrog_gunner]

before my accident

So that's what happened to your face?

[MERCMAN]

You bussed tables at the Last Supper

[Egon Spengler]

You're so old, that when you first started dating you clubbed a girl over the head and dragged her back to your cave

[Phrog_gunner]

You bussed tables at the Last Supper

dakslim bussed tables at the FIRST supper.

[LIGHTNIN1]

dakslim bussed tables at the FIRST supper.

Dakslim Still works for Long John Silvers.

[CBT]

dakslim bussed tables at the FIRST supper.
Ka-pow!!!!

[Egon Spengler]

Ka-pow!!!!
Dakslim created the fire to set off the big bang theory

[SC Cheesehead]

Dakslim created the fire to set off the big bang theory


Wadda ya mean? A gut full of beer 'n jalapenos from the night before, and he WAS the Big Bang! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-fart004.gif

[Egon Spengler]

Wadda ya mean? A gut full of beer 'n jalapenos from the night before, and he WAS the Big Bang! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-fart004.gif
Lightning struck his a$$ at the same time as he farted???

[SC Cheesehead]

Lightning struck his a$$ at the same time as he farted???

Yup. First bolt. Never knew what hit him...

[CBT]

I'll take "Things you may hear about dakslim backstage at a Village People concert." for 500, Alex.


Wadda ya mean? A gut full of beer 'n jalapenos from the night before, and he WAS the Big Bang! http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-fart004.gif

[LIGHTNIN1]

lightning struck his a$$ at the same time as he farted???

got that right!

[CBT]

What is it with you and mens a$$es?:D


Lightning struck his a$$ at the same time as he farted???

[Phrog_gunner]

What is it with you and mens a$$es?:D

His problem is it is men's a$$es and not his.

[Egon Spengler]

His problem is it is men's a$$es and not his.
The old man said he farted! I said he created fire...

[Haggis]

dakslim is so old that he helped Noah build the ark.

[SC Cheesehead]

dakslim is so old that he helped Noah build the ark.

He's so old, he planted the trees that Noah used to build the ark...;)

[dakslim]

That's it!!! I'm calling oldkid and we're comin' to kick all your asses!!! Even you, Rex!!!:flamer::mad2::argue:

[Egon Spengler]

Even you, Rex!!!
He is so old, he still thinks there are t-rex's roaming the earth to go after!!!

[SC Cheesehead]

He is so old, he still thinks there are t-rex's roaming the earth to go after!!!

And he would be right.... :geezer: -------> ;)

[Haggis]

That's it!!! I'm calling oldkid and we're comin' to kick all your asses!!! Even you, Rex!!!:flamer::mad2::argue:

Hey, geezer don't get caught speeding on your Rascal.

[dakslim]

Hey, geezer don't get caught speeding on your Rascal.

You musta saw the photo outside the bar.:beer:

[SC Cheesehead]

You musta saw the photo outside the bar.:beer:

The only thing Phil does fast is drink. Ask me how I know... ;)

[Haggis]

You musta saw the photo outside the bar.:beer:

:lol:

You might be senile, but you have not lost your sense of humor.

[SC Cheesehead]

:lol:

You might be senile, but you have not lost your sense of humor.

He's not senile!

BTW, who are you, and why are you here?

[Haggis]

The only thing Phil does fast is drink. Ask me how I know... ;)

Are you two doing shots of Geritol again?

[dakslim]

Are you two doing shots of Geritol again?

Heh heh, the "youts" don't know if you put a little hootch in Geritol it makes for a great drink.;)

[SC Cheesehead]

Heh heh, the "youts" don't know if you put a little hootch in Geritol it makes for a great drink.;)


Geritol Manhattans...