W4LTD
11-08-2010, 05:50 PM
>> The following questions were set in last year ' s GED examination
>> These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...
>> Q. Name the four seasons
>> A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
>> Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
>> A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
>> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
>> Q. How is dew formed
>> A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
>> Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
>> A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends
>> to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
>> nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
>> Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
>> A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
>> Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
>> A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
>> Q. What are steroids
>> A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot
>> yourself now , there is little hope)
>> Q.. What happens to your body as you age
>> A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
>> Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
>> A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
>> (So true)
>> Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
>> A. Premature death
>> Q. What is artificial insemination
>> A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
>> Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
>> A. Keep it in the cow
>> (Simple, but brilliant)
>> Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
>> A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
>> abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
>> heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
>> I,O,U.. (wtf!)
>> Q. What is the fibula?
>> A. A small lie
>> Q. What does ' varicose ' mean?
>> A. Nearby
>> Q. What is the most common form of birth control
>> A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
>> (That would work)
>> Q. Give the meaning of the term ' Caesarean section '
>> A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
>> Q. What is a seizure?
>> A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
>> Q. What is a terminal illness
>> A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
>> Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
>> A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
>> umbrellas
>> Q. Use the word ' judicious ' in a sentence to show you understand its
>> meaning
>> A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
>> (OMG)
>> Q. What does the word ' benign ' mean?
>> A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
>> Q. What is a turbine?
>> A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his he
>> These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...
>> Q. Name the four seasons
>> A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
>> Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
>> A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
>> pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
>> Q. How is dew formed
>> A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
>> Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
>> A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends
>> to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and
>> nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
>> Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
>> A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
>> Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
>> A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
>> Q. What are steroids
>> A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot
>> yourself now , there is little hope)
>> Q.. What happens to your body as you age
>> A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
>> Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
>> A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
>> (So true)
>> Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
>> A. Premature death
>> Q. What is artificial insemination
>> A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
>> Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
>> A. Keep it in the cow
>> (Simple, but brilliant)
>> Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
>> A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the
>> abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the
>> heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E,
>> I,O,U.. (wtf!)
>> Q. What is the fibula?
>> A. A small lie
>> Q. What does ' varicose ' mean?
>> A. Nearby
>> Q. What is the most common form of birth control
>> A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
>> (That would work)
>> Q. Give the meaning of the term ' Caesarean section '
>> A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
>> Q. What is a seizure?
>> A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
>> Q. What is a terminal illness
>> A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
>> Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
>> A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
>> umbrellas
>> Q. Use the word ' judicious ' in a sentence to show you understand its
>> meaning
>> A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.
>> (OMG)
>> Q. What does the word ' benign ' mean?
>> A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)
>> Q. What is a turbine?
>> A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his he