PDA

View Full Version : An older mans gift to the youngins' on MM.net



Mr. Man
01-23-2013, 11:08 AM
Memorize this woman's vocabulary list. It will help you live a long happy life.:)


FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD!
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

SC Cheesehead
01-23-2013, 11:14 AM
You nailed it, bubba.... ;)

Haggis
01-23-2013, 11:20 AM
Fred, is that what Wilma taught you?

SC Cheesehead
01-23-2013, 11:34 AM
Fred, is that what Wilma taught you?


Looks that way...

http://kw53.files.wordpress.com/2010/02/fredwilma.jpg

RacerX
01-23-2013, 11:37 AM
GTFO!
This means you really f'd up and need to give her lots of space, time, apologies and gifts!

Mr. Man
01-23-2013, 11:46 AM
GTFO!
This means you really f'd up by forgetting to remove the "Not her thong panties" from your pocket and need to give her lots of space, time, apologies and gifts!
Fixed.........:D

marauder21
01-23-2013, 11:52 AM
ggeeezzz anything GOOD in here? Lmao all this tips seem to notify something bad will happen to the man

DOOM
01-23-2013, 12:01 PM
Good stuff! And so true! :lol:

Haggis
01-23-2013, 12:05 PM
Fixed.........:D

Sounds like you are talking from experience. Not with Paula of course or you would not be above ground.

Motorhead350
01-23-2013, 12:15 PM
I speak woman. Details later

J-MAN
01-23-2013, 12:23 PM
Why wasn't there a list like this forty years ago? :confused:

This should be part of a continuing series for the younger guys!

As an example:

When to lie.

I've been sitting in my recliner for the past thirty minutes ready and waiting to leave for a family picnic. My wife has just made her fourth change of outfits, is standing in doorway where she turns around and over her shoulder says "Do these pants make my ass look big?" Now truth be told the image before my eyes may look like the big screen at the local movie theater, but years of experience in these and similar matters have taught me to reply " Have you been on a diet? You really make those pants look great!"

gdmjoe
01-23-2013, 12:40 PM
The only 3 phrases a man needs to use in a discussion with a woman ... Yes dear.
You're right dear.
I'm sorry dear.

CBT
01-23-2013, 02:32 PM
What planet are you guys from where that kind of speech is normal?

Mr. Man
01-23-2013, 03:09 PM
What planet are you guys from where that kind of speech is normal?
I triple dog dare you to let Amy respond to this^^^^^^ :bs:

IwantmyMMnow!
01-23-2013, 03:18 PM
When to lie.

I've been sitting in my recliner for the past thirty minutes ready and waiting to leave for a family picnic. My wife has just made her fourth change of outfits, is standing in doorway where she turns around and over her shoulder says "Do these pants make my ass look big?" Now truth be told the image before my eyes may look like the big screen at the local movie theater, but years of experience in these and similar matters have taught me to reply " Have you been on a diet? You really make those pants look great!"


This is so true! NEVER, never, never, never, neeeh vahhh, reply with:


"No, your ass makes your ass look big".....

:lol:

SC Cheesehead
01-23-2013, 04:42 PM
The only 3 phrases a man needs to use in a discussion with a woman ...

Yes dear.
You're right dear.
I'm sorry dear.



BINGO!!! :up:

RF Overlord
01-23-2013, 05:45 PM
On one episode of Ice Road Truckers, when they were in India, Lisa's rather large spotter asker her if his black t-shirt made him look fat. Lisa said: "No. Your FAT makes you look fat."

Dayum.

Motorhead350
01-24-2013, 09:23 PM
Terms in woman and definitions 101.

Are you cold? = I'm cold. a.k.a. turn the heat up.

Are you hungry? = I'm hungry. aka it's time to eat.

It's hot in here. = Turn the fan on.

How long is this movie? = I'm not enjoying this.

Don't make me choose. = I've had a bad day and doing any further thinking will make things worse.

We need to clean the house. = You need to clean the house.

The garbage needs to go out. = You need to take the garbage out now while I post cat pictures on facebook.

I get nervous driving when you are riding with me. = You notice everything I do wrong and I don't want to hear about it.

I'm going to bed. = Cuttle with me.

Why am I so fat? = Say something good about me or you're doing it yourself tonight.

I'm going to target. = Our bank account is about to be overdrawn.

We need another cat. = If we don't get a cat, I am going off birth control.

There is nothing to do. = I want to go shopping.

Can you please sort out the laundry? = I organize enough of your stuff for you already.

I want ice cream! = I am so depressed!

I have a surprise for you. = We are doing something different in bed tonight.

Can you make this quick? = My electronic device needs batteries and I forgot to get them again.

Where are my keys? = I'm stressed, but won't tell you.

I like this song. = I'm about to sing.

Notice anything different? = I had nothing to do today while you were out, so I bought something, put it up and think it makes the whole place look better. If you don't notice my day will go right back to where it started.

When you have the right woman you will hear these things...

Show me how to change my oil.

Yeah your friends can come over, I have stuff to do anyway.

You can go out, why are you asking me?

I cannot drive anything less than a V8.

I got you tickets for the monster truck show for Valentines Day.

Oh my God I think it slipped. Get your shoes on, we are going to Walgreens.

We need to do this every night.

You could ___ right now and I'd be fine with it.

You are the reason I want to live.

You are my everything.

Quit driving like a grandma.

As long as you find me more attractive, yes you can ask her. ;)

Our next car needs a bench seat for the ride home.

While you were trying to remove the radio, I got the door panels off.

Of course I will pick you up at 3am.

Are you gonna mess with him baby? You know he think's his car is faster.

We need to go to a junkyard, my Converse shoes look too clean.

I promise we will get your truck back on the road someday.

If you ever think about selling your car again I will hit you.

I think Jason Statium is the best thing sense Bruce Willis.

Give me the screw driver, you can go talk with your car friends.

I don't care if I get dirty.

I shaved everything today.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Mine has said all of this, I had to marry her. :cool:

SC Cheesehead
01-25-2013, 04:21 AM
Gotta agree, Dom, Becky's a sweetheart!

Phrog_gunner
01-25-2013, 05:29 AM
What planet are you guys from where that kind of speech is normal?

A place with a ban on testicles.

Motorhead350
01-25-2013, 06:06 PM
Gotta agree, Dom, Becky's a sweetheart!

You bet. There's no one else in the world I'd wanna be with.

MrBluGruv
01-25-2013, 07:04 PM
I'm with the woman I am now because she doesn't play these kinds of guessing games. They make no sense to me, and I don't see how anyone could stand it when they could NOT have to stand it and still have a perfectly functional relationship.

To me it's simple:

She doesn't keep me playing guessing games every time she says something, and I am always 100% honest with her and will work/fight for her whenever she needs me.

I honestly fear the day when our relationship is so boring that it devolves into playing "gotcha" and then turning that into arguments just to keep things interesting....