A trip To Sam's Club- Funny.

[CWright]

Yesterday I was at my local SAM'S CLUB buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends........it will be their "laugh for the day"!

[Papillon]

Yesterday I was at my local SAM'S CLUB buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when the woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so
it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore.

Better watch what you ask retired people! They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends........it will be their "laugh for the day"!


LMAOOOOO!!!!!!!!! :laugh::rofl::laugh::rofl: :laugh: :rofl:

[slickster]

So what you said was so bad that you can't shop there anymore?

[Egon Spengler]

So what you said was so bad that you can't shop there anymore?
It was a joke! He is only 37! E-mail joke...

[LJ on 24's]

:lol::lol::lol:

[Bigdogjim]

Now that brought a tear to my eye:up:

:laugh: :laugh:

[DOOM]

:rofl: :rofl:
:laugh: :laugh:
:lol: :lol:
:drink: :drink:

[Ladyhawke]

:laugh:

That's a good one.

[MOTOWN]

LMAO!!!!!! good one bud! didnt see that one coming

[Haggis]

Sorry, I heard that one before. It is somewhere in the Joke Thread.

[CWright]

This was sent to me in an email yesterday. Thought it was good enough to put out here. I hope all of you get good laugh like I did!:beer:

[Haggis]

This was sent to me in an email yesterday. Thought it was good enough to put out here. I hope all of you get good laugh like I did!:beer:

I like it, just that I heard it before. Keep them coming....:up:

[CBT]

This was sent to me in an email yesterday. Thought it was good enough to put out here. I hope all of you get good laugh like I did!:beer:
I thought it was funny! Was the Irish Setter okay after the crash? :D

[GAMike]

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner. He lives with a female
roommate, Tina.During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but
notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.

http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f509567%5fAJHu XkIAAEunTftHRA5Q3QsFPPk&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Tina came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose
she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.
" So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying
that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since
you were here for dinner.

Love,
Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Tina,
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,
she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love,
Mama

http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f509567%5fAJHu XkIAAEunTftHRA5Q3QsFPPk&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1


Moral: Never lie to your mama.

[CWright]

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son, Anthony, for dinner.He lives with a female
roommate, Tina.During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but
notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is.

http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f509567%5fAJHu XkIAAEunTftHRA5Q3QsFPPk&pid=2.2&fid=Inbox&inline=1

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Tina and I are just roommates.''

About a week later, Tina came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose
she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.
" So he sat down and wrote an email:

Dear Mama,

I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house;I'm not saying
that you "did not" take it.But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since
you were here for dinner.

Love,
Anthony

Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Tina,
and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed,
she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

Love,
Mama

http://us.mg1.mail.yahoo.com/ya/download?mid=1%5f509567%5fAJHu XkIAAEunTftHRA5Q3QsFPPk&pid=2.3&fid=Inbox&inline=1


Moral: Never lie to your mama.



:eek: BUSTED!!! :lol:

[CWright]

A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and
an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA.

There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She
wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the
big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.

In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and
got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a
local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a democrat,
and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.
The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to
go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of
Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational
area" so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to
Obama-Care they turned you down!"